I know that we are in the throes of the "Hap-happiest season of all" the MOST wonderful time of the year, but I have to confess, I've been feeling the holiday blues a bit this week.
I do beleive we can learn from our past, and that perspective on things helps us to better view our present day. So I've been reflecting. And remembering. And recounting. And looking backwards. I've been pretty over-indulgent in the reflecting department! I know that for me, the holidays can be filled with the merriest of memories while also bringing out some pretty sad stuff too. My head has been filled with the following manic merry-go-round of thoughts about....
My Family, family members that are no longer with us, and new members of our family.
Friends, old friends, new friends, new-old friends, and people I used to know.
The traditions of my family, of my husband's family, of my sisters new family, of our family when we were little, of our family after my parents got divorced. The Christmases in the early adult stage of life, and what Christmas will be like when my family grows older.
The end of a year approaching, how I was feeling last year at this time, how much has changed in our lives from last year, from the year before that....
Spiritual revelation, the reason for Christmas, the miracle of the holiday, trying to explain that all to two toddlers and also explain how Santa fits in...
Holiday parties with friends, at school, gifts for teachers, assistants, therapists, family holiday parties, what I'll wear for New Years Eve (sad, but yes, this has been popping up over and over again).
Holiday cards, giving them receiving them, and trying to figure out how to do it without all the brain damage.
It has been great, it has been sad, and it has been just a little bit stressful. I've laughed, I have cried, and I have cut people off in the parking lot. I feel like I've totally embodied the holidays. Since I know this time of year can be hard for a lot of people, I just thought I'd share a bit of what I've been feeling. Hopefully it makes you feel uplifted to know that there is someone out there who is crazier than you :) In the end, we're all in this together, so if you are feeling blue this year, know that there are people out there who love you and just want to celebrate the brighter points of the season with you.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Giving Thanks
I love Thanksgiving. I love the food. I love the idea that we are supposed to spend a day feeling thankful for all of our blessings. Unfortunately, I have had a few holiday mis-steps over the years. In light of these, I'd like to give some advice on for your consideration over the Thanksgiving holiday:
BAD IDEAS:
1. Spend the time with your family completely wrapped up in your own insecurities so that you have no ability to ask them how they are doing.
2. Over-indulge in spirits the night before Thanksgiving so that you feel completely terrible until about 5pm Thanksgiving day.
3. Do not help with the meal, the dishes, ANYTHING at all. Then complain about the food and the surroundings.
4. Talk about how you would be more thankful if you were at a better Thanksgiving celebration.
5. Disagree. With everything anyone says.
GOOD IDEAS:
1. Try and have at least 3 really good conversations throughout the day.
2. Help the hostess (if you are the hostess, help yourself and delegate!).
3. Think of one thing you like about each of the guests you're sharing your celebration with.
4. Consider where you've been in years past and ponder how you have grown or how your life has changed for the better over the past year.
5. Give hugs. Give smiles. Be charitable and kind.
I look back on so many of the family holidays we had when I was younger, and I regret not being totally "present" for them. My grandparents have passed on, and especially this year, I realize that as life goes on, the holidays - and who we celebrate them with - continue to change. I'm so thankful for the holidays I get to share now, but a part of me regrets not enjoying the holidays I got to spend with my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins to the fullest. Many of us are married, have children of our own, and are evolving into our own family traditions. A thought to remember - no matter who you spend your holiday with, you likely won't get to - or have to - celebrate with them forever. So try take time and be grateful for the time you have together - or, for the fact that it won't be forever!!
BAD IDEAS:
1. Spend the time with your family completely wrapped up in your own insecurities so that you have no ability to ask them how they are doing.
2. Over-indulge in spirits the night before Thanksgiving so that you feel completely terrible until about 5pm Thanksgiving day.
3. Do not help with the meal, the dishes, ANYTHING at all. Then complain about the food and the surroundings.
4. Talk about how you would be more thankful if you were at a better Thanksgiving celebration.
5. Disagree. With everything anyone says.
GOOD IDEAS:
1. Try and have at least 3 really good conversations throughout the day.
2. Help the hostess (if you are the hostess, help yourself and delegate!).
3. Think of one thing you like about each of the guests you're sharing your celebration with.
4. Consider where you've been in years past and ponder how you have grown or how your life has changed for the better over the past year.
5. Give hugs. Give smiles. Be charitable and kind.
I look back on so many of the family holidays we had when I was younger, and I regret not being totally "present" for them. My grandparents have passed on, and especially this year, I realize that as life goes on, the holidays - and who we celebrate them with - continue to change. I'm so thankful for the holidays I get to share now, but a part of me regrets not enjoying the holidays I got to spend with my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins to the fullest. Many of us are married, have children of our own, and are evolving into our own family traditions. A thought to remember - no matter who you spend your holiday with, you likely won't get to - or have to - celebrate with them forever. So try take time and be grateful for the time you have together - or, for the fact that it won't be forever!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Mommy Manners
Q:Mother-in-law Etiquette. I heart my mother-in-law, and of course I absolutely love that she wants to spend as much time as possible with my child. However she doesn't share my views on etiquette and doesn't understand why I think it is a big deal. Now my daughter is learning to talk and I hear my mother-in-law say things like "say doggie move!'" to our dog. I will try to correct her and say, "no, we say 'excuse me doggie.'". And then I get an eye roll from my mother in law. I recognize that my daughter may or may not understand these sentences, but I want to set a good example. Am I over-reacting? Is there another way to tell my mother-in-law that a) she should be more polite generally, and b) that I would prefer that she be aware of her etiquette and the example she's setting when around my daughter? Also, what is the best way for me to tell her not to buy the light up Disney Princess shoes for a little girl who still doesn't know who the Disney Princesses are? I know a day will come when my house is full of Disney Princess stuff, but I'd like to hold off as long as possible.
A: Family is incredible, the source of tremendous joy and frustration, all at the same time. The relationship you have with your in-laws changes so dramatically when children come along! You are right, you are very lucky that your mother-in-law is present in your daughter's life! You also have the right to direct the rules of behavior for your child. I'm pretty sure that is a big part of your job as a parent; you make up the rules and you have to enforce them. Kids are impressionable, and in their younger ages, consistency is critical.
When you hear your mother-in-law directing your child to do something that is contrary to your "family rules", try gently letting her know that right now, you are really working on politeness with your daughter. Explain that you are trying to work on these things at home and give some examples of what your mother-in-law might help you with. She may roll her eyes, but the best thing you can do is address the situation and try and get her involved in the process. Of course, you can't expect your in-laws to parent exactly the way you do, but you can keep them informed on what you're working on and involve them in the process. If your mother-in-law doesn't want to be involved in the process of teaching manners, that is absolutely fine! No problem, but at least by informing her of what you're working on (and why it is important to you) the chances of her going against your requests are diminished somewhat.
Parenting is a tough gig, and I'm convinced we all think we're doing it right. If your mother-in-law continues to instruct your daughter incorrectly, all you can do is continue to re-enforce your teachings with your daughter. There are a lot of manners books out there you can read with her, and once she's a little older, you can further explain that though "grammie" said something was okay, that isn't how you behave in your family, and you can have a chance to talk in depth about rules and why manners are so important.
LIGHT UP PRINCESS SHOES!!! I am on the other side of the princess rainbow. My daughter has discovered and is fascinated with princesses. I shamelessly encourage it because sadly, I wish my feet fit into some of those light up slippers. It must be the country/valley girl in me. I don't know, but that is another blog all together!!!
I am a big proponent of setting boundaries with the gift giving. I know, I'm kind of grinchy about it, but as the parent, you are a gatekeeper to what your child is exposed to. If you feel a gift is inappropriate for your child, you can always try the following:
First, graciously thank the gift giver, then let them know that the gift is too "old" for your child, and that you'll be putting it away until she's ready to play with it.
Or, you can let the gift giver know that you so appreciate their generosity, but that you're trying to hold off on exposing your daughter to the sexist world of Disney princesses and that you are fundamentally against anything that is made of plastic.
Okay, maybe best not to totally alienate your family, but I felt the need for a little comic relief with all this heavy parenting stuff!! Another thing you could do would be to let your family know that their presence with your child is more than a gift enough. If that doesn't work and they are still compelled to shower your darling daughter with gifts, direct them on what your daughter likes to play with (and what you are wanting her to play with).
In the end, this will all pass and your little one will be better off for being blessed with having loving family members that surround her as she grows. Having an open and clear dialogue with family about your parenting rules is a great habit to start so that in-laws know what you want them to do.
Good Luck!!
A: Family is incredible, the source of tremendous joy and frustration, all at the same time. The relationship you have with your in-laws changes so dramatically when children come along! You are right, you are very lucky that your mother-in-law is present in your daughter's life! You also have the right to direct the rules of behavior for your child. I'm pretty sure that is a big part of your job as a parent; you make up the rules and you have to enforce them. Kids are impressionable, and in their younger ages, consistency is critical.
When you hear your mother-in-law directing your child to do something that is contrary to your "family rules", try gently letting her know that right now, you are really working on politeness with your daughter. Explain that you are trying to work on these things at home and give some examples of what your mother-in-law might help you with. She may roll her eyes, but the best thing you can do is address the situation and try and get her involved in the process. Of course, you can't expect your in-laws to parent exactly the way you do, but you can keep them informed on what you're working on and involve them in the process. If your mother-in-law doesn't want to be involved in the process of teaching manners, that is absolutely fine! No problem, but at least by informing her of what you're working on (and why it is important to you) the chances of her going against your requests are diminished somewhat.
Parenting is a tough gig, and I'm convinced we all think we're doing it right. If your mother-in-law continues to instruct your daughter incorrectly, all you can do is continue to re-enforce your teachings with your daughter. There are a lot of manners books out there you can read with her, and once she's a little older, you can further explain that though "grammie" said something was okay, that isn't how you behave in your family, and you can have a chance to talk in depth about rules and why manners are so important.
