Stuff that works - The Big Buddy story

Stuff that works.

I have a long list of things that haven’t worked when it comes to autism.  But one thing that we’ve done, that has worked, is the Big Buddy group we started this year.  It all began with a boy we will call Tom, a one-of-a-kind unicorn of a middle schooler who needed to complete volunteer hours and wanted to do something that worked within his tight school and sports schedule.  His mom and I have been friends since Blake was born, and when she was wondering aloud how to help him complete his volunteer hours on such a tight schedule; half-joking; I said

“Well he can always come over and hang out with Blake”.

Social skills are very important and very difficult to teach to kids on the spectrum.  For Blake, when he is around other typical kids that he likes, he lights up.  He’s interested in what they’re doing, he does things that he doesn’t do for therapists, and shows me that he is more capable than he likes to act around his mom. 

"Tom" came over, riding his bike (a bonus for his mom who didn’t have to drive him) and joined the after-school therapy session with Blake and his ABA therapist.  That day, they were working on play routines.  We were trying to teach more leisure skills for Blake, to give him practice at more functional skills with the hope that after practicing these skills he might grow to enjoy them. 

Non-Autism Parent Note: With Blake, he doesn’t initiate new skills often, so if you wait for him to “figure it out”, you’re dooming him to a long period of doing the same thing.  Not because he necessarily wants to, but probably because he doesn’t have any way to do something else.  So you have to guess at what he might enjoy, what he can do, and what might be something he could grow to do later in life.  It is usually rough in the beginning and then he enjoys the activity.  Usually :).

Knowing Blake needs to learn new skills step by step with tons of repetition, we started with the steps for t-ball.  Prior to Tom’s arrival, Blake was still working to attend enough to put the ball on the tee.  Within minutes of Tom’s participation, Blake put the ball on the tee, hit the ball, and ran around the bases.  Zero to HERO that kid!!!  And the “ah HA” moment hit.

 Peer model => more fun for Blake => more authentic play => more skills => happy / more able kid => mom and therapist doing backflips.

When something works for Blake, I go into MAJOR exploitation mode.  If this worked, then could we try X?  Could this work for other people?  How do we grow this? How do we do more of what works??  How do we share it so other people can do something that actually works?!?  

And then the idea for the Big Buddy program was born.  I realize, there are many of these types of programs, but I’m not involved with them, and I was scared to try them or the timing for them didn't work, or Blake is not the right severity of autism for them.  I know I didn’t invent the wheel, but I’m thrilled to be a part of a special magic that makes an impact for families in my community.

What we did

Tom’s mom and I then worked to figure out a way to connect our groups.  Hers, the group of boys who, like Tom could be good at playing with kids with autism, were interested in this type of community service, and also needed volunteer hours.  Mine, families with special needs children who would benefit from a typically developing kiddo a few years older than their child, showing interest and playing with their kid.  We invited all of the players and had our first event.  It was a pretty huge success full of higher power, WOW moments.  We heard feedback about increased awareness/interest/compassion from typical parents.  We heard feedback from the typical kids about how much fun they had.  We heard teary-eyed feedback from parents who saw their child show their parents skills that mom or dad didn’t know they had. 

“This is so great for my son and our family” (From both typical and special needs families)

“I’m loving the conversations we are having after this event about different needs.” (from typical families)

“I can’t tell you how grateful I am to see my child so happy playing with his big buddy” (from special needs families)

“This is the first time I’ve been able to relax while my child has had fun in I don’t know how long.” (from special needs families)

And also; “This is really special”.

So, if you have the ability to copy this in your own community, DO IT.  It hasn't been perfect, but each time we do a Big Buddy event, I get a couple of major thank yous that keep me from giving up.  Coordinating people, pleasing everyone isn't easy and I fail at it every time.  But if it helps one family, then I figure that's worth it.  

I often find that among the many gifts we get from having a special needs child, it is the opportunity to help others to be a little more patient that is one of the most frequent and greatest ones.  For typical families, there seem to be numerous benefits: increased understanding, patience, less fear of differences, increased leadership opportunities and shifting of perspective.  For special needs families, the benefit of increasing community, your child being able to attend something that is “for” them (not adapted to accommodate them), and watching your child play in a more natural environment seem to be a few.

We are having our next Big Buddy event in a few weeks, if you have a child with special needs and are in orange county, please message me or comment below if you’re able to come (or would like to be invited to come to the next one)!