Q: My girlfriend has started buying me clothes that others feel are too stylish for me. I do have a style of my own, and don't know exactly what that is, but I feel that it is comfortable and up to date. All the clothes that my friends or my girlfriend buy me I absolutely love. I have no problem with change or trying to look better. I feel that I am always appropriately dressed. How do I remedy the situation?
A: Style is nothing if not personal. Your friends are probably just extremely jealous that you have stylish new clothes and that you got them for FREE!!!! The fashions we wear are the most obvious indicators of our moods, our interests, and of course our personalities. Personal style is PERSONAL. So if you are starting to wear clothing that is more "current" and you do actually love it, that would lead me to believe that it fits into your personal style. I'm a fan of changing things up; particularly when you already know you like the changes. So embrace the new clothes, and let your friends know how much you like them. Continue to wear the new clothes that your friends think are too stylish and remark on how great you feel in them. If they still give you flack, tell your friends that you are friends with them in spite of their clothing choices and that they should extend the same courtesy to you. HA!!! Nothing quiets criticism like a good, old fashioned insult! Okay, scratch the insult part, but I think asking them kindly to respect your personal style should be effective. If it isn't, tell them that your only other option is nudity, and hopefully they'll appreciate the clothed, too-stylish-you more than the creepy you in your birthday suit.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Terrorizing Toddler
Q: I've been running around with a group of mommies/kids for about 2 1/2 years now. One boy in the group has always displayed rough and aggressive behavior, but now that he's almost 3 1/2, it's starting to be less age-appropriate and a little scary because he's getting big enough to do some real damage (property and bodies). The parents are very laissez-faire and do not provide boundaries/limits for the child. And it's getting a little out of control. I have been avoiding the family as much as I can, but it's complicated because this family lives right down the street, so I can only avoid invites to take the kids on a walk for so long, ya know? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? Do I confront the parents? Do I discipline the child? Or do I just concentrate on teaching my own child on how to deal with these situations?
A: Parenthood is quite the social adventure. It will drag you through the STRANGEST and most uncomfortable alleyways! In this case, it's dragged you down the street, into the home and heart of your dear mommy friend and let's face it, you REALLY don't want to be there. I'm pretty sure there is no perfect way to handle this situation, but if you can approach it with an honest, open heart and a lot of humility, you've got a good shot at achieving the best results.
The next time you are in contact with the little bully and you witness behavior that you think is unacceptable that is directed toward your child or property, I wold use the " Our house, our rules" approach. Say something like: "Oh, no little one, we don't allow XYZ behavior in our house. " And then try to redirect the child to an acceptable, less harmful activity - bubbles maybe? Then, I'd tell the parent, "I am sorry if I'm stepping on your toes, I'm trying to work on XYZ behavior with my child." If the mom is receptive to your discipline, then I'd keep it up as long as it is comfortable. If not, ask her if she'd prefer to have you grab her to intervene if something occurs again. I think honesty, kindness, and patience are the qualities you should lead with and hopefully you guys can come to an understanding. The important thing is that you protect your child's environment AND hopefully are able to play peacefully with this friend. If you try this a few times and it isn't taking, I'd have a talk with the mom. Maybe ask her to help you protect your little one from her "big" guy. I've found that when you phrase something as a request for help, the person you're speaking to is a lot more likely to acquiesce. Maybe you'll talk with the mom and find out that there is something else going on with her child or even in her life, and that she would be grateful to have another source work on discipline with her child. I used to think it would really bother me to have someone discipline my child. Then, I had 2 toddlers and realized, sometimes they realize they've got you on the run, and simply will not listen to you. An outside voice of authority can be welcome when your kid is tearing apart a grocery store.
Here are a few other ideas to help facilitate peaceful play:
*Try to create a jumping game or obstacle course for the kids. This could help the aggressive one get out some major energy without having physical contact with the kids.
*Create a pretend game where everyone tries to make animal noises or play freeze dancing. Again, independent and energy consuming.
I hope this ends up with your children all being able to play together peacefully! If not, you may need to find some new friends to play with. Though this would certainly be the worst case scenario, you must remember, your child is going to have a LOT of different friends throughout his or her life. If you miss out on a few activities now, I am SURE you can make up for it when he or she is sixteen by having a monthly sleepover party at your house :).
A: Parenthood is quite the social adventure. It will drag you through the STRANGEST and most uncomfortable alleyways! In this case, it's dragged you down the street, into the home and heart of your dear mommy friend and let's face it, you REALLY don't want to be there. I'm pretty sure there is no perfect way to handle this situation, but if you can approach it with an honest, open heart and a lot of humility, you've got a good shot at achieving the best results.
The next time you are in contact with the little bully and you witness behavior that you think is unacceptable that is directed toward your child or property, I wold use the " Our house, our rules" approach. Say something like: "Oh, no little one, we don't allow XYZ behavior in our house. " And then try to redirect the child to an acceptable, less harmful activity - bubbles maybe? Then, I'd tell the parent, "I am sorry if I'm stepping on your toes, I'm trying to work on XYZ behavior with my child." If the mom is receptive to your discipline, then I'd keep it up as long as it is comfortable. If not, ask her if she'd prefer to have you grab her to intervene if something occurs again. I think honesty, kindness, and patience are the qualities you should lead with and hopefully you guys can come to an understanding. The important thing is that you protect your child's environment AND hopefully are able to play peacefully with this friend. If you try this a few times and it isn't taking, I'd have a talk with the mom. Maybe ask her to help you protect your little one from her "big" guy. I've found that when you phrase something as a request for help, the person you're speaking to is a lot more likely to acquiesce. Maybe you'll talk with the mom and find out that there is something else going on with her child or even in her life, and that she would be grateful to have another source work on discipline with her child. I used to think it would really bother me to have someone discipline my child. Then, I had 2 toddlers and realized, sometimes they realize they've got you on the run, and simply will not listen to you. An outside voice of authority can be welcome when your kid is tearing apart a grocery store.
Here are a few other ideas to help facilitate peaceful play:
*Try to create a jumping game or obstacle course for the kids. This could help the aggressive one get out some major energy without having physical contact with the kids.
*Create a pretend game where everyone tries to make animal noises or play freeze dancing. Again, independent and energy consuming.
I hope this ends up with your children all being able to play together peacefully! If not, you may need to find some new friends to play with. Though this would certainly be the worst case scenario, you must remember, your child is going to have a LOT of different friends throughout his or her life. If you miss out on a few activities now, I am SURE you can make up for it when he or she is sixteen by having a monthly sleepover party at your house :).
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Three's a Crowd
Q: What should you do when you're on a date and your date is being hit on?
A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!
A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!
Friendly Fires
Q: What should you do when your friends start dating?
A: It’s bound to happen. You and your friends share thousands of things in common. You plan fun events together, and one night, things get more than friendly between your friends. What do you do now? How do you support your friend with her new beau while you have more insight than you’d like to have on how he might be feeling? This has happened to me a few times. One of those times actually ended up with a marriage of two really happy people in love. This could be a great opportunity for you to have a pair of couple friends that you and your spouse love being with! OR, this could end up in disaster with two broken hearts and a lot of “he said, she said”. The best way to navigate this very friendly fire is by creating a “Chinese Wall”.
“Chinese Wall” is “A term used to describe procedures enforced within a securities firm that separate the firm’s departments to restrict access to non-public, material information, in order to avoid the illegal use of inside information” (www.investorwords.com).
You have to pick your side, pick your area of insider information and NOT share it with the other side. I know you want to be involved in chatting endlessly and analyzing all the details of this exciting new relationship. But, you CAN’T. You have to realize, you may have the benefit of having two friends blissfully happy, all because of YOU! With that glory, comes some sacrifice. Listen, be supportive, but try not to analyze. The best thing you can do for the new love birds is to stay out of their relationship as much as possible and to be supportive without creating confusion. Look at this as an exciting opportunity to test your abilities to keep information to yourself. And when they marry and eventually have children, be sure you get to name their first born.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Summer Lovin'
Hi Emily, Can you help with some tips for fun, inexpensive date night ideas for the summer. Look forward to hearing your wonderful advice!
Dear Courtney,
Summer can be such a romantic time, and rising temperatures don’t necessarily equate to rising costs for a romantic night out. With the change in season, challenge yourself and try to change up where you’re going for your date nights. Summertime is a great time to enjoy the outdoors and longer days. Here are a few ideas that are fun and financially doable:
*Check out your newspaper or weekly entertainment guide to see if there are any free concert series in your area
*See if you can go to the regional fair near you. Often times, there are live bands playing, and even a fireworks show.
*Go on a long bike ride, and pack a summer picnic to eat outside (by the beach if you live near one). In your picnic, be sure to pack some watermelon, wine, fresh sandwiches and a summery dessert.
*Find a place to go night swimming – suits optional.
*Go to a drive-in movie theater, hopefully they’ll play a throwback movie like “Grease”.
*If you do live by the beach, build a bonfire on the sand (where legal) and snuggle under the stars.
None of these sound like a good option for you and your date? Try and think of your favorite summer memories from high school, maybe try and upgrade to an adult level, and dive in! Think of things you love to do outside and try and incorporate them into your date. While getting ready for your date, be sure to sing “Summer Lovin, had me a blaaaast….” re-enacting the dance steps from the movie “Grease”. Be sure to sing as LOUDLY as you possibly can. This will undoubtedly set the tone for a very fun night out, and get you ready for anything.
Dear Courtney,
Summer can be such a romantic time, and rising temperatures don’t necessarily equate to rising costs for a romantic night out. With the change in season, challenge yourself and try to change up where you’re going for your date nights. Summertime is a great time to enjoy the outdoors and longer days. Here are a few ideas that are fun and financially doable:
*Check out your newspaper or weekly entertainment guide to see if there are any free concert series in your area
*See if you can go to the regional fair near you. Often times, there are live bands playing, and even a fireworks show.
*Go on a long bike ride, and pack a summer picnic to eat outside (by the beach if you live near one). In your picnic, be sure to pack some watermelon, wine, fresh sandwiches and a summery dessert.
*Find a place to go night swimming – suits optional.
*Go to a drive-in movie theater, hopefully they’ll play a throwback movie like “Grease”.
*If you do live by the beach, build a bonfire on the sand (where legal) and snuggle under the stars.
None of these sound like a good option for you and your date? Try and think of your favorite summer memories from high school, maybe try and upgrade to an adult level, and dive in! Think of things you love to do outside and try and incorporate them into your date. While getting ready for your date, be sure to sing “Summer Lovin, had me a blaaaast….” re-enacting the dance steps from the movie “Grease”. Be sure to sing as LOUDLY as you possibly can. This will undoubtedly set the tone for a very fun night out, and get you ready for anything.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Bored on the Road
Emily-I am traveling for work this week, and need some advice on keeping myself entertained after work/evening, but staying tip top for work the next day, which rolls around really early. I'll be in Texas through Friday July 2nd---my hotel gym is not so good, and it is raining outside.
Dear Sean,
Traveling is definitely a source of life’s great adventures. However, business traveling can often take you to a place where you would not necessarily go by choice. The beauty of this type of situation is that it offers you the opportunity to learn about a new place, and expose yourself to things that may be outside of your core interests. Wherever you are, you have to assume that there are new things there for you to explore that you don’t have at home. To find out what a new place is all about, ask around (your hotel concierge can be a good start) or try and find the city’s chamber of commerce website for insight into the culture of where you are. Another way to find the pulse of your destination could be to read the arts and entertainment section of the local paper. Maybe you have always wondered about whether or not you’d like contemporary art, and their local museum is featuring a noteworthy installment. Not into art? Try and find out a little history of where you are, and cruise by the local historical digs. You may not be into string on a daily basis, but if you’re in the city that is home to the biggest ball of string - THAT could certainly be worth a stop and the purchase of a commemorative magnet. Wherever you are, there is going to be a “best” of something. Try to find it. Maybe you can find the best view in the city, the best cup of coffee, or the best public art. If all else fails, try and use this time to do a few of the things you have been putting off. Perhaps you’ll be able to write that romantic ode to your wife you really wanted to compose….
Dear Sean,
Traveling is definitely a source of life’s great adventures. However, business traveling can often take you to a place where you would not necessarily go by choice. The beauty of this type of situation is that it offers you the opportunity to learn about a new place, and expose yourself to things that may be outside of your core interests. Wherever you are, you have to assume that there are new things there for you to explore that you don’t have at home. To find out what a new place is all about, ask around (your hotel concierge can be a good start) or try and find the city’s chamber of commerce website for insight into the culture of where you are. Another way to find the pulse of your destination could be to read the arts and entertainment section of the local paper. Maybe you have always wondered about whether or not you’d like contemporary art, and their local museum is featuring a noteworthy installment. Not into art? Try and find out a little history of where you are, and cruise by the local historical digs. You may not be into string on a daily basis, but if you’re in the city that is home to the biggest ball of string - THAT could certainly be worth a stop and the purchase of a commemorative magnet. Wherever you are, there is going to be a “best” of something. Try to find it. Maybe you can find the best view in the city, the best cup of coffee, or the best public art. If all else fails, try and use this time to do a few of the things you have been putting off. Perhaps you’ll be able to write that romantic ode to your wife you really wanted to compose….