LIGHT UP PRINCESS SHOES!!! I am on the other side of the princess rainbow. My daughter has discovered and is fascinated with princesses. I shamelessly encourage it because sadly, I wish my feet fit into some of those light up slippers. It must be the country/valley girl in me. I don't know, but that is another blog all together!!!
I am a big proponent of setting boundaries with the gift giving. I know, I'm kind of grinchy about it, but as the parent, you are a gatekeeper to what your child is exposed to. If you feel a gift is inappropriate for your child, you can always try the following:
First, graciously thank the gift giver, then let them know that the gift is too "old" for your child, and that you'll be putting it away until she's ready to play with it.
Or, you can let the gift giver know that you so appreciate their generosity, but that you're trying to hold off on exposing your daughter to the sexist world of Disney princesses and that you are fundamentally against anything that is made of plastic.
Okay, maybe best not to totally alienate your family, but I felt the need for a little comic relief with all this heavy parenting stuff!! Another thing you could do would be to let your family know that their presence with your child is more than a gift enough. If that doesn't work and they are still compelled to shower your darling daughter with gifts, direct them on what your daughter likes to play with (and what you are wanting her to play with).
In the end, this will all pass and your little one will be better off for being blessed with having loving family members that surround her as she grows. Having an open and clear dialogue with family about your parenting rules is a great habit to start so that in-laws know what you want them to do.
Good Luck!!
Traveling with Tots
Q: Air travel for 18 hours with a toddler. I realize that your list of "things that are generally not a good idea" contains air travel for more than 20 hours with an infant...but what about a 20 month old for 18 hours? My husband will be in Korea for three months for work next spring, so my daughter and I are planning to go over to see him. I happen to think that the nightmare of travelling alone with a 20 month old to Korea and back is slightly outweighed by Chad and Ella not having to go three whole months without seeing one another. Since I know you did a big trip with your son, I would love to know what you would recommend and/or do differently? Can I tranquilize her? Do I get a seat on the opposite end of the plane and pretend I don't know the screaming child? Please help!
A: You are a daring mom living in the modern world. I did take my son from LA to South Africa when he was only 1 year old, and I still think I shaved a few years off of my life through the sleep deprivation, stress and exhaustion. Traveling with a 20 month old completely by yourself sounds scary, but certainly not impossible. Here are a few of my tips for travel with kids:
1. Recognize that you are going on an ADVENTURE not a VACATION. You're embarking on a great mommy and me adventure into the big wide world. Adventures are filled with the unexpected and challenges. Expect that.
2. Try to schedule the flight that makes the most sense with your child's sleep pattern. Try to make your child as comfortable as possible on the flight. Bring familiar books, blankets, dress her in pajamas if you think that will help.
3. Get the bulkhead seat if possible. The airline will tell you that this seat cannot be reserved, that you have to wait until you check in to get it, do whatever you can to speak to a manager, explain that you'll be traveling alone with a child, and get that seat! If you have it, you can set down a blanket on the floor and have a little play area for your crawler to explore. It won't be much space, but it is much better than nothing.
4. Get your child a seat. I know it's going to be really expensive, but 20 hours is nothing to mess around with. You could get away with not doing this, but I wouldn't chance it.
5. Bring some new books, activities (stickers, coloring books, games, toys, etc.) If you are okay with her watching TV, get a portable DVD player and some DVD's (or find out if the airline has these already and if their programming is appropriate for your child. Also, since you'll be visiting your husband, maybe bring a photo album with pictures of him or a book about where you're going.
One note about the carry on however....try to break up your carry on luggage into two small bags. When I traveled with Blake, I put everything into one of those extra-Extra-Large Lands End bags. I ended up having a heck of a time trying to get anything out because I had over packed so much junk!
6. Before your trip, read your child stories about traveling on an airplane, talk about what you'll be doing, how you'll sleep on the airplane, how you'll behave, etc.
7. Bring snacks and food and treats - whatever you think will be good bribes, bring them. If you don't use them, no problem, but better to have them just in case your child is a picky eater or the food on the flight is absolutely terrible.
8. Pack an extra shirt for yourself in your carry on- with kids especially - accidents happen.
9. Definitely try to get a direct flight. I had thought a lay over was a good idea when we went to South Africa, it WASN'T! Though the thought of being trapped on an airplane for 20 hours seems frightening, lay overs just add to the length of your trip. The sooner you get there, the better.
10. Make a plan with your husband to have him and your daughter spend some quality time together when you arrive so you can go promptly to the spa to relax!
I know there are thousands of other travel tips, but these seemed like a good start. This will undoubtedly be a very exciting trip for you and your child, and surely one you won't forget!! Take pictures and video to remind her of her trip to Korea, and have fun. When in doubt, a good laugh will go a long way.
A: You are a daring mom living in the modern world. I did take my son from LA to South Africa when he was only 1 year old, and I still think I shaved a few years off of my life through the sleep deprivation, stress and exhaustion. Traveling with a 20 month old completely by yourself sounds scary, but certainly not impossible. Here are a few of my tips for travel with kids:
1. Recognize that you are going on an ADVENTURE not a VACATION. You're embarking on a great mommy and me adventure into the big wide world. Adventures are filled with the unexpected and challenges. Expect that.
2. Try to schedule the flight that makes the most sense with your child's sleep pattern. Try to make your child as comfortable as possible on the flight. Bring familiar books, blankets, dress her in pajamas if you think that will help.
3. Get the bulkhead seat if possible. The airline will tell you that this seat cannot be reserved, that you have to wait until you check in to get it, do whatever you can to speak to a manager, explain that you'll be traveling alone with a child, and get that seat! If you have it, you can set down a blanket on the floor and have a little play area for your crawler to explore. It won't be much space, but it is much better than nothing.
4. Get your child a seat. I know it's going to be really expensive, but 20 hours is nothing to mess around with. You could get away with not doing this, but I wouldn't chance it.
5. Bring some new books, activities (stickers, coloring books, games, toys, etc.) If you are okay with her watching TV, get a portable DVD player and some DVD's (or find out if the airline has these already and if their programming is appropriate for your child. Also, since you'll be visiting your husband, maybe bring a photo album with pictures of him or a book about where you're going.
One note about the carry on however....try to break up your carry on luggage into two small bags. When I traveled with Blake, I put everything into one of those extra-Extra-Large Lands End bags. I ended up having a heck of a time trying to get anything out because I had over packed so much junk!
6. Before your trip, read your child stories about traveling on an airplane, talk about what you'll be doing, how you'll sleep on the airplane, how you'll behave, etc.
7. Bring snacks and food and treats - whatever you think will be good bribes, bring them. If you don't use them, no problem, but better to have them just in case your child is a picky eater or the food on the flight is absolutely terrible.
8. Pack an extra shirt for yourself in your carry on- with kids especially - accidents happen.
9. Definitely try to get a direct flight. I had thought a lay over was a good idea when we went to South Africa, it WASN'T! Though the thought of being trapped on an airplane for 20 hours seems frightening, lay overs just add to the length of your trip. The sooner you get there, the better.
10. Make a plan with your husband to have him and your daughter spend some quality time together when you arrive so you can go promptly to the spa to relax!
I know there are thousands of other travel tips, but these seemed like a good start. This will undoubtedly be a very exciting trip for you and your child, and surely one you won't forget!! Take pictures and video to remind her of her trip to Korea, and have fun. When in doubt, a good laugh will go a long way.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Perseverence... Another "P word" Worth Discussing
I hated P.E. when I was younger. I absolutely DREADED running. Even on days where I was feeling particularly spunky, I always found myself wanting to quit running and start walking remarkably soon after I had started. Throughout my teens and college years I tried to run. I joined gym memberships, watched television while on the treadmill, went to the gym with friends, even boyfriends. To date, I think my personal best has been 20 minutes of running time. I can walk for hours, but running has always required a level of perseverance I can't seem to muster.
It occurred to me this week that life in your 30's seems to require a lot of perseverance. Marriage, children, work, keeping your life moving in the direction you want it to go, all requires perseverance. I'm ashamed to admit that historically I strongly prefer activities in which I am already proficient. I have been able to avoid the need for sustained perseverance for most of my life. I pride myself on finding the quickest and easiest route to complete a task, making me useful for efficiency tips but not very strong in the perseverance department. In my 20's I managed to maintain a fun lifestyle without needing a ton of perseverance. Yes, there were days where I didn't want to do something and I still did it, but there weren't extended periods of perseverance. In our early working years the absence of a set plan in life can allow us to look at things as temporary rather than a "long haul".
In your 30's you begin to root into your life. You might buy a home, get married, build a family, build a community, or establish yourself in your career. Once you start on this path, the need for perseverance kicks into overdrive. You make choices to get yourself to a place and once you get there, sometimes the weather sucks. Or it doesn't always look like you thought it would. Some days it is a lot less fantastic than you had hoped even though it is still everything you want. What to do then? Perseverance. I'm still working on being able to run further for longer, working on pushing through the discomfort to keep running. Hopefully in a few years I'll have learned to keep running, and instead of noticing the physical drain, I'll enjoy more of the scenery and feel pride in how far I can go.
It occurred to me this week that life in your 30's seems to require a lot of perseverance. Marriage, children, work, keeping your life moving in the direction you want it to go, all requires perseverance. I'm ashamed to admit that historically I strongly prefer activities in which I am already proficient. I have been able to avoid the need for sustained perseverance for most of my life. I pride myself on finding the quickest and easiest route to complete a task, making me useful for efficiency tips but not very strong in the perseverance department. In my 20's I managed to maintain a fun lifestyle without needing a ton of perseverance. Yes, there were days where I didn't want to do something and I still did it, but there weren't extended periods of perseverance. In our early working years the absence of a set plan in life can allow us to look at things as temporary rather than a "long haul".
