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I am not an expert, this advice is intended to be helpful and humorous, with flashes of wit. Please know this is a futile attempt at getting the world to do things the way I see fit.

If you need advice on any topic, I'm happy to help you by either giving my own recommendations, or seeking out recommendations from others, then claiming them as my own. If you have no sense of humor, please do not read this blog.

How it works...please post a question in the comments section of the blog (or send me an email if you'd like more anonymity). I'll post it with my advice. Take the advice, leave the advice, but don't let me tell you
"I told you so!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Numbers + Vent =



Thank you state testing results for reminding me how academically delayed my child is.  Thanks SO much for that handy bar chart ranking him at the bottom. That was super helpful as a visual.

I get it.  There are many reasons to test special education.  Not everyone receives the same results and every student should be counted.  The data has value, I assume, and our depressing results are ours, not everyone's.  I don't want to change the system, I just want to vent.  Similar to stepping on a scale to affirm what you know but avoid; or looking in the mirror at an aging face, or getting a crappy credit score or low bank account - numbers can hurt.

You have cancer? Then you probably have thousands of examples  you can recall of numbers hurting.  You ever compete in sports; numbers hurt, scores can hurt.  Not getting the results you want SUCKS.

I don not consider myself to be in denial about my son's autism.  It is accepted and praised, and loved in our household.  But, when I have to recognize hard truths, that still sucks.  Filling out the new intake form for a therapeutic or medical professional sucks.  Re-visiting dates of first smile, walking, crawling, all the milestones that tracked perfectly and then all of the ones we still haven't hit, breaks my heart a little every time.  Revisiting the perfect, easy pregnancy and labor and then trying to answer; "What do you think caused this delay in your child" - gives me very strong profanity/ middle finger vibes.  I appreciate this question's value as in certain cases it a parent could have an answer that informs the therapeutic process.  Since I am NOT living in that case, I go towards sarcasm which while it immediately entertains me, I'm sure isn't really helping anyone.  But since this is a blog, here are some of my possible answer candidates:
  • Because I'm a terrible person
  • Bad Karma (I actually did put this one down)
  • The universe hates me
  • God has a different plan for us
  • I am a terrible mother
  • I have no idea, but would love to know...
I know in my heart, we all have those days / moments when the crap tornado blows through your home (or life), and that this minor storm was mine.  It's moved on, and I'm back to the wonders of the day to day which are plentiful.  Hopefully though, my vent helps you vent, or laugh or just think about numbers in a different way.  Perhaps the next time a number that isn't the one you want bonks you in the ear, you'll think of me, and my karma and know that though you're disappointed you are certainly not alone. 

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Let's Get Physical - and what to expect when you get there


Disclaimer:  I used to cry in PE.  Well, I used to fake cry a lot.  I would use any skill in my dramatic arsenal to be excused from running.  I was a PE weasel.  I can admit it now, 30 years later.  I tried to claim asthma, severe cramps, ANYTHING to not have to run, or even exert myself physically.  I would envy a peer's broken leg, and wish for anything to derail me from the dreaded short run around the field.  I'm sure this has ensured tons of karma kickbacks along the way, and it makes my current day to day exercise routine that much more unexpected.  Historically, I have not been keen on exercise.  The fact that I do it as often as I do, and have tried so many classes in the area is nothing short of semi-unbelievable, but what can I say; "'Expect the Unexpected''!!!!

I recently had a mom ask me about my experiences with different classes in the area so I thought, why not share a little wrap up of what I've learned so far.  If you don't have a lot of time, and are interested in trying something new, but are scared of what to expect, read on for a lazy convert's review of spots where you can sweat in the OC:

YAS - Yoga & Spin classes.  Very conveniently located and typically on the easier side to attend classes last minute as they aren't terribly full and are so frequent.  This is a good spot for beginners as they have classes that can be adapted to different levels and the mix of people is a bit more diverse than other more intense studios.  The YAS classes (1/2 yoga, 1/2 spin) are a good full body workout and leave you all stretched out and worked out.  They offer great packages and monthly specials so you can get your class cost down to $11 or even lower at times.  A good starter spot, good for people with schedules all over the place who need to pop in last minute, and good for people who need a more affordable spin option.
BRING: Spin shoes, water, a towel (you'll have to buy one otherwise), yoga mat and yoga towel if you take the yoga classes.