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Major Movers
From Leslie:
here's my question: my new husband and i are embarking on a 3000 mile relocation next month and i'm at a standstill. we want to hire movers to pack our truck, drive it across country ourselves, and hire people to move it out on the other end. so, how do we navigate all the seemingly deceitful moving companies? which route do we take from sf to new freaking hampshire? where do i even start?
From Emily:
Ahhh moving. One of the most exciting and stressful times in one’s life. I know a little about this, as I once moved 3 times within a two year period.
Here is where to start: take an honest inventory of all of your stuff and figure out what you can donate or throw away. Look at this as a fabulous opportunity to cleanse yourself! You and your husband can rid yourself of old t-shirts and bleach stained towels! When you move something you’re paying to move it. Do you really need that pink sequin skirt that you wore as your Gem costume last Halloween? Perhaps. Do you want to put more money towards it? Probably not. Cleansing can be fun, and if you do it in advance, you’ll be able to thoughtfully donate to great charities that might give your treasures a chance to be treasured again. Old magazines? See if a local hospital might want them. Old work clothes? Great for a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps people get back into the job market. Taffeta bridesmaid dress? Could be a prom dress for someone who couldn’t afford one otherwise. You get the idea. First, eliminate as much as you can. Second, invite over your most trusted minimalist friends and have them help you go through EVERYTHING you’re thinking of taking with you. Make it a fun fashion show. Maybe you can trade an item that is “So California” with someone for something that could be “So New Hampshire”. Donate, trade, cleanse….and feel good about it because it’s GREEN and could save you some $$$!!
How do you find a trustworthy moving company to help you? I’d strongly recommend finding a website that rates moving companies. Try www.yelp.com or do a web search and you can find a bunch of different sites that rate companies in your area and around your destination. Sift through the consumer reviews and get at least 3 quotes for each end of your move. Before you call, you should know when you’re going reach your destination, which brings us to the next question….
What route should you take to New Hampshire? You and your husband get to decide this one! You guys are set up to have an incredible adventure, one you’ll laugh about for years to come. Here is what you should do:
1. Discuss what each of you envisions for your journey. Pick the top 3 things you would like to do on your trip. Is it stopping for collectable plates? Seeing the Great Salt Lake? Comparing cornfields in Iowa? You guys decide.
2. Discuss and then agree on how many days you’ll spend on your trip.
3. Make a general plan for where you’d like to stop, and find out which places will have a safe place for you to park your truck. Make some reservations, noting the cancellation policy in case you find a more charming or functional alternative on your way. Then, create a flexible itinerary. Be sure to write out all the contact numbers and addresses on the itinerary (or somewhere you can easily find it).
4. Toast yourselves for all of your hard work and prepare for your fun journey! Enjoy your clean living space before you move, then take tons of pictures and/or video along the way!
Just for kicks, I thought I'd include some things I think would be a VERY BAD idea to do:
*Have a huge going away party the night before you move, BEFORE you've packed up all your stuff. Then, leave everything in your old place, and plan to just get new stuff when you arrive in New Hampshire. This is expensive, and people typically don't look too kindly on arriving in a new home with all of your old stuff in it. Believe me.
*Play the fun and idiodic game of "Let's not use a map and see where the winds take us". This is sure to get you guys fighting.
*Leave all of the following items at home: your cell charger, a map, your AAA card, your debit card, your husband, and your dog. Moving isn't a great time to embrace your inner gambler. Trust me on this one.
*Try and move everything yourself. You will, without a doubt herniate something and probably end up yelling at each other. I don't care how much you love your husband, if he has dropped his end of the 300lb china cabinet and it's crashing down on you, you're bound to say a few expletives.