In your 30's you begin to root into your life. You might buy a home, get married, build a family, build a community, or establish yourself in your career. Once you start on this path, the need for perseverance kicks into overdrive. You make choices to get yourself to a place and once you get there, sometimes the weather sucks. Or it doesn't always look like you thought it would. Some days it is a lot less fantastic than you had hoped even though it is still everything you want. What to do then? Perseverance. I'm still working on being able to run further for longer, working on pushing through the discomfort to keep running. Hopefully in a few years I'll have learned to keep running, and instead of noticing the physical drain, I'll enjoy more of the scenery and feel pride in how far I can go.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Personal Anthem
I was recently lucky enough to be sitting at dinner with some dear friends when we got to a rare break in conversation. After a moment, I asked the girls; "What is your personal anthem?". I was SHOCKED! I looked around at the faces I've known for so long and saw an audience of blank and quizzical faces. Apparently not everyone has put as much time and attention into deciding their personal anthem as yours truly.
The personal anthem comes into play at a variety of times. When you're walking down the street, when you're having a bad day, when you're waiting for a job interview, or when you win the lottery. At moments of triumph and moments of trial, the personal anthem can be a great thing to have playing in your head. When practicing walking down the runway in the privacy of your own home, doing the dishes or sweeping the floor, it's nice to have a song that you sing to yourself.
I hope you all take a moment to think of your personal anthem today. Think of the song that you feel best describes YOU, where you are in your life, what you value, what you aspire to be, or even what simply makes you laugh.
Obviously, I have a personal anthem. I've had a few over the years, but at this moment in time, my personal anthem is "Aint Nothing Going to Hold Me Down" by Men at Work. Which is TOTALLY random, but I find it suits me and my life at this time. I hope you all have a chance to ponder your anthems over the weekend, and ask a friend what theirs might be, you might just learn something fun!
The personal anthem comes into play at a variety of times. When you're walking down the street, when you're having a bad day, when you're waiting for a job interview, or when you win the lottery. At moments of triumph and moments of trial, the personal anthem can be a great thing to have playing in your head. When practicing walking down the runway in the privacy of your own home, doing the dishes or sweeping the floor, it's nice to have a song that you sing to yourself.
I hope you all take a moment to think of your personal anthem today. Think of the song that you feel best describes YOU, where you are in your life, what you value, what you aspire to be, or even what simply makes you laugh.
Obviously, I have a personal anthem. I've had a few over the years, but at this moment in time, my personal anthem is "Aint Nothing Going to Hold Me Down" by Men at Work. Which is TOTALLY random, but I find it suits me and my life at this time. I hope you all have a chance to ponder your anthems over the weekend, and ask a friend what theirs might be, you might just learn something fun!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
It's Not Fair
The message at church the other week highlighted the fact that life is UNFAIR. It was a message I absolutely needed to hear. In times of trial I've often been told; "Take heart, God only gives us what he knows we can handle." That statement makes me crazy. It makes me feel like if I were less capable, bad things wouldn't happen to me. Rather than giving hope and encouragement, I begin to feel angry and resentful.
The saying our pastor included in his message, and the one I prefer is:
I've said it before, I'm a control freak. Being a mother of two has only increased my yearning for control over my life.
Cheerios MUST be off the floor!
MUST pack nutritious lunch!
MUST bake treats for pre-school class!
Children MUST be polite and well mannered, stimulated but not overly, recipients of all that they need with ALL needs anticipated.
MUST have children clean and well dressed for any type of weather! MUST be prepared for ANYTHING at ANYTIME!
There is NO room for ERROR - EVER!!!!
Being a wife and a mother of two has only revealed my inability to control much of anything! But MY emotions, MY reactions, MY words - THAT - I should be able to control. My behavior, my attitude, my choices, okay - I can control those too. I can plan, I can provide healthy choices, I can introduce positive concepts, I can model positive and healthy behaviors, I can be conscientious of all that I do. But I can't control sickness, disability, the residential real estate market, the behavior of my children, my family, my friends, my neighbor, other people's children, the school district, ALL are out of my control.
I feel relieved. I can do SOMETHING! I can control my own behavior! I can't get the school district to do what I want them to do. I can't take away illness, but I can stay calm, supportive and even faithful when it falls on a loved one. I can't fix tragedies; earth shattering or minor, but I can keep from flying into a tailspin when they occur. Hallelujah! No need to obsess over things that are completely beyond my control! It doesn't have any affect!
Hmm....maybe now my face won't look so darn scrunchy, and I can do something more positive with my time. Maybe a hug for my husband and snuggles for the kids.
The saying our pastor included in his message, and the one I prefer is:
"You cannot control the circumstances, but you can control how you react to them."
I've said it before, I'm a control freak. Being a mother of two has only increased my yearning for control over my life.
Cheerios MUST be off the floor!
MUST pack nutritious lunch!
MUST bake treats for pre-school class!
Children MUST be polite and well mannered, stimulated but not overly, recipients of all that they need with ALL needs anticipated.
MUST have children clean and well dressed for any type of weather! MUST be prepared for ANYTHING at ANYTIME!
There is NO room for ERROR - EVER!!!!
Being a wife and a mother of two has only revealed my inability to control much of anything! But MY emotions, MY reactions, MY words - THAT - I should be able to control. My behavior, my attitude, my choices, okay - I can control those too. I can plan, I can provide healthy choices, I can introduce positive concepts, I can model positive and healthy behaviors, I can be conscientious of all that I do. But I can't control sickness, disability, the residential real estate market, the behavior of my children, my family, my friends, my neighbor, other people's children, the school district, ALL are out of my control.
I feel relieved. I can do SOMETHING! I can control my own behavior! I can't get the school district to do what I want them to do. I can't take away illness, but I can stay calm, supportive and even faithful when it falls on a loved one. I can't fix tragedies; earth shattering or minor, but I can keep from flying into a tailspin when they occur. Hallelujah! No need to obsess over things that are completely beyond my control! It doesn't have any affect!
Hmm....maybe now my face won't look so darn scrunchy, and I can do something more positive with my time. Maybe a hug for my husband and snuggles for the kids.
The P Word
"If he pees, just come and get me." Another phrase added to the list of "Things I Never Thought I'd Say"
I know, I hate to add to the litany of rants that have been written about potty training BUT, I just have to. Potty training has kind of taken over my life. I like to think of it as one of motherhood's "Dirty Little Secrets".
My pediatrician - a man with TONS of education, but who has no actual children of his own - advised me on potty training before I was ready. At the 18 month checkup for my child, he instructed me to start potty training. He said I should start "introducing" my child to the potty. Insert humorous visuals of a toddler shaking hands with a toilet here. I was told to take a dirty diaper off of my child, deposit its contents into the toilet, and start to get my child accustomed to the process. GROSS. I seriously thought he was joking. He wasn't.
So, rather than take the well meaning doctor's advice, I WAITED. I'm now being dragged into potty training well after I should have started doing it, with many additional experts involved in the process. Whoops! Guess my "common sense" approach to potty training is catching up with me now. With much of parenting, I just think you HAVE to laugh. I now have two toddlers who want or need to be potty trained so I spend a LOT of time in the vicinity of the toilet. I am told that in 10 years they will dress themselves and use the bathroom on their own, I just have such a difficult time trying to know that in my heart.
Though I do feel most times that potty training is the bane of my existence, I also recognize it as an opportunity for face time with the kids. Whether they like it or not, we're spending a LOT of time one on one throughout the day together. And, my bathroom is very well organized now, so, there's that.
Wish me luck, I'm off to the potty.
I know, I hate to add to the litany of rants that have been written about potty training BUT, I just have to. Potty training has kind of taken over my life. I like to think of it as one of motherhood's "Dirty Little Secrets".
My pediatrician - a man with TONS of education, but who has no actual children of his own - advised me on potty training before I was ready. At the 18 month checkup for my child, he instructed me to start potty training. He said I should start "introducing" my child to the potty. Insert humorous visuals of a toddler shaking hands with a toilet here. I was told to take a dirty diaper off of my child, deposit its contents into the toilet, and start to get my child accustomed to the process. GROSS. I seriously thought he was joking. He wasn't.
So, rather than take the well meaning doctor's advice, I WAITED. I'm now being dragged into potty training well after I should have started doing it, with many additional experts involved in the process. Whoops! Guess my "common sense" approach to potty training is catching up with me now. With much of parenting, I just think you HAVE to laugh. I now have two toddlers who want or need to be potty trained so I spend a LOT of time in the vicinity of the toilet. I am told that in 10 years they will dress themselves and use the bathroom on their own, I just have such a difficult time trying to know that in my heart.
Though I do feel most times that potty training is the bane of my existence, I also recognize it as an opportunity for face time with the kids. Whether they like it or not, we're spending a LOT of time one on one throughout the day together. And, my bathroom is very well organized now, so, there's that.
Wish me luck, I'm off to the potty.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Do you believe in magic?
Sorry, I know I just got that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. I had to do it though. It was just too appropriate. At church on Sunday, the speaker referred to the "magical period" in a relationship when you first fall in love. It got me thinking a little about magic. The world is certainly a wondrous place. Whenever I have traveled, I relish the opportunity to see new parts of the world, and to see surroundings from a curious perspective. I often find myself filled with wonder at the beauty of new places. I'll gaze out on a sea reflecting purples, pinks, oranges and blues from a sunset and be hypnotized by the sheer magic of the scenery.
I'm a parent of two small children, and I started to wonder; if in my efforts to do everything possible to be the best parent I can be, I might be robbing them (and myself) of the opportunity to recognize magical moments in my day to day life. If every action I make is contemplated and controlled, then how can I free myself up to recognize the colors of the world around me? The feeling of a breeze that cools and refreshes on a stifling day can go unnoticed. The recognition that the little people I'm trying to parent were once much smaller and that they have grown SO much in my presence.
