Trying something NEW for the new year....

I am probably at my strongest poetically up on a microphone when no one is really listening closely.  However, I thought I'd try something new.. a little poem for the New Year.   While it is true that in recent years I've grown to shy away from change, my love of traditions eclipses this habit and allows me to really enjoy the New Year holiday.  The idea that next year at this time, things will be different, I will have grown and life will have changed excites me today.   Let me know what you think of the poem below......

Beginning

Deep breathing, new believing, digging in or leaving, chest heaving

Finding hope, finding love, shaking off, growing up

Starting over, re-beginning, holding treasures from your winning

Letting it go but reining it in, opening slow, touching the skin

Of the new beginning, of the new day, of this moment when I hear you say:

“Good morning!” 

It’s a new world, the race is on, the lights are green, become a swan

Hoping for more, hoping for most. Living in present, leaving the ghost

Of old days, of old hands, of things said, of broken plans

It is a new beginning.

There is fear, there are guts, there is bravery here with us

A fresh new old me and new old you trying to be who we said we would be to

One another and all of the other one another’s we made promises for

Feet on the floor, open the door.  It is January with a zero score,

It is time for a new beginning.

8 go-to pieces of advice used all year long...

Before 2012 comes to a close, I thought it might be nice to do a quick wrap up of some of my favorite pieces of advice.  Some were used more frequently this year than others; some are simply re-worded classics that seem to always find a way to be applicable.

1. Advice is typically free for a reason.  Therefore, consider the source (and how informed your source is on the matter at hand) prior to application.

Like that?  How I did that there?  Yes, this is a worthwhile blurb, and yes, it is also a disclaimer, right there at the top of this post.  I do love the opportunity to multi-task!

2. It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.  This is on a sign at my daughter's preschool.  While I find myself struggling (maybe even clawing) for glory, kudos, and overall adulation from time to time, I know in my core that being known as important isn't actually what I am striving for.  In the end, I would rather be known as a nice person.

3. People would rather be around a happy host (or hostess as the case may be) than be in a spotless home.  A casual poll that I took taught me that if you are going to skip something, consider skipping sweeping up the floor since it will get dirty anyhow and people are rarely examining your floor when they visit.  This Thanksgiving and throughout the Christmas season, I've struggled to put the dustpan away and simply smile and enjoy the company of my guests, and I try to remind myself that no one wants to watch someone else clean.  Someday I may have a home that is spotless, but I'm not going to put time with friends and family on hold until that day.

5.  Relax!  It is not your job to judge others.  You may be a splendid judger, picker apart-er, passive down-looker, but guess what???  You're spending all of your time doing something you are COMPLETELY unqualified to do AND a negative task that no one wants you to do.    Scour the want ads, there is no one looking to fill this position.  It is hard (understatement) to keep from getting lured into judging how others do what they do, what they're wearing when they do it and how their kids behave.  However, once you back away from judging others, you can focus on what a terrific job you are doing on you, and let others live how they would like to live.

6. Be kind.  90% of the time it is the right decision. 

7.  Fly your Freak Flag (when you can).  We are all so unique.  Every person on this earth is an individual, and sometimes when you celebrate your individuality, you allow a space for others to feel comfortable to celebrate theirs.  DISCLAIMER:  Obviously, if you feel your individuality is celebrated best by nudity -for example- then don't celebrate it when you pick up your kids from school.  Also consider how your individuality works with your career, and maybe share your "special" in a place that seems the most appropriate.

8. If you're not having FUN, you're doing it wrong.
This has become my mantra.  I like to tell myself this when I'm in traffic, having a less than perfect day, or getting myself tangled up in things that really don't matter.  Life is short (though it can feel very long) and if you can keep your focus on enjoying what you're doing, or planning things that you will enjoy while you're doing something you really don't enjoy, then you'll probably get a lot more out of life than you would otherwise.

Happy Holidays!

Holiday Letter to Myself....

 

This year, before I begin to look like the crazed holiday mother and bitter Emily elf, 

I'm writing a list of reminders for myself during the holiday season....

During the holiday season, please try to do the following:

1. Enjoy time with your family.  This means not interrupting conversations to sweep up cheerios or fix a child's hair.  This means listening to the family members you love so much and what they have to say.  This means "taking it all in"and enjoying events while they are actually happening rather than after they have passed and you examine what could have been improved upon.

2. Try your best to not go crazy with gifts.
As a self proclaimed shopaholic and prideful consumer, this one is tough.  I love gifts.  I love giving gifts, and I really, truly love getting swept up in the whirlwind of Christmas spending.  Historically I have been the woman in the mall carrying 40 lbs of merchandise and shopping for more while wondering how I might fit all of my treasures in the car.  That's me.  And then, I am also the person who is overwhelmed by the suffocating volume of "stuff"and toys that my children have.  I have only two feet, however I have over 50 pairs of shoes.  Why?  This year, I need to reign it in to the best of my ability so that I can return to #1 on my list.  How can I enjoy time with my family and friends when I've filled up my day with purchasing goods that need to be wrapped, gifted, set up, thrown away and eventually disposed of? 

3. Remember how lucky you are and the wonderful things that have happened this year.
This one is pretty self explanatory, but since I'm not doing excessive shopping, I suppose I'll have to make up for that with excessive communication.  I have already fought off a case of the holiday blues, which I know comes to many out there. The holidays are a marker for me and they throw me into a kaleidoscope of old memories.  Some memories are joyful ones, