Santa Baby......

Santa and Olivia 2015

Dear Santa,

Thanks so much for all of magic you add to this time of year.  You are one very special guy.  This year, I thought I’d send you a long list; there are plenty of options here!  My thinking is of the “if you shoot for moon and miss, you still may be among the stars.” genus.

Emily’s List:

1.  No cellulite or thigh wrinkles.  Eternal tautness in the region between my ankles and hips.  Thanks that would be greeeeat.

    

2.    Heal Blake.  Help me understand what he needs and figure out what to give him to help him get those needs met.

    

3.  Removal of all worry.  Help me to grow the Zen that takes residence in my heart in the most sacred and surprising of moments to fill me up and push the worries out of me so that there is no room for them.

    

4. Perfect confidence.  Not too much, not too little.  The right amount so that I don’t pass on my insecurities to my daughter and not so much that I start to think I’m more than just a wonderful but small part of God’s plan.

    

5. Big love. For my family, my patient and wonderful spouse, my kids, people in the community and abroad.

    

6. Stop all terrorism.  No bombs, no attacks, no rhetoric.  Just white this out with a marker or scrub it with one of those Mr. Clean sponges.  Remove it from our world in a way that keeps it from coming back.

    

1. Yes, I realize how shallow I am that this is not #1.  Sorry, I’m going with the Kerouac, spontaneous prose approach.  Just keepin’ it real over here.  Oh man I am lame.

    

7.  Stop all human trafficking.  Stop the people buying these victims, stop the people working to keep it going, and help to heal the victims of this plague. 

1.   Insert repeat of shame from 6.1 here….

    

8. Eliminate cancer.  I can accept that in some lives, cancer has been used for good, however, I’m feeling like a gambler, and love to see what a world without cancer would be like.

    

9. Improved food supply and food for the hungry.  Help us to create a system where the excess is shared in a more efficient way with those that are without food and basic human needs.

    

10.  The ability to fly

     

11.  20 or so laughing fits (the kind where you cry a little and are completely overwhelmed by humor).

     

12. Comfy slippers (gotta throw some softballs in here to give the big guy in red and those trusty elves some relief) 

     

13.   Magic glasses.  The kind where you put them on and see the magic in people instead of your own reflection or impression of them.

     

14. The ability to eat chocolate and cheese and drink red wine and only get the good benefits from it, not the bad ones (thighs, hangovers, etc.).

     

 Thanks again for all you do Santa.  I’m not sure if you’re the same Santa that was in residence back in the 80’s but if you are, you did such a great job listening intently to our lists and giving us GREAT presents.  I hope you know how loved you are (by me especially) and that even if you’re unable to deliver on any of these items, I’ll still think you’re magnificent.

XOXX

Emily

SURPRISE!!! This is life, and it's all YOURS.

Surprise!

This is your life.

Does anyone else feel like they're just a little bit surprised by where they are right now?  The chair you're in?  The freeway you're on, the doctor's office you're sitting in?  The park swing you're pushing?  Hey, catch that kid before he.....oops.

I've mentioned this  a few times before, but considering the gravity of this fact, it bears mention again; I'm controlling.  I'd like to think it's come on with parenting, aging and having a child with autism, but I'm pretty sure my parents and anyone who knew me from my days in knee socks might say it was always a part of my lovely personality.   Being controlling can have some beautiful and well organized outcomes.  It can also make the people around you crazy and keep you from having fun.  My love of fun is greater than my love of controlling, so I realize, it's important to make some changes.   

If we think about it from a rational point of view, we can expect the following to be true in life:

Good Surprises = Occur often

Bad (or Unwanted) Surprises = Occur often

Absence of Surprises = Never

The last time you had a laugh until you cry moment, did you know exactly when it was going to happen?  Did you meet the love of your life exactly when you thought you might?  Was your favorite part of the day yesterday exactly when you thought it would be?  Are your best friends just who you planned to have?  Are you living exactly where you thought you'd be living right now?  Are you working a job you always knew you had?  Or, is there a bit of surprise involved in every answer to these questions?

Knowing this, I realize, it's important for me to ride the whale of life (or roller coaster, or wave, or whatever).  I prefer whale, because I feel like life right now is going a a speed that is fast, and often feel like I have water up my nose, but I digress.  I need to be ok with rolling, and embracing the surprise.  To learn to delight in the boom of confetti cannons and honking horns of life.  To truly give over to loving the surprises rather than choosing frustration at the "out of the plan" occurrence.  I've grown entrenched in the day to day that I'd like to think I'm lord of my universe and can anticipate what is around the corner.  But surprises are everywhere.  And if I can learn to enjoy them, smile at them and get some confetti in my hair, then won't I be just a bit better at life?  Hopefully = YES.

So what is it like to parent a child with autism?

I was talking with a friend's husband recently, and he asked me what it was like parenting a child with autism.  And I realized he really did want to know and that he truly had no idea.  I tried my best to share with him some of our challenges in the most positive way possible, but of course, it has taken me a day or two to come up with a better answer that seem to fit - at least for now....

If you think of parenting as a marathon that every parent is in, it's like running that marathon too, just with a different terrain, barefoot, with a gorilla on your back.  With people shouting advice, judgements, or instructions from within the race and also on the sidelines.  You keep checking the map, and running down routes, only to find out

 "NO GORILLAS ALLOWED" 

or 

"Your Gorilla has to be quarantined"

 or whatever.  And people yell, impassioned yells

 "God only gives you what you can handle!!"   

"You're blessed for your gorilla, shame shame shame on you for complaining about your bloody feed and aching back!"  

 And a favorite in our household :  "What do you think you did wrong to loose your shoes and get a gorilla??" Add in the additional noise from your gorilla, who's uncomfortable, struggling from being stuck on your back,  and other people in the race shout:

 "KEEP THAT GORILLA AWAY FROM ME!! 

 He may be contagious!  Or;  "He is going to slow down my race time!".

I could go on, but you get the picture.  We are all in a different "marathon", living different lives, that are constantly changing - we're enjoying wonderful, blessed moments that are rich in  delirious love.  Everyone is an individual, having an individual experience, and I would never suggest that my metaphor and subsequent experience is representative of a greater population.

But it is human nature to want for it to be.  I want to be able to gain data from people, group them together, organize findings and come up with a solution.  I want an easy answer.  That sadly doesn't always seem to end up working with parenting though.  So all I can share is that today, this is my better answer to "what it's like".

Enjoy the race!

Answers from the gym

I have changed over the years from a person who shunned the word to gym to a person who uses one.  Frequently :(.  Much to my chagrin, you can't eat nachos and enjoy your clothes as they are without working really, really hard and making yourself super uncomfortable to sweat the nachos off.  And nachos are delicious.  As well as burritos, and wine.  And many other items I still eat.  But that isn't what I'm advising on today.  The gym this weekend had the essential keeping-me-from-quitting tool - at handy television screen inside the stair climber that I use to keep myself from quitting my workout after 2 minutes.  I need accountability people.  And distraction.  Lots and lots of distraction.  Then, I have a much higher chance of staying for longer than 2 minutes and actually breaking a sweat.    On the television, I happened upon an incredible program that introduced me to an incredibly enlightened speaker.  Prem Rawat.  

He shared something that I really enjoyed and thought I'd re-share.

You get good at what you practice.

If you practice anger, you get good at anger

If you practice peace and love, you get better at peace and love.

http://www.premrawat.com/

Its not a new idea, it is something we know, and yet, when stated so simply by someone else, it resonated.  This idea is found in directives throughout literature, self help, religion, social media, and pinterest for crying out loud, but hearing it again, it struck me.  Stop practicing worry.  Stop practicing gossip, stop practicing judgment and practice instead peace.  Practice joy.  Practice kindness.  Practice the qualities you aspire to have more of.  

So my stair climbing experience was pretty exciting.  I was able to be joyful, and excited while doing something I usually am less than joyful about.  Here is hoping reading this will have a similar affect on you, or someone you share it with!

I wish that I could be like the cool kids, the cool kiiiiiiiids.

Oh hello there!  Hi, yeah, it's me, and it's been a while.  Forgive me?  Read on?  I hope you will..

I'd love to say that I've just been too busy being cool over the past year to write, but that would be a complete lie.  I've been chasing down work and kept myself busy and well, I was just not being busy writing, but I'm hoping to change that now...

So what is the splashy, awesome, life-changing blog-blurb I've got for you today??  You got it, it's all about being COOL.  Which I suppose is not possible if you write about it, but let's set that aside and go with me on this one.  Apparently there is a study showing that being cool actually leads to your demise later in life, so perhaps you should re-think your goals huh?  Lest you worry that I am making this up (as I've been known to do quite convincingly) here's a quote, a link, a sources, and a pic... I am seriously BRINGING IT with my comeback blog.

"Teens who were romantically involved at an early age, engaged in delinquent activity, and placed a premium on hanging out with physically attractive peers were thought to be popular by their peers at age 13. 

But over time, this sentiment faded, the team found.

By 22, those once-cool teens were rated by their peers as being less competent in managing social relationships. "

"Researchers followed 184 teens from age 13, when they were in seventh and eighth grades, to age 23, collecting information from the teens themselves as well as from their peers and parents. "

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3181611/The-curse-cool-Kids-popular-school-losers-adults-claims-study.html#ixzz3kWxfOm1I
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

link to article here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3181611

link to the study here ( I think ) : http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.12250/full/

So I know, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking; "Hey!  I was cool, and I am NOT a loser" and you know what, if that is what you're thinking, well, that is just fabulous.  But if nothing else, shouldn't a bunch of scientists who sat around for 10 years tracking cool kids get a bit of our mind space before we flit off to the grocery list?  So let's say you were the exception, or perhaps you know a friend of a friend who was the exception to this rule.  Well that is just fabulous, you know some non-losers.  Yay for you.  However, isn't this a nice opportunity to share some insight and good news with our over-parented, over-scheduled, stressed out kids?

"Hey bud, you know how mom (or dad, or auntie, or uncle, or sensei) always says it's not important to be popular?  You know what?  Science has proven moms are right, and that being seen as popular isn't always a great thing for young people.  It's ok to focus on whomever your buddies are, and to take the slow track and to not spend so much time fighting to climb the social ladder, because doing so may only lead you to be held back in the end. "

So that is my snippet, my advice for the day.  And maybe it's a good reminder to someone like me, who was never without friends, but definitely was NOT very cool.