I started looking for magic around me, and I found it. I found it in a lot of places. I realized that my magic sensor is closely tied to my imagination, and that the more I use the imagination, the better it works. There are many un-magical things in my day, but in being ready for the moments of pure whimsy, I seem to be creating a space for more of them.
The pediatrician's office isn't necessarily a place where you think you're in for a "magical" time. But while we were waiting for the doctor (for 40 minutes) there was a moment where I saw my son put a toy bear on a little truck and push them around together. He was playing with them functionally, a two-step, functional play moment. For me, it was a MAJOR milestone of how far we've come. We were working on trying to get him to do that like CRAZY last year. And there it was, happening right before my eyes. Hooray!!! Success! I've seen him do things like this before, I've seen him get close to achieving this type of goal, but the manner in which he did it, was spellbinding. It was Magical.
I hope this brief reminder compels you to open yourself up to magic if your life doesn't have much in it right now. If you do have a healthy amount of magic in your day, I challenge you to try and share it with others. The simple act of pointing out something magical, or perhaps just your perspective that shows something in that light, can be a huge gift to the person you share it with.
I'm a parent of two small children, and I started to wonder; if in my efforts to do everything possible to be the best parent I can be, I might be robbing them (and myself) of the opportunity to recognize magical moments in my day to day life. If every action I make is contemplated and controlled, then how can I free myself up to recognize the colors of the world around me? The feeling of a breeze that cools and refreshes on a stifling day can go unnoticed. The recognition that the little people I'm trying to parent were once much smaller and that they have grown SO much in my presence.
I started looking for magic around me, and I found it. I found it in a lot of places. I realized that my magic sensor is closely tied to my imagination, and that the more I use the imagination, the better it works. There are many un-magical things in my day, but in being ready for the moments of pure whimsy, I seem to be creating a space for more of them.
The pediatrician's office isn't necessarily a place where you think you're in for a "magical" time. But while we were waiting for the doctor (for 40 minutes) there was a moment where I saw my son put a toy bear on a little truck and push them around together. He was playing with them functionally, a two-step, functional play moment. For me, it was a MAJOR milestone of how far we've come. We were working on trying to get him to do that like CRAZY last year. And there it was, happening right before my eyes. Hooray!!! Success! I've seen him do things like this before, I've seen him get close to achieving this type of goal, but the manner in which he did it, was spellbinding. It was Magical.
I hope this brief reminder compels you to open yourself up to magic if your life doesn't have much in it right now. If you do have a healthy amount of magic in your day, I challenge you to try and share it with others. The simple act of pointing out something magical, or perhaps just your perspective that shows something in that light, can be a huge gift to the person you share it with.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I'll Think of a Reason.....Later
Procrastination. I can proudly say I can procrastinate at an expert level. I was scientific about my procrastination in college, and am artful in procrastination when I have the option to be. You might think that when you have two toddlers, it would be difficult to procrastinate because they need everything RIGHT NOW. But don't be fooled, just because their needs are screaming at you does not mean that the other things you need to do (clean the kitchen, write a thank you note, loose weight) are at any level of urgency. I have stacks upon stacks of photos waiting to be filed away in baby books. I have dust collecting in places where I think the mites have homestead rights. That being said, I actually give GREAT advice on how to start something you have been meaning to start doing for the past decade.
FIRST: Start small. Even if this means putting a date on your calendar when you will start doing whatever it is you haven't been doing. Even if this means doing 10 sit ups to start your workout routine. Even if this means reading that dust covered book for 5 minutes, that is 5 minutes more than NOTHING, and you'll be 5 minutes, 10 sit ups, one calendar date closer to your goal.
NEXT: Make a plan using easy and attainable goals. You may set your intention to exercise once a week, if you do it twice one week, imagine how incredible you'll feel! If you are able to reach your goals, instead of feeling dread towards whatever you've been putting off, you may actually recognize said goal as an opportunity for feeling good about yourself - IMAGINE THAT.
FINALLY: Come up with a prize, a reward, for completing your task. Maybe give yourself small rewards along the way to keep your head in the game. Figure out what will keep you motivated and go with it.
I've had the good fortune of being in the presence of people who have helped me to stay focused, who have motivated me to complete tasks I've set out to do. And invariably, I feel terrific when I finish something, certainly far better than I do when I'm procrastinating.
FIRST: Start small. Even if this means putting a date on your calendar when you will start doing whatever it is you haven't been doing. Even if this means doing 10 sit ups to start your workout routine. Even if this means reading that dust covered book for 5 minutes, that is 5 minutes more than NOTHING, and you'll be 5 minutes, 10 sit ups, one calendar date closer to your goal.
NEXT: Make a plan using easy and attainable goals. You may set your intention to exercise once a week, if you do it twice one week, imagine how incredible you'll feel! If you are able to reach your goals, instead of feeling dread towards whatever you've been putting off, you may actually recognize said goal as an opportunity for feeling good about yourself - IMAGINE THAT.
FINALLY: Come up with a prize, a reward, for completing your task. Maybe give yourself small rewards along the way to keep your head in the game. Figure out what will keep you motivated and go with it.
I've had the good fortune of being in the presence of people who have helped me to stay focused, who have motivated me to complete tasks I've set out to do. And invariably, I feel terrific when I finish something, certainly far better than I do when I'm procrastinating.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Happy Cry
Today was the first day of school for one of my children. It was the first day of school for a lot of parents in the area, and I'm wonder if we were all feeling the same thing this morning. As I dropped off my child and left him in the care of his teacher, I felt this overwhelming crash of emotion smashing over me like a huge wave. I was being pushed and pulled in the currents of so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, and I was totally and completely stirred.
I was so happy he wasn't crying, I was excited for him to experience a new school, I was terrified, and I was nervous! What if he feels lonely? What if he's confused and thinks I've just left him behind? And then, of course, I was thrilled! This will be so great for him! He'll be stimulated, he'll be LEARNING! He'll be surrounded by kids his own age! He'll get to grow, and experience new things! After a minute of this manic thinking-feeling-tumbling passed, I had surrendered to the oddest of experiences; the happy cry. I am a pretty notorious happy crier. Truthfully, my crying is a little out of control. After seeing it more than 10 times, I can guarantee I'll still cry at least once while watching the movie "Sex in the City" (which is not even a sad movie).
The thing about the happy cry that is so confusing is that you are feeling so many things at once, and all of those sentiments seem to burst from you in a flash of WOW! I'm crazy! I'm happy, sad, scared, and about 10 other things - all at the same time! BLAH! BLEEK! BOO! It is not rational, it makes little sense, it's totally overpowering, and then, it's over.
I hope that those of you who had a happy cry today embraced it. After all, when you're hit with the happy cry wave, it's hard to dodge.
I was so happy he wasn't crying, I was excited for him to experience a new school, I was terrified, and I was nervous! What if he feels lonely? What if he's confused and thinks I've just left him behind? And then, of course, I was thrilled! This will be so great for him! He'll be stimulated, he'll be LEARNING! He'll be surrounded by kids his own age! He'll get to grow, and experience new things! After a minute of this manic thinking-feeling-tumbling passed, I had surrendered to the oddest of experiences; the happy cry. I am a pretty notorious happy crier. Truthfully, my crying is a little out of control. After seeing it more than 10 times, I can guarantee I'll still cry at least once while watching the movie "Sex in the City" (which is not even a sad movie).
The thing about the happy cry that is so confusing is that you are feeling so many things at once, and all of those sentiments seem to burst from you in a flash of WOW! I'm crazy! I'm happy, sad, scared, and about 10 other things - all at the same time! BLAH! BLEEK! BOO! It is not rational, it makes little sense, it's totally overpowering, and then, it's over.
I hope that those of you who had a happy cry today embraced it. After all, when you're hit with the happy cry wave, it's hard to dodge.
Monday, August 30, 2010
NERD ALERT!
Fashion is a funny thing. It seems to me that what is deemed as "in fashion" is defined as such by a majority. Right now, and perhaps for a while, it seems the fashioins have taken a turn for the quirky. Maybe it's because I'm over 30 and I'm more comfortable with myself, maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom and have the freedom to do so, or maybe, just maybe I'm doing it's socially acceptable to do it and I have no guts, but I have decided to FINALLY embrace my INNER NERD.
Those who know me well are all asking themselves right now "Inner nerd? Jeez, is that going to be larger than the nerd she already shows publicly?!!!???"
Well the answer to that is YES. I am enjoying the movement in our culture towards embracing the unique, the original, the nerdy. From now on, I'm making a concentrated effort to listen to my inner-nerd. Yes, I like "Star Trek". And would love to sit and talk philosophy with anyone who has the time to spare. I think my life and wardrobe would be a lot more fun with a bedazzler. I'm totally comfortable belting out the entire soundtrack to the musical "Wicked" in my car and I'm starting to encourage the kids to sing along with total abandon as well. I'm ready to be free of trying to look cool (this is easier for me since I RARELY look cool). But I think it's time for all of us to consider letting more of our true interests and thoughts shine through our public persona. I know there are times where it is important to censor ourselves and try to fit in. But I graduated from high school. A WHILE AGO!
I invite you to join me on my nerd quest. I think when we let down our guard and act as true to ourselves as possible, everyone ends up having a lot more fun. Now I just need to find out when the next Star Trek convention is. Truly, I've always wanted to go to one.
Those who know me well are all asking themselves right now "Inner nerd? Jeez, is that going to be larger than the nerd she already shows publicly?!!!???"
Well the answer to that is YES. I am enjoying the movement in our culture towards embracing the unique, the original, the nerdy. From now on, I'm making a concentrated effort to listen to my inner-nerd. Yes, I like "Star Trek". And would love to sit and talk philosophy with anyone who has the time to spare. I think my life and wardrobe would be a lot more fun with a bedazzler. I'm totally comfortable belting out the entire soundtrack to the musical "Wicked" in my car and I'm starting to encourage the kids to sing along with total abandon as well. I'm ready to be free of trying to look cool (this is easier for me since I RARELY look cool). But I think it's time for all of us to consider letting more of our true interests and thoughts shine through our public persona. I know there are times where it is important to censor ourselves and try to fit in. But I graduated from high school. A WHILE AGO!
