First Date Night

I recently had a friend ask me for good date night converstaion topics, and I didn't get a chance to respond to her in time. So, rather than waste all of the ideas I came up with, I thought I'd post a few here. In my early 20's I was a bit of a date-a-holic. I really enjoyed the dating process. I know that makes me a bit of a freak, but I think it has to do with the fact that I like learning about people, and I like adventure. A first date is nothing if not an adventure into someones life. Certainly, there were some BAD dates, but I usually found I was able to keep the conversation moving, even if it was to continue discussing my date's obsession with his mother. WEIRD!!!

Whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with someone I don't know that well, and sometimes when I'm getting ready for a date night with my husband, I find myself thinking of good conversation topics. A good conversation topic for a first date is usually one that allows you to find out more about the person you are with. It should strike the balance between being original and unexpected while still being somewhat broad and easy to discuss. The topic should bring up feelings that are light and enjoyable, rather than depressing and jarring. Always consider your audience when you bring up a new topic. Before asking a question, try to conceive of your date's possible answers, if there is a chance that the answers could bring up some bad feelings, you might want to consider a different topic. Here are a few questions and topics I've discussed in the past that I found were pretty good during the first date.....

• When was the last time you laughed really hard?

• Where is your favorite place?

• What clebrity would you like to be for a day?

• What do you like about yourself? You don't actually have to come out and ask this one directly, if you're listening to someone, they'll likely indicate something they like about themselves or a quality that they have, and you can use this as a jumping off point for conversation.

• How did you end up in your current line of work - if the person is between jobs or HATES their job this is obviously not a good question. This is a really good one if the date conversation is not going well since it will take up a LOT of time and offer you the opportunity to ask a lot of follow up questions. People enjoy talking about themselves and this allows you to keep the focus of the conversation on your date. So that you don't have to sit in silence and you can think about what you want to do next. If the conversation is going well and you're looking to get the focus off you, this is a good one too. It will also give you a brief recent history of the person you're with.

• And finally, there is my new favorite question..... Which rap song best describes you?

Happy dating!

Three's a Crowd

Q: What should you do when you're on a date and your date is being hit on?

A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.

While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!

Friendly Fires

Q: What should you do when your friends start dating?

A: It’s bound to happen. You and your friends share thousands of things in common. You plan fun events together, and one night, things get more than friendly between your friends. What do you do now? How do you support your friend with her new beau while you have more insight than you’d like to have on how he might be feeling? This has happened to me a few times. One of those times actually ended up with a marriage of two really happy people in love. This could be a great opportunity for you to have a pair of couple friends that you and your spouse love being with! OR, this could end up in disaster with two broken hearts and a lot of “he said, she said”. The best way to navigate this very friendly fire is by creating a “Chinese Wall”.

“Chinese Wall” is “A term used to describe procedures enforced within a securities firm that separate the firm’s departments to restrict access to non-public, material information, in order to avoid the illegal use of inside information” (www.investorwords.com).

You have to pick your side, pick your area of insider information and NOT share it with the other side. I know you want to be involved in chatting endlessly and analyzing all the details of this exciting new relationship. But, you CAN’T. You have to realize, you may have the benefit of having two friends blissfully happy, all because of YOU! With that glory, comes some sacrifice. Listen, be supportive, but try not to analyze. The best thing you can do for the new love birds is to stay out of their relationship as much as possible and to be supportive without creating confusion. Look at this as an exciting opportunity to test your abilities to keep information to yourself. And when they marry and eventually have children, be sure you get to name their first born.