I'm feeling nostalgic today and thinking it would be a good
time to look back. Things have been going well with the people that came
out of my belly, and that is when I find nostalgia to be positive rather than disarmingly harmful.
Looking back after days that are hard skews my perspective so much, it's hard to
know what the point is of any of it.
Blake's first real Halloween, where we attempted trick or
treating, he bit me so hard I still have a scar from it 7 years later. He
wanted to go into the house. Of the stranger we had never even seen
before. He was not interested in saying trick-or-treat, not interested in the candy, and he was not
interested in walking back through the crowd of kids behind him. He
probably figured hiding under the couch in a strangers house looked safer than "out there" with all
of the noisy, excited trick-or-treaters. It was horrible. The bite
really hurt, and I know I'm going to sound like a huge weenie, but it hurt a
lot. He got me good, and to be fair, he had tried other ways to tell me
he had other plans for the evening and I pushed him to have the super weird
"normal" Halloween experience, so I get where he was coming from.
It's taken a few years, but this year, we may actually get closer to the ''normal''-ish Halloween experience. Over the past two years, we've been able to pull him in his wagon as we go around our neighborhood. If he wants to, he can go up to the door, and if he doesn't he doesn't have to. We have popcorn and other sensory supports in the wagon, and we are set to go around the neighborhood with friends who he is really comfortable with. I'm feeling optimistic. But mostly, I'm feeling grateful. Because it has been a long and bumpy journey thus far, and I'm happy to be where we are now, instead of where we were back then. Blake isn't running away, and he's been stopping when we call him to stop, so I'm very grateful for that. His functional language continues to improve, so he can express preferences that are known, so that is another point in the outings category. And finally, he seems to enjoy being with kids more now. He's not ready for a rave, and we are still going to struggle in novel, loud activities, but through painful training, he has become more adaptable and seems to actually enjoy being around other kids right now.
I still continue to have no idea where his story is going, but I'm not quite as scared about it as I used to be. Maybe that is just wishful thinking, but I know that worry isn't going to help him, and is only going to fry me faster.
So happy Halloween to all, and hopefully you experience some wins and fun tonight!