I invite you to join me on my nerd quest. I think when we let down our guard and act as true to ourselves as possible, everyone ends up having a lot more fun. Now I just need to find out when the next Star Trek convention is. Truly, I've always wanted to go to one.
Napoleon not so Dynamite
I am currently working in a terrible work environment. My supervisor is Napoleonic. He is rude, somewhat racist, controlling and UNBEARABLE! How do I keep my job without hating my life?
Ahhh work. You're thrown together with people, forced to interact, and completely exposed to personalities you never wish you had come into contact with! I have a quote that I stored in my blackberry, I liked it so much. It rings very true for this situation....
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to evoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius
While I think this is a great concept, sometimes a little action is required to make your work experience more bearable. My first strategy would be to employ the "kill them with kindness" approach to problem solving. When you are in the practice of being kind, you make it difficult for people to take issue with you - and you're in the habit of being a peaceful person. Your supervisor sounds like he is dedicating a lot of time and effort to being hostile. Don't engage him in any way that will allow this hostility to grow.
The second strategy I would employ is some healthy boundary setting. When your supervisor has done or said something offensive, let him know KINDLY that you would appreciate it if he kept his political views to himself for example. Point out that you would hate for him to get into trouble for expressing himself so freely.
What you probably shouldn't do is become passive aggressive and pull some pranks on this person. BUT if you were to do this, I've come up with a few ideas. At least you can laugh at the fantasy.....
*Bring in a framed picture of Napoleon to put on his desk with a note that says: "Thought you'd like this".
*Remove some critical screws from his swivel chair
*Come into work wearing the uniform of a French officer under Napoleon's rule. Salute. Often. Maybe even throw in a heel click.
*Whenever he says something, say "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Keep doing this until he's yelling, then follow up with: "Jeez, you don't have to yell!!!"
*Whenever he comes over to talk to you, act like he has food on his face, miming where it is.
*Get him coffee and put hot sauce in it. Or spoiled milk.
*Put a dirty diaper in his trash can.
You get the idea. I think the best thing you can actually do is try to appeal to whatever shred of humanity he has and find out how you can best work together. The more information you have about his motives for his actions, the better you will be able to work around them. If it is warranted I'd also report his inappropriate and/or offensive behavior (specifically the racism) to the proper people in your organization. In the end, know that people who are difficult to work with are rarely the ones that go very far in life. So at least you know you won't have to work with him forever. In the mean time, do what you can to make the best of the situation (even if that means a prank or two).
Ahhh work. You're thrown together with people, forced to interact, and completely exposed to personalities you never wish you had come into contact with! I have a quote that I stored in my blackberry, I liked it so much. It rings very true for this situation....
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to evoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius
While I think this is a great concept, sometimes a little action is required to make your work experience more bearable. My first strategy would be to employ the "kill them with kindness" approach to problem solving. When you are in the practice of being kind, you make it difficult for people to take issue with you - and you're in the habit of being a peaceful person. Your supervisor sounds like he is dedicating a lot of time and effort to being hostile. Don't engage him in any way that will allow this hostility to grow.
The second strategy I would employ is some healthy boundary setting. When your supervisor has done or said something offensive, let him know KINDLY that you would appreciate it if he kept his political views to himself for example. Point out that you would hate for him to get into trouble for expressing himself so freely.
What you probably shouldn't do is become passive aggressive and pull some pranks on this person. BUT if you were to do this, I've come up with a few ideas. At least you can laugh at the fantasy.....
*Bring in a framed picture of Napoleon to put on his desk with a note that says: "Thought you'd like this".
*Remove some critical screws from his swivel chair
*Come into work wearing the uniform of a French officer under Napoleon's rule. Salute. Often. Maybe even throw in a heel click.
*Whenever he says something, say "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Keep doing this until he's yelling, then follow up with: "Jeez, you don't have to yell!!!"
*Whenever he comes over to talk to you, act like he has food on his face, miming where it is.
*Get him coffee and put hot sauce in it. Or spoiled milk.
*Put a dirty diaper in his trash can.
You get the idea. I think the best thing you can actually do is try to appeal to whatever shred of humanity he has and find out how you can best work together. The more information you have about his motives for his actions, the better you will be able to work around them. If it is warranted I'd also report his inappropriate and/or offensive behavior (specifically the racism) to the proper people in your organization. In the end, know that people who are difficult to work with are rarely the ones that go very far in life. So at least you know you won't have to work with him forever. In the mean time, do what you can to make the best of the situation (even if that means a prank or two).
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dinner Party Bonanza
During the month of July, we hosted a variety of parties. A 4th of July pool party, a dinner party for 8, we were the dessert stop in a neighborhood progressive dinner party, and we were able to host two family birthday parties. In all, I think we served over 90 people. Thankfully, each of these events were done with a lot of HELP. At every event, guests brought food, brought drinks and even helped with dishes. I am a huge proponent of delegating when you entertain. In the cases where I've been responsible for the entire meal from appetizer to dessert and coffee, I end up feeling like a servant instead of a stellar host. Here are a few things I've learned from our busy month of entertaining:
*Set up your table first. This is one task that takes longer than you think it will. I look at it from a theatrical perspective. When guests come to your home, the show is supposed to be ready. If you're dressing the tables as they arrive, it feels a bit like they've caught you setting up your stage. You loose a bit of the "wow" factor. Guests just don't want to see you washing out ice buckets or setting up glassware while they are there. You can have a conversation with your guest while you're chopping or cooking. For a more casual affair your guest will happily slice limes if you need them to, but setting up linens and chairs just takes away from the "show" factor in entertaining.
*As soon as you have the smelly prep work out of the way (or you have wisely delegated it to someone else) SHOWER. Get yourself ready as far in advance of your event as seems reasonable. I can't count the number of times I've missed the window to get myself ready and had to just go with it. Being haggard is no way to set the tone for your party. Again, it's easy to have your guests help you fill ice, light candles or even chop something. It's pretty weird for people to come over to your home only to have you dash off to get into the shower.
*If people want to bring something, I always ask them to bring ice. You can never have too much ice for a party, and if you do, you can always throw it away. This is a great assignment for bachelors, people who don't cook, or people who may not be on time. As long as you have enough ice to initially cool your drinks, this is a workable strategy.
*Never depend someone else to bring all the ice. This will leave you in a real pinch. You should always make sure you've got enough to start with and if all of your ice-assignees fall through, you can always send someone out to get more.
*Always have a backup plan. A phone number for great pizza delivery, a few boxes of macaroni and cheese or some extra rice. Too much food isn't a problem, too little food = wasted guests and possible riot.
*Have as much fun at your parties as possible. I find when the host is having fun, it makes it a lot easier for everyone else to enjoy themselves. Yes, it is important that you do your very best to ensure your guests are enjoying themselves. It is also important to lead by example.
*Try and clean up once the party is over. It's so incredibly tempting to leave this task until morning, but a mess that has time to set is at least 5 times as hard to clean. Once your guests are gone, you'll have a daunting number of dishes, empty glasses, and platters. The next morning you'll have all of the aforementioned items AND the possibilities of flies, stains, and food that has made a real commitment to sticking to whatever surface it's presently in contact with. Turn on some music, pour yourself a glass of water and do as much as you can. You'll never be disappointed in the morning that you put the time in the night before.
There are so many other tips and tricks I've learned this summer, but in the interest of good hostessing, I will be respectful of your time and I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll be able to share them at another event - at your house!
*Set up your table first. This is one task that takes longer than you think it will. I look at it from a theatrical perspective. When guests come to your home, the show is supposed to be ready. If you're dressing the tables as they arrive, it feels a bit like they've caught you setting up your stage. You loose a bit of the "wow" factor. Guests just don't want to see you washing out ice buckets or setting up glassware while they are there. You can have a conversation with your guest while you're chopping or cooking. For a more casual affair your guest will happily slice limes if you need them to, but setting up linens and chairs just takes away from the "show" factor in entertaining.
*As soon as you have the smelly prep work out of the way (or you have wisely delegated it to someone else) SHOWER. Get yourself ready as far in advance of your event as seems reasonable. I can't count the number of times I've missed the window to get myself ready and had to just go with it. Being haggard is no way to set the tone for your party. Again, it's easy to have your guests help you fill ice, light candles or even chop something. It's pretty weird for people to come over to your home only to have you dash off to get into the shower.
*If people want to bring something, I always ask them to bring ice. You can never have too much ice for a party, and if you do, you can always throw it away. This is a great assignment for bachelors, people who don't cook, or people who may not be on time. As long as you have enough ice to initially cool your drinks, this is a workable strategy.
*Never depend someone else to bring all the ice. This will leave you in a real pinch. You should always make sure you've got enough to start with and if all of your ice-assignees fall through, you can always send someone out to get more.
*Always have a backup plan. A phone number for great pizza delivery, a few boxes of macaroni and cheese or some extra rice. Too much food isn't a problem, too little food = wasted guests and possible riot.
*Have as much fun at your parties as possible. I find when the host is having fun, it makes it a lot easier for everyone else to enjoy themselves. Yes, it is important that you do your very best to ensure your guests are enjoying themselves. It is also important to lead by example.
*Try and clean up once the party is over. It's so incredibly tempting to leave this task until morning, but a mess that has time to set is at least 5 times as hard to clean. Once your guests are gone, you'll have a daunting number of dishes, empty glasses, and platters. The next morning you'll have all of the aforementioned items AND the possibilities of flies, stains, and food that has made a real commitment to sticking to whatever surface it's presently in contact with. Turn on some music, pour yourself a glass of water and do as much as you can. You'll never be disappointed in the morning that you put the time in the night before.
There are so many other tips and tricks I've learned this summer, but in the interest of good hostessing, I will be respectful of your time and I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll be able to share them at another event - at your house!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Contented Commentary
I haven't been receiving too many requests for advice. I've decided that the reason for this is because everyone is SO happy in their lives that they don't need any advice. With this hope in mind, the idea of being CONTENT sprung to mind. Yesterday I felt like the universe was telling me to wake up and enjoy life. The book I'm reading was discussing the importance of letting things in life come to you, the value of being content no matter what is happening in the world around you. The radio station I was listening to in the morning was discussing the importance of finding happiness or contentment in whatever you are doing. Either I was finding external things to suit my present state of mind, or the rest of the world was trying to bend my ear...who can know.
Regardless of why, I thought I'd try to focus my energy on being content. All day, all week, for the rest of my life, I was going to be ZEN. Peaceful, patient, content; that is what I was going to be. My plan was foolproof! I lasted until around 12:00 pm. Time between epiphany and failure to be content: approximately 3 hours. I have some major work to do. I took a yoga class this morning, a walk with a friend, and got a chance to catch up with my sister-in-law who is always amazing. Today, I see the leaves are green, my children are alive, and I'll actually have a chance to read that book a little more. I'm hoping to break my contentedness record today and go for 3 1/2 hours. I hope you are all enjoying a day in a lifetime filled with being content. If not, throw me a bone and ask for some advice, and maybe we'll both feel better.
Regardless of why, I thought I'd try to focus my energy on being content. All day, all week, for the rest of my life, I was going to be ZEN. Peaceful, patient, content; that is what I was going to be. My plan was foolproof! I lasted until around 12:00 pm. Time between epiphany and failure to be content: approximately 3 hours. I have some major work to do. I took a yoga class this morning, a walk with a friend, and got a chance to catch up with my sister-in-law who is always amazing. Today, I see the leaves are green, my children are alive, and I'll actually have a chance to read that book a little more. I'm hoping to break my contentedness record today and go for 3 1/2 hours. I hope you are all enjoying a day in a lifetime filled with being content. If not, throw me a bone and ask for some advice, and maybe we'll both feel better.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Q: My girlfriend has started buying me clothes that others feel are too stylish for me. I do have a style of my own, and don't know exactly what that is, but I feel that it is comfortable and up to date. All the clothes that my friends or my girlfriend buy me I absolutely love. I have no problem with change or trying to look better. I feel that I am always appropriately dressed. How do I remedy the situation?
A: Style is nothing if not personal. Your friends are probably just extremely jealous that you have stylish new clothes and that you got them for FREE!!!! The fashions we wear are the most obvious indicators of our moods, our interests, and of course our personalities. Personal style is PERSONAL. So if you are starting to wear clothing that is more "current" and you do actually love it, that would lead me to believe that it fits into your personal style. I'm a fan of changing things up; particularly when you already know you like the changes. So embrace the new clothes, and let your friends know how much you like them. Continue to wear the new clothes that your friends think are too stylish and remark on how great you feel in them. If they still give you flack, tell your friends that you are friends with them in spite of their clothing choices and that they should extend the same courtesy to you. HA!!! Nothing quiets criticism like a good, old fashioned insult! Okay, scratch the insult part, but I think asking them kindly to respect your personal style should be effective. If it isn't, tell them that your only other option is nudity, and hopefully they'll appreciate the clothed, too-stylish-you more than the creepy you in your birthday suit.
A: Style is nothing if not personal. Your friends are probably just extremely jealous that you have stylish new clothes and that you got them for FREE!!!! The fashions we wear are the most obvious indicators of our moods, our interests, and of course our personalities. Personal style is PERSONAL. So if you are starting to wear clothing that is more "current" and you do actually love it, that would lead me to believe that it fits into your personal style. I'm a fan of changing things up; particularly when you already know you like the changes. So embrace the new clothes, and let your friends know how much you like them. Continue to wear the new clothes that your friends think are too stylish and remark on how great you feel in them. If they still give you flack, tell your friends that you are friends with them in spite of their clothing choices and that they should extend the same courtesy to you. HA!!! Nothing quiets criticism like a good, old fashioned insult! Okay, scratch the insult part, but I think asking them kindly to respect your personal style should be effective. If it isn't, tell them that your only other option is nudity, and hopefully they'll appreciate the clothed, too-stylish-you more than the creepy you in your birthday suit.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Terrorizing Toddler
Q: I've been running around with a group of mommies/kids for about 2 1/2 years now. One boy in the group has always displayed rough and aggressive behavior, but now that he's almost 3 1/2, it's starting to be less age-appropriate and a little scary because he's getting big enough to do some real damage (property and bodies). The parents are very laissez-faire and do not provide boundaries/limits for the child. And it's getting a little out of control. I have been avoiding the family as much as I can, but it's complicated because this family lives right down the street, so I can only avoid invites to take the kids on a walk for so long, ya know? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? Do I confront the parents? Do I discipline the child? Or do I just concentrate on teaching my own child on how to deal with these situations?
A: Parenthood is quite the social adventure. It will drag you through the STRANGEST and most uncomfortable alleyways! In this case, it's dragged you down the street, into the home and heart of your dear mommy friend and let's face it, you REALLY don't want to be there. I'm pretty sure there is no perfect way to handle this situation, but if you can approach it with an honest, open heart and a lot of humility, you've got a good shot at achieving the best results.
The next time you are in contact with the little bully and you witness behavior that you think is unacceptable that is directed toward your child or property, I wold use the " Our house, our rules" approach. Say something like: "Oh, no little one, we don't allow XYZ behavior in our house. " And then try to redirect the child to an acceptable, less harmful activity - bubbles maybe? Then, I'd tell the parent, "I am sorry if I'm stepping on your toes, I'm trying to work on XYZ behavior with my child." If the mom is receptive to your discipline, then I'd keep it up as long as it is comfortable. If not, ask her if she'd prefer to have you grab her to intervene if something occurs again. I think honesty, kindness, and patience are the qualities you should lead with and hopefully you guys can come to an understanding. The important thing is that you protect your child's environment AND hopefully are able to play peacefully with this friend. If you try this a few times and it isn't taking, I'd have a talk with the mom. Maybe ask her to help you protect your little one from her "big" guy. I've found that when you phrase something as a request for help, the person you're speaking to is a lot more likely to acquiesce. Maybe you'll talk with the mom and find out that there is something else going on with her child or even in her life, and that she would be grateful to have another source work on discipline with her child. I used to think it would really bother me to have someone discipline my child. Then, I had 2 toddlers and realized, sometimes they realize they've got you on the run, and simply will not listen to you. An outside voice of authority can be welcome when your kid is tearing apart a grocery store.
Here are a few other ideas to help facilitate peaceful play:
*Try to create a jumping game or obstacle course for the kids. This could help the aggressive one get out some major energy without having physical contact with the kids.
*Create a pretend game where everyone tries to make animal noises or play freeze dancing. Again, independent and energy consuming.
I hope this ends up with your children all being able to play together peacefully! If not, you may need to find some new friends to play with. Though this would certainly be the worst case scenario, you must remember, your child is going to have a LOT of different friends throughout his or her life. If you miss out on a few activities now, I am SURE you can make up for it when he or she is sixteen by having a monthly sleepover party at your house :).
A: Parenthood is quite the social adventure. It will drag you through the STRANGEST and most uncomfortable alleyways! In this case, it's dragged you down the street, into the home and heart of your dear mommy friend and let's face it, you REALLY don't want to be there. I'm pretty sure there is no perfect way to handle this situation, but if you can approach it with an honest, open heart and a lot of humility, you've got a good shot at achieving the best results.
The next time you are in contact with the little bully and you witness behavior that you think is unacceptable that is directed toward your child or property, I wold use the " Our house, our rules" approach. Say something like: "Oh, no little one, we don't allow XYZ behavior in our house. " And then try to redirect the child to an acceptable, less harmful activity - bubbles maybe? Then, I'd tell the parent, "I am sorry if I'm stepping on your toes, I'm trying to work on XYZ behavior with my child." If the mom is receptive to your discipline, then I'd keep it up as long as it is comfortable. If not, ask her if she'd prefer to have you grab her to intervene if something occurs again. I think honesty, kindness, and patience are the qualities you should lead with and hopefully you guys can come to an understanding. The important thing is that you protect your child's environment AND hopefully are able to play peacefully with this friend. If you try this a few times and it isn't taking, I'd have a talk with the mom. Maybe ask her to help you protect your little one from her "big" guy. I've found that when you phrase something as a request for help, the person you're speaking to is a lot more likely to acquiesce. Maybe you'll talk with the mom and find out that there is something else going on with her child or even in her life, and that she would be grateful to have another source work on discipline with her child. I used to think it would really bother me to have someone discipline my child. Then, I had 2 toddlers and realized, sometimes they realize they've got you on the run, and simply will not listen to you. An outside voice of authority can be welcome when your kid is tearing apart a grocery store.
Here are a few other ideas to help facilitate peaceful play:
*Try to create a jumping game or obstacle course for the kids. This could help the aggressive one get out some major energy without having physical contact with the kids.
*Create a pretend game where everyone tries to make animal noises or play freeze dancing. Again, independent and energy consuming.
I hope this ends up with your children all being able to play together peacefully! If not, you may need to find some new friends to play with. Though this would certainly be the worst case scenario, you must remember, your child is going to have a LOT of different friends throughout his or her life. If you miss out on a few activities now, I am SURE you can make up for it when he or she is sixteen by having a monthly sleepover party at your house :).
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Three's a Crowd
Q: What should you do when you're on a date and your date is being hit on?
A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!
A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!
Friendly Fires
Q: What should you do when your friends start dating?