Full Psycle - Spin classes.  More intense than Yas, some good instructors, dark-ish room.  The theory is that everyone's output from the bike is on the board so you work to beat the person ahead of you.  I didn't like it because  I was on the bottom and felt bad putting someone else there, BUT, that could just be me.  Go early to your first class to get set up and pre-register ahead of time!
BRING: Spin shoes, water, possibly towels ---it's been a while since I went!

RA Yoga- I love this place.  I've been going for a few years and am pretty biased because I've been there so much.  When you try your first class, you get the rest of your first week free.  But come prepared!  Hot yoga is sweaty. You're welcome for the obvious note. Try a Hot Ra class if you're new to hot yoga, or call them about a beginner class.  The strength classes are an awesome workout, but they do take up a lot of time considering you need to get there a bit early and you'll definitely need a shower after.  So hard and awesome though.
BRING - yoga mat, towel for yoga mat (so your sweaty feet don't slip all over the place), towel to wipe your sweat, and water.  Come a few minutes early for your first class and if you haven't done it before, just set your goal to stay for the whole class.  Shockingly you will get addicted to what seems like torture - crazy but true.

Radiant Hot Yoga- I blame groupon on this one.  And possibly too much wine the night before.  This spot is serious about hot yoga in a swamp.  I took a few classes here and had to quit.  They add steam and heat in some classes and I truly thought I was going to die.  Everyone leaving the class looked like they were walking out of a swimming pool.  I thought a fireball was going to burst out of my chest and melt the rest of me. Not good for me, but if you feel like you need your hot yoga hot hot hot, check it out.  I got trapped in the studio, and am still so embarrassed about leaving early (major yoga no no).
BRING- yoga mat, yoga towel, water, towel for your face, and plan to shower afterwards, maybe bring a towel to sit on as you drive home cause you gonna be STINKY!!

Grit Cycle- Holy workout tribe.  This spot is next level.  I went to class late for my first class and the entire room was so pitch black, I am pretty sure I annoyed everyone in the room and almost broke a toe.  Get there early for your first time, parking is not easy and you need the intel from the pretty front desk gals.  The room is very dark (pitch black ish) at the start of class and the room steams up as the class progresses.  Be prepared to see people exercising at a level that is beautiful and disturbing all in one sweet package.  I thought I was kind of being hazed and hugged at the same time.  Instructors are mostly terrific (exceptions are the instructors-in-training) and the lemon/heaven scented cool towel you're given at the end of class feels other-worldly.
BRING:  Your party pants, spin shoes, water and a plan to shower afterwards, prepare to get WERKed.

SoulCycle- The hype is real.  I attended a hip hop Friday class that made me feel like queen of the dance floor - on a bike.  Very pricey, few to no specials at this spot.  The crowd is fancy but oddly more mixed than the usual 17th street workout crews.  The classes are very good, and hard, and the walls steam up and the instructors motivate you to work even when you want to quit.  Fancy and worth it, but hard to sustain on a budget.
BRING: water, spin shoes, and an open heart.

Orange Theory Fitness- High intensity interval training with heart rate monitors.  Running, rowing and weight training.  If you are looking to do an all over body workout and burn calories, this is your spot.  There is tons of accountability built in to the class assisted by the heart rate monitors, and sometimes you feel like you got your groove and workout on.  Endorphin high is definitely a possibility here, but the crowd can be intense, so bring your workout apparel A-game if you care.  They do have packages, which can make this less of a budget buster, and you will see results.  I used to say I only ran when I was being chased, but that isn't true any more because of the instructors at these classes.  This spot has also been the scene of  many an injury, so don't drink so much OTF kool-aid that you pull your hammy.
BRING: water, a towel and running shoes - come a few minutes early and sign up beforehand.  I have the app on my phone now, but there are some classes you can drop into during the less than peak times.

The 12- This place has community, and if you aren't a big high 5-er, you will become a mini-5er (or, at least a fit bumper) with your group.  The workouts cycle through the room and can be adapted to your level.  Instructors, and the group you workout with will push you as well.  You see it all here, high fitness to new fitness to no fitness, its a mixed bag and not as "sceney" as some other spots can be.  You end up doing 12 exercises in all at 3, 4 or 6 stations on rotations that will make your muscles say HELLO DOLLY.  You will not sweat as much as you may during other classes but you will get stronger, and feel that muscle grow and start to burn your bits and pieces.  I was a fan of adding in the classes 1 to 2 times a week.  The first class and subsequent week is free here, and they have good packages and specials. Be careful of your body here, and don't get hurt trying to get fit.  #COUNTERPRODUCTIVE
BRING:  athletic shoes and water, they have towels and all the equipment you need.