*Try and move by garbage bag. Kitchen supplies, vases, and high heeled shoes are ALL items that will simply NOT be contained by a flimsy garbage bag. I had a friend who once used garbage bags to move all of her things during our early 20's. It wasn't until she arrived at her new abode that the bags were SCENTED. Her entire room smelled of scented garbage bag (which is similar to the scent of a dryer sheet) until she moved next. With boxes.
here's my question: my new husband and i are embarking on a 3000 mile relocation next month and i'm at a standstill. we want to hire movers to pack our truck, drive it across country ourselves, and hire people to move it out on the other end. so, how do we navigate all the seemingly deceitful moving companies? which route do we take from sf to new freaking hampshire? where do i even start?
From Emily:
Ahhh moving. One of the most exciting and stressful times in one’s life. I know a little about this, as I once moved 3 times within a two year period.
Here is where to start: take an honest inventory of all of your stuff and figure out what you can donate or throw away. Look at this as a fabulous opportunity to cleanse yourself! You and your husband can rid yourself of old t-shirts and bleach stained towels! When you move something you’re paying to move it. Do you really need that pink sequin skirt that you wore as your Gem costume last Halloween? Perhaps. Do you want to put more money towards it? Probably not. Cleansing can be fun, and if you do it in advance, you’ll be able to thoughtfully donate to great charities that might give your treasures a chance to be treasured again. Old magazines? See if a local hospital might want them. Old work clothes? Great for a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps people get back into the job market. Taffeta bridesmaid dress? Could be a prom dress for someone who couldn’t afford one otherwise. You get the idea. First, eliminate as much as you can. Second, invite over your most trusted minimalist friends and have them help you go through EVERYTHING you’re thinking of taking with you. Make it a fun fashion show. Maybe you can trade an item that is “So California” with someone for something that could be “So New Hampshire”. Donate, trade, cleanse….and feel good about it because it’s GREEN and could save you some $$$!!
How do you find a trustworthy moving company to help you? I’d strongly recommend finding a website that rates moving companies. Try www.yelp.com or do a web search and you can find a bunch of different sites that rate companies in your area and around your destination. Sift through the consumer reviews and get at least 3 quotes for each end of your move. Before you call, you should know when you’re going reach your destination, which brings us to the next question….
What route should you take to New Hampshire? You and your husband get to decide this one! You guys are set up to have an incredible adventure, one you’ll laugh about for years to come. Here is what you should do:
1. Discuss what each of you envisions for your journey. Pick the top 3 things you would like to do on your trip. Is it stopping for collectable plates? Seeing the Great Salt Lake? Comparing cornfields in Iowa? You guys decide.
2. Discuss and then agree on how many days you’ll spend on your trip.
3. Make a general plan for where you’d like to stop, and find out which places will have a safe place for you to park your truck. Make some reservations, noting the cancellation policy in case you find a more charming or functional alternative on your way. Then, create a flexible itinerary. Be sure to write out all the contact numbers and addresses on the itinerary (or somewhere you can easily find it).
4. Toast yourselves for all of your hard work and prepare for your fun journey! Enjoy your clean living space before you move, then take tons of pictures and/or video along the way!
Just for kicks, I thought I'd include some things I think would be a VERY BAD idea to do:
*Have a huge going away party the night before you move, BEFORE you've packed up all your stuff. Then, leave everything in your old place, and plan to just get new stuff when you arrive in New Hampshire. This is expensive, and people typically don't look too kindly on arriving in a new home with all of your old stuff in it. Believe me.
*Play the fun and idiodic game of "Let's not use a map and see where the winds take us". This is sure to get you guys fighting.
*Leave all of the following items at home: your cell charger, a map, your AAA card, your debit card, your husband, and your dog. Moving isn't a great time to embrace your inner gambler. Trust me on this one.
*Try and move everything yourself. You will, without a doubt herniate something and probably end up yelling at each other. I don't care how much you love your husband, if he has dropped his end of the 300lb china cabinet and it's crashing down on you, you're bound to say a few expletives.
*Try and move by garbage bag. Kitchen supplies, vases, and high heeled shoes are ALL items that will simply NOT be contained by a flimsy garbage bag. I had a friend who once used garbage bags to move all of her things during our early 20's. It wasn't until she arrived at her new abode that the bags were SCENTED. Her entire room smelled of scented garbage bag (which is similar to the scent of a dryer sheet) until she moved next. With boxes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)