A: It’s bound to happen. You and your friends share thousands of things in common. You plan fun events together, and one night, things get more than friendly between your friends. What do you do now? How do you support your friend with her new beau while you have more insight than you’d like to have on how he might be feeling? This has happened to me a few times. One of those times actually ended up with a marriage of two really happy people in love. This could be a great opportunity for you to have a pair of couple friends that you and your spouse love being with! OR, this could end up in disaster with two broken hearts and a lot of “he said, she said”. The best way to navigate this very friendly fire is by creating a “Chinese Wall”.
“Chinese Wall” is “A term used to describe procedures enforced within a securities firm that separate the firm’s departments to restrict access to non-public, material information, in order to avoid the illegal use of inside information” (www.investorwords.com).
You have to pick your side, pick your area of insider information and NOT share it with the other side. I know you want to be involved in chatting endlessly and analyzing all the details of this exciting new relationship. But, you CAN’T. You have to realize, you may have the benefit of having two friends blissfully happy, all because of YOU! With that glory, comes some sacrifice. Listen, be supportive, but try not to analyze. The best thing you can do for the new love birds is to stay out of their relationship as much as possible and to be supportive without creating confusion. Look at this as an exciting opportunity to test your abilities to keep information to yourself. And when they marry and eventually have children, be sure you get to name their first born.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Summer Lovin'
Hi Emily, Can you help with some tips for fun, inexpensive date night ideas for the summer. Look forward to hearing your wonderful advice!
Dear Courtney,
Summer can be such a romantic time, and rising temperatures don’t necessarily equate to rising costs for a romantic night out. With the change in season, challenge yourself and try to change up where you’re going for your date nights. Summertime is a great time to enjoy the outdoors and longer days. Here are a few ideas that are fun and financially doable:
*Check out your newspaper or weekly entertainment guide to see if there are any free concert series in your area
*See if you can go to the regional fair near you. Often times, there are live bands playing, and even a fireworks show.
*Go on a long bike ride, and pack a summer picnic to eat outside (by the beach if you live near one). In your picnic, be sure to pack some watermelon, wine, fresh sandwiches and a summery dessert.
*Find a place to go night swimming – suits optional.
*Go to a drive-in movie theater, hopefully they’ll play a throwback movie like “Grease”.
*If you do live by the beach, build a bonfire on the sand (where legal) and snuggle under the stars.
None of these sound like a good option for you and your date? Try and think of your favorite summer memories from high school, maybe try and upgrade to an adult level, and dive in! Think of things you love to do outside and try and incorporate them into your date. While getting ready for your date, be sure to sing “Summer Lovin, had me a blaaaast….” re-enacting the dance steps from the movie “Grease”. Be sure to sing as LOUDLY as you possibly can. This will undoubtedly set the tone for a very fun night out, and get you ready for anything.
Dear Courtney,
Summer can be such a romantic time, and rising temperatures don’t necessarily equate to rising costs for a romantic night out. With the change in season, challenge yourself and try to change up where you’re going for your date nights. Summertime is a great time to enjoy the outdoors and longer days. Here are a few ideas that are fun and financially doable:
*Check out your newspaper or weekly entertainment guide to see if there are any free concert series in your area
*See if you can go to the regional fair near you. Often times, there are live bands playing, and even a fireworks show.
*Go on a long bike ride, and pack a summer picnic to eat outside (by the beach if you live near one). In your picnic, be sure to pack some watermelon, wine, fresh sandwiches and a summery dessert.
*Find a place to go night swimming – suits optional.
*Go to a drive-in movie theater, hopefully they’ll play a throwback movie like “Grease”.
*If you do live by the beach, build a bonfire on the sand (where legal) and snuggle under the stars.
None of these sound like a good option for you and your date? Try and think of your favorite summer memories from high school, maybe try and upgrade to an adult level, and dive in! Think of things you love to do outside and try and incorporate them into your date. While getting ready for your date, be sure to sing “Summer Lovin, had me a blaaaast….” re-enacting the dance steps from the movie “Grease”. Be sure to sing as LOUDLY as you possibly can. This will undoubtedly set the tone for a very fun night out, and get you ready for anything.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Bored on the Road
Emily-I am traveling for work this week, and need some advice on keeping myself entertained after work/evening, but staying tip top for work the next day, which rolls around really early. I'll be in Texas through Friday July 2nd---my hotel gym is not so good, and it is raining outside.
Dear Sean,
Traveling is definitely a source of life’s great adventures. However, business traveling can often take you to a place where you would not necessarily go by choice. The beauty of this type of situation is that it offers you the opportunity to learn about a new place, and expose yourself to things that may be outside of your core interests. Wherever you are, you have to assume that there are new things there for you to explore that you don’t have at home. To find out what a new place is all about, ask around (your hotel concierge can be a good start) or try and find the city’s chamber of commerce website for insight into the culture of where you are. Another way to find the pulse of your destination could be to read the arts and entertainment section of the local paper. Maybe you have always wondered about whether or not you’d like contemporary art, and their local museum is featuring a noteworthy installment. Not into art? Try and find out a little history of where you are, and cruise by the local historical digs. You may not be into string on a daily basis, but if you’re in the city that is home to the biggest ball of string - THAT could certainly be worth a stop and the purchase of a commemorative magnet. Wherever you are, there is going to be a “best” of something. Try to find it. Maybe you can find the best view in the city, the best cup of coffee, or the best public art. If all else fails, try and use this time to do a few of the things you have been putting off. Perhaps you’ll be able to write that romantic ode to your wife you really wanted to compose….
Dear Sean,
Traveling is definitely a source of life’s great adventures. However, business traveling can often take you to a place where you would not necessarily go by choice. The beauty of this type of situation is that it offers you the opportunity to learn about a new place, and expose yourself to things that may be outside of your core interests. Wherever you are, you have to assume that there are new things there for you to explore that you don’t have at home. To find out what a new place is all about, ask around (your hotel concierge can be a good start) or try and find the city’s chamber of commerce website for insight into the culture of where you are. Another way to find the pulse of your destination could be to read the arts and entertainment section of the local paper. Maybe you have always wondered about whether or not you’d like contemporary art, and their local museum is featuring a noteworthy installment. Not into art? Try and find out a little history of where you are, and cruise by the local historical digs. You may not be into string on a daily basis, but if you’re in the city that is home to the biggest ball of string - THAT could certainly be worth a stop and the purchase of a commemorative magnet. Wherever you are, there is going to be a “best” of something. Try to find it. Maybe you can find the best view in the city, the best cup of coffee, or the best public art. If all else fails, try and use this time to do a few of the things you have been putting off. Perhaps you’ll be able to write that romantic ode to your wife you really wanted to compose….
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Major Movers
From Leslie:
here's my question: my new husband and i are embarking on a 3000 mile relocation next month and i'm at a standstill. we want to hire movers to pack our truck, drive it across country ourselves, and hire people to move it out on the other end. so, how do we navigate all the seemingly deceitful moving companies? which route do we take from sf to new freaking hampshire? where do i even start?
From Emily:
Ahhh moving. One of the most exciting and stressful times in one’s life. I know a little about this, as I once moved 3 times within a two year period.
Here is where to start: take an honest inventory of all of your stuff and figure out what you can donate or throw away. Look at this as a fabulous opportunity to cleanse yourself! You and your husband can rid yourself of old t-shirts and bleach stained towels! When you move something you’re paying to move it. Do you really need that pink sequin skirt that you wore as your Gem costume last Halloween? Perhaps. Do you want to put more money towards it? Probably not. Cleansing can be fun, and if you do it in advance, you’ll be able to thoughtfully donate to great charities that might give your treasures a chance to be treasured again. Old magazines? See if a local hospital might want them. Old work clothes? Great for a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps people get back into the job market. Taffeta bridesmaid dress? Could be a prom dress for someone who couldn’t afford one otherwise. You get the idea. First, eliminate as much as you can. Second, invite over your most trusted minimalist friends and have them help you go through EVERYTHING you’re thinking of taking with you. Make it a fun fashion show. Maybe you can trade an item that is “So California” with someone for something that could be “So New Hampshire”. Donate, trade, cleanse….and feel good about it because it’s GREEN and could save you some $$$!!
How do you find a trustworthy moving company to help you? I’d strongly recommend finding a website that rates moving companies. Try www.yelp.com or do a web search and you can find a bunch of different sites that rate companies in your area and around your destination. Sift through the consumer reviews and get at least 3 quotes for each end of your move. Before you call, you should know when you’re going reach your destination, which brings us to the next question….
What route should you take to New Hampshire? You and your husband get to decide this one! You guys are set up to have an incredible adventure, one you’ll laugh about for years to come. Here is what you should do:
1. Discuss what each of you envisions for your journey. Pick the top 3 things you would like to do on your trip. Is it stopping for collectable plates? Seeing the Great Salt Lake? Comparing cornfields in Iowa? You guys decide.
2. Discuss and then agree on how many days you’ll spend on your trip.
3. Make a general plan for where you’d like to stop, and find out which places will have a safe place for you to park your truck. Make some reservations, noting the cancellation policy in case you find a more charming or functional alternative on your way. Then, create a flexible itinerary. Be sure to write out all the contact numbers and addresses on the itinerary (or somewhere you can easily find it).
4. Toast yourselves for all of your hard work and prepare for your fun journey! Enjoy your clean living space before you move, then take tons of pictures and/or video along the way!
Just for kicks, I thought I'd include some things I think would be a VERY BAD idea to do:
*Have a huge going away party the night before you move, BEFORE you've packed up all your stuff. Then, leave everything in your old place, and plan to just get new stuff when you arrive in New Hampshire. This is expensive, and people typically don't look too kindly on arriving in a new home with all of your old stuff in it. Believe me.
*Play the fun and idiodic game of "Let's not use a map and see where the winds take us". This is sure to get you guys fighting.
*Leave all of the following items at home: your cell charger, a map, your AAA card, your debit card, your husband, and your dog. Moving isn't a great time to embrace your inner gambler. Trust me on this one.
