Learning to Surf

Last year, my dad was lamenting that he was jealous of my husband’s ability to surf.  Being the handy helper that I am, I told my dad I’d take surfing lessons with him, and we could both learn how to ride the waves.  I assumed, incorrectly, that surfing would be like most sports.  You learn the mechanics, practice them, and within a short period of time, you’re able to “do” whatever is needed to participate (or, possibly be exceptionally good at the “do” and brag to your husband that he is incredibly lucky to have such a talented wife).  

REALITY is often times a universe away from my imaginings.

I assumed I would be “good” at surfing.  And yeah, I assumed my dad at age 60 plus plus, who was a professional athlete (football), played two college sports (football and rugby), still plays polo (horses not water), and who throughout my life always seems to have the golden touch in all things athletic would be a natural as well at this easy breezy surfing thing.

WRONG.

Surfing is hard.  Or, it was hard for us (perhaps there are natural surf wunderkind out there – congratulations to you - I am jealous).  We paddled out into the frigid water, I balanced my belly on my board with my toes in the air to slow the numbing process - did I mention I scheduled these lessons in February???  

 Overall execution – check.  

 Details –eeeehh scoring in the low range.   

 And we floated, we listened, we tried, and flailed around.  Our instructor was the epitome of patient with us, and we worked hard, but we didn’t leave the beach as experts.  We left as popsicle versions of ourselves, wondering if we could manage the next two days of lessons I had dutifully scheduled. 

Day two, my dad quit early in.  He was beyond his breaking point of frustration and decided he wanted to go back to doing something he enjoyed (and was good at).  During day two; I was able to improve and was still cold, but became surprisingly motivated to keep trying.  I realized, that yes, surfing IS hard, but it is also incredible.  You’re literally surrounded by the earth’s beauty, and all five of your senses are stimulated by the surroundings.  Once the lessons were over, a new friend and I started to go out and flail around pretty regularly.  We weren’t setting any records, but we were laughing a lot and enjoying the scenery.  It’s been a year and a half and I’ve taken 2 additional sets of lessons.  Each time I’ve taken lessons, it is helpful, but I still have a long, long, looooooong way to go before I can claim to be knowledgeable when it comes to surfing.  

 Because surfing is hard, it offers you the opportunity to feel continuously humbled (when a 12 year old is ripping past you wiggling his toes on the nose) and prideful (when you are able to improve to some small degree at something that you’ve been working towards).  It also forces you to not take yourself so seriously.  There are tons of cheesy metaphors I could throw in here, about surfing giving you a connection to mother earth, or that surfing the waves is like riding the changing tides of life.  Though both statements are true, I think everyone who does try to learn to surf, does it for their own reasons, and that those reasons likely evolve over time.   

I started out wanting to have an excuse to use all of the surf equipment in our garage and thought it would be a cool way to get into shape.  Now, I think it gives me time to laugh with a friend, and reminds me to enjoy the ocean.   

So if you want to learn how to surf, find a friend, take some lessons, keep your sense of humor close and your expectations in the car.  Enjoy the flail.  After each time, your ego may be bruised, but your spirit might be leavened by the salty sea and the scenery around you. 

Personal Anthem

I was recently lucky enough to be sitting at dinner with some dear friends when we got to a rare break in conversation. After a moment, I asked the girls; "What is your personal anthem?". I was SHOCKED! I looked around at the faces I've known for so long and saw an audience of blank and quizzical faces. Apparently not everyone has put as much time and attention into deciding their personal anthem as yours truly.

The personal anthem comes into play at a variety of times. When you're walking down the street, when you're having a bad day, when you're waiting for a job interview, or when you win the lottery. At moments of triumph and moments of trial, the personal anthem can be a great thing to have playing in your head. When practicing walking down the runway in the privacy of your own home, doing the dishes or sweeping the floor, it's nice to have a song that you sing to yourself.

I hope you all take a moment to think of your personal anthem today. Think of the song that you feel best describes YOU, where you are in your life, what you value, what you aspire to be, or even what simply makes you laugh.

Obviously, I have a personal anthem. I've had a few over the years, but at this moment in time, my personal anthem is "Aint Nothing Going to Hold Me Down" by Men at Work. Which is TOTALLY random, but I find it suits me and my life at this time. I hope you all have a chance to ponder your anthems over the weekend, and ask a friend what theirs might be, you might just learn something fun!

Q: My girlfriend has started buying me clothes that others feel are too stylish for me. I do have a style of my own, and don't know exactly what that is, but I feel that it is comfortable and up to date. All the clothes that my friends or my girlfriend buy me I absolutely love. I have no problem with change or trying to look better. I feel that I am always appropriately dressed. How do I remedy the situation?

A: Style is nothing if not personal. Your friends are probably just extremely jealous that you have stylish new clothes and that you got them for FREE!!!! The fashions we wear are the most obvious indicators of our moods, our interests, and of course our personalities. Personal style is PERSONAL. So if you are starting to wear clothing that is more "current" and you do actually love it, that would lead me to believe that it fits into your personal style. I'm a fan of changing things up; particularly when you already know you like the changes. So embrace the new clothes, and let your friends know how much you like them. Continue to wear the new clothes that your friends think are too stylish and remark on how great you feel in them. If they still give you flack, tell your friends that you are friends with them in spite of their clothing choices and that they should extend the same courtesy to you. HA!!! Nothing quiets criticism like a good, old fashioned insult! Okay, scratch the insult part, but I think asking them kindly to respect your personal style should be effective. If it isn't, tell them that your only other option is nudity, and hopefully they'll appreciate the clothed, too-stylish-you more than the creepy you in your birthday suit.

Friendly Fires

Q: What should you do when your friends start dating?

A: It’s bound to happen. You and your friends share thousands of things in common. You plan fun events together, and one night, things get more than friendly between your friends. What do you do now? How do you support your friend with her new beau while you have more insight than you’d like to have on how he might be feeling? This has happened to me a few times. One of those times actually ended up with a marriage of two really happy people in love. This could be a great opportunity for you to have a pair of couple friends that you and your spouse love being with! OR, this could end up in disaster with two broken hearts and a lot of “he said, she said”. The best way to navigate this very friendly fire is by creating a “Chinese Wall”.

“Chinese Wall” is “A term used to describe procedures enforced within a securities firm that separate the firm’s departments to restrict access to non-public, material information, in order to avoid the illegal use of inside information” (www.investorwords.com).

You have to pick your side, pick your area of insider information and NOT share it with the other side. I know you want to be involved in chatting endlessly and analyzing all the details of this exciting new relationship. But, you CAN’T. You have to realize, you may have the benefit of having two friends blissfully happy, all because of YOU! With that glory, comes some sacrifice. Listen, be supportive, but try not to analyze. The best thing you can do for the new love birds is to stay out of their relationship as much as possible and to be supportive without creating confusion. Look at this as an exciting opportunity to test your abilities to keep information to yourself. And when they marry and eventually have children, be sure you get to name their first born.