Stuff that works.
I have a long list of things that haven’t worked when it
comes to autism. But one thing that
we’ve done, that has worked, is the Big Buddy group we started this year. It all began with a boy we will call Tom, a
one-of-a-kind unicorn of a middle schooler who needed to complete volunteer
hours and wanted to do something that worked within his tight school and sports
schedule. His mom and I have been
friends since Blake was born, and when she was wondering aloud how to help him
complete his volunteer hours on such a tight schedule; half-joking; I said
“Well he can always come over and hang out with Blake”.
Social skills are very important and very difficult to teach
to kids on the spectrum. For Blake, when
he is around other typical kids that he likes, he lights up. He’s interested in what they’re doing, he
does things that he doesn’t do for therapists, and shows me that he is more
capable than he likes to act around his mom.
"Tom" came over, riding his bike (a bonus for his mom who
didn’t have to drive him) and joined the after-school therapy
session with Blake and his ABA therapist.
That day, they were working on play routines. We were trying to teach more leisure skills for
Blake, to give him practice at more functional skills with the hope that after
practicing these skills he might grow to enjoy them.
Non-Autism Parent Note:
With Blake, he doesn’t initiate new skills often, so if you wait for him to “figure
it out”, you’re dooming him to a long period of doing the same thing. Not because he necessarily wants to, but
probably because he doesn’t have any way to do something else. So you have to guess at what he might enjoy, what he can do, and what might be something he could grow to do later in life. It is usually rough in the beginning and then he enjoys the activity. Usually :).
Knowing Blake needs to learn new skills step by step with
tons of repetition, we started with the steps for t-ball. Prior to Tom’s arrival, Blake was still
working to attend enough to put the ball on the tee. Within minutes of Tom’s participation, Blake
put the ball on the tee, hit the ball, and ran around the bases. Zero to HERO that kid!!! And the “ah HA” moment hit.
Peer model => more
fun for Blake => more authentic play => more skills => happy / more
able kid => mom and therapist doing backflips.
When something works for Blake, I go into MAJOR exploitation
mode. If this worked, then could we try X? Could this work for other people? How do we grow this? How do we do more of
what works?? How do we share it so other people can do something that actually works?!?
And then the idea for the
Big Buddy program was born. I realize,
there are many of these types of programs, but I’m not involved with them, and I was scared to try them or the timing for them didn't work, or Blake is not the right severity of autism for them. I know I didn’t invent the wheel, but I’m thrilled
to be a part of a special magic that makes an impact for families in my community.
What we did
Tom’s mom and I then worked to figure out a way to connect
our groups. Hers, the group of boys who,
like Tom could be good at playing with kids with autism, were interested in
this type of community service, and also needed volunteer hours. Mine, families with special needs children
who would benefit from a typically developing kiddo a few years older than their
child, showing interest and playing with their kid. We invited all of the players and had our
first event. It was a pretty huge success
full of higher power, WOW moments. We
heard feedback about increased awareness/interest/compassion from typical
parents. We heard feedback from the
typical kids about how much fun they had.
We heard teary-eyed feedback from parents who saw their child show their
parents skills that mom or dad didn’t know they had.
“This is so great for
my son and our family” (From both typical and special needs families)
“I’m loving the
conversations we are having after this event about different needs.” (from
typical families)
“I can’t tell you how
grateful I am to see my child so happy playing with his big buddy” (from
special needs families)
“This is the first
time I’ve been able to relax while my child has had fun in I don’t know how
long.” (from special needs families)
And also; “This is really special”.
So, if you have the ability to copy this in your own
community, DO IT. It hasn't been perfect, but each time we do a Big Buddy event, I get a couple of major thank yous that keep me from giving up. Coordinating people, pleasing everyone isn't easy and I fail at it every time. But if it helps one family, then I figure that's worth it.
I
often find that among the many gifts we get from having a special needs child,
it is the opportunity to help others to be a little more patient that is one of
the most frequent and greatest ones. For
typical families, there seem to be numerous benefits: increased understanding,
patience, less fear of differences, increased leadership opportunities and shifting
of perspective. For special needs
families, the benefit of increasing community, your child being able to attend
something that is “for” them (not adapted to accommodate them), and watching
your child play in a more natural environment seem to be a few.
We are having our next
Big Buddy event in a few weeks, if you have a child with special needs
and are in orange county, please message me or comment below if you’re
able to come (or would like to be invited to come to the next one)!