*Try and move everything yourself. You will, without a doubt herniate something and probably end up yelling at each other. I don't care how much you love your husband, if he has dropped his end of the 300lb china cabinet and it's crashing down on you, you're bound to say a few expletives.
*Try and move by garbage bag. Kitchen supplies, vases, and high heeled shoes are ALL items that will simply NOT be contained by a flimsy garbage bag. I had a friend who once used garbage bags to move all of her things during our early 20's. It wasn't until she arrived at her new abode that the bags were SCENTED. Her entire room smelled of scented garbage bag (which is similar to the scent of a dryer sheet) until she moved next. With boxes.
here's my question: my new husband and i are embarking on a 3000 mile relocation next month and i'm at a standstill. we want to hire movers to pack our truck, drive it across country ourselves, and hire people to move it out on the other end. so, how do we navigate all the seemingly deceitful moving companies? which route do we take from sf to new freaking hampshire? where do i even start?
From Emily:
Ahhh moving. One of the most exciting and stressful times in one’s life. I know a little about this, as I once moved 3 times within a two year period.
Here is where to start: take an honest inventory of all of your stuff and figure out what you can donate or throw away. Look at this as a fabulous opportunity to cleanse yourself! You and your husband can rid yourself of old t-shirts and bleach stained towels! When you move something you’re paying to move it. Do you really need that pink sequin skirt that you wore as your Gem costume last Halloween? Perhaps. Do you want to put more money towards it? Probably not. Cleansing can be fun, and if you do it in advance, you’ll be able to thoughtfully donate to great charities that might give your treasures a chance to be treasured again. Old magazines? See if a local hospital might want them. Old work clothes? Great for a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps people get back into the job market. Taffeta bridesmaid dress? Could be a prom dress for someone who couldn’t afford one otherwise. You get the idea. First, eliminate as much as you can. Second, invite over your most trusted minimalist friends and have them help you go through EVERYTHING you’re thinking of taking with you. Make it a fun fashion show. Maybe you can trade an item that is “So California” with someone for something that could be “So New Hampshire”. Donate, trade, cleanse….and feel good about it because it’s GREEN and could save you some $$$!!
How do you find a trustworthy moving company to help you? I’d strongly recommend finding a website that rates moving companies. Try www.yelp.com or do a web search and you can find a bunch of different sites that rate companies in your area and around your destination. Sift through the consumer reviews and get at least 3 quotes for each end of your move. Before you call, you should know when you’re going reach your destination, which brings us to the next question….
What route should you take to New Hampshire? You and your husband get to decide this one! You guys are set up to have an incredible adventure, one you’ll laugh about for years to come. Here is what you should do:
1. Discuss what each of you envisions for your journey. Pick the top 3 things you would like to do on your trip. Is it stopping for collectable plates? Seeing the Great Salt Lake? Comparing cornfields in Iowa? You guys decide.
2. Discuss and then agree on how many days you’ll spend on your trip.
3. Make a general plan for where you’d like to stop, and find out which places will have a safe place for you to park your truck. Make some reservations, noting the cancellation policy in case you find a more charming or functional alternative on your way. Then, create a flexible itinerary. Be sure to write out all the contact numbers and addresses on the itinerary (or somewhere you can easily find it).
4. Toast yourselves for all of your hard work and prepare for your fun journey! Enjoy your clean living space before you move, then take tons of pictures and/or video along the way!
Just for kicks, I thought I'd include some things I think would be a VERY BAD idea to do:
*Have a huge going away party the night before you move, BEFORE you've packed up all your stuff. Then, leave everything in your old place, and plan to just get new stuff when you arrive in New Hampshire. This is expensive, and people typically don't look too kindly on arriving in a new home with all of your old stuff in it. Believe me.
*Play the fun and idiodic game of "Let's not use a map and see where the winds take us". This is sure to get you guys fighting.
*Leave all of the following items at home: your cell charger, a map, your AAA card, your debit card, your husband, and your dog. Moving isn't a great time to embrace your inner gambler. Trust me on this one.
*Try and move everything yourself. You will, without a doubt herniate something and probably end up yelling at each other. I don't care how much you love your husband, if he has dropped his end of the 300lb china cabinet and it's crashing down on you, you're bound to say a few expletives.
*Try and move by garbage bag. Kitchen supplies, vases, and high heeled shoes are ALL items that will simply NOT be contained by a flimsy garbage bag. I had a friend who once used garbage bags to move all of her things during our early 20's. It wasn't until she arrived at her new abode that the bags were SCENTED. Her entire room smelled of scented garbage bag (which is similar to the scent of a dryer sheet) until she moved next. With boxes.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Keeping in touch.....
Q. From Whitney....
"As a modern woman, I'm sure you have friends and family scattered all over this country, maybe even the world. How do you keep your friends close when there is such great distance between you?"
Dear Whitney,
This is a GREAT question - and I swear, I'm not just saying that because I appreciate you being gutsy enough to ask the first one! Our lives are busy, filled with thousands of things to do, people to call, and errands to run. Keeping in contact, maintaining a close relationship while you're not in close proximity can be difficult at best. In order to maintain a relationship, you have to communicate, but I recommend that you communicate with intention. Try doing the following things:
1. Figure out what relationships you're looking to improve
2.Take a realistic look at how much time you can dedicate to those relationships. Sometimes, we wish we were closer with people so we start up a daily or weekly conversation with them. Two or three weeks pass, and you realize; "Oh CRIPES! I haven't returned XYZ's call!!" Better to start out small and foster a realistic level of contact, than deal with the guilt of the new relationship falling apart.
3. Start communicating. Ask questions, and try to set up a time to see the person (or family :)! A few ideas for communication....
a. Send a card. You can send a postcard, a birthday card, a holiday card, or a thinking of you card. Though it's archaic, the handwritten word tends to imply a higher level of care. I keep a list of addresses in my planner so I can send a card from wherever I may be.
b. Set a reminder to get into contact. Set a time, on a reasonable interval, to make a phone call, email, or facebook message. While mass emails among friends are humorous, easy, and entertaining, it’s hard to remain close through them. When you make contact, be sure to include a point of discussion. Something to talk about so that the person will know what to anticipate when they call you back. I am terrible at this personally. I am the QUEEN of writing an email with 10 questions about a friend’s life. Best to stick with one or two so that your contact doesn’t get overwhelmed!
c. Set up a time to see one another face to face. Look at your schedule and your finances. Who can you see this year? Who can come to visit you? You may get a surprise and find out someone is traveling around your area! Great, now set up a time to meet for coffee, dinner, interpretive dancing, whatever. Even if you only see people once a year, that can be more than enough to keep a relationship alive. If you know you’re going to be somewhere, think of who you want to see, and then make a plan to see them. The further in advance you can do this, the better. It will allow you plenty of time to communicate more often before the visit, which will bring you CLOSER.
Beware...if you take this advice, you may find you need advice on a few other things! How to make more time for yourself, how to get your family member off your couch, etc.
Good Luck!
Emily
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thank you for visiting!
Welcome to my blog, thank you so very much for visiting me! I hope you'll take a look around at the site, sign up to follow me, and email me a question or two in search of advice. I promise to provide at least a kernel of interest and a humorous anecdote.
Since this is my first entry, I thought I'd share some unsolicited advice.
1. I strongly recommend that you arm yourself with some "pump it up" music. It can completely change your day, give you a moment of solace, or help you to laugh at a bad situation that you can't change. I love music, I love to sing, so my "pump it up" playlist on my ipod is pretty long. When the tantrums are in full swing, the child gate is ripped off the wall, and a toddler has just soiled him or herself, I find that a little Black Eyed Peas can help me gain perspective. If you don't have a "pump it up" playlist, get one. If you do, update it! Add in some older songs that you used to hear at the pep rallies in high school, do a search on itunes of what the kids are listening to nowadays. Music can be great therapy, and if you're at home or have an ipod, it can be right at your fingertips.
2. On the 4th of July, try to dress your small children in something other than red, white, and blue. Trying to find a 2-foot-tall person in a sea of preschool patriotism can be near impossible. If you feel like you absolutely MUST dress your little ones in the theme for the holiday, I understand. Some of the star spangled smocked dresses and flag t-shirts are downright irresistible! Take a picture on your phone of your child before you go into any crowded areas. That way, if they get lost, you will be prepared with an up to date picture on hand.
3.Never send anything in an email you wouldn't want to come out in court. If you absolutely have to say something unseemly, make a phone call and hope that you aren't being recorded!
Well, there are three of the MANY fascinating things I have to share with you. There is much, much more interest, intrigue and instruction to come!
Since this is my first entry, I thought I'd share some unsolicited advice.
1. I strongly recommend that you arm yourself with some "pump it up" music. It can completely change your day, give you a moment of solace, or help you to laugh at a bad situation that you can't change. I love music, I love to sing, so my "pump it up" playlist on my ipod is pretty long. When the tantrums are in full swing, the child gate is ripped off the wall, and a toddler has just soiled him or herself, I find that a little Black Eyed Peas can help me gain perspective. If you don't have a "pump it up" playlist, get one. If you do, update it! Add in some older songs that you used to hear at the pep rallies in high school, do a search on itunes of what the kids are listening to nowadays. Music can be great therapy, and if you're at home or have an ipod, it can be right at your fingertips.
2. On the 4th of July, try to dress your small children in something other than red, white, and blue. Trying to find a 2-foot-tall person in a sea of preschool patriotism can be near impossible. If you feel like you absolutely MUST dress your little ones in the theme for the holiday, I understand. Some of the star spangled smocked dresses and flag t-shirts are downright irresistible! Take a picture on your phone of your child before you go into any crowded areas. That way, if they get lost, you will be prepared with an up to date picture on hand.
3.Never send anything in an email you wouldn't want to come out in court. If you absolutely have to say something unseemly, make a phone call and hope that you aren't being recorded!
Well, there are three of the MANY fascinating things I have to share with you. There is much, much more interest, intrigue and instruction to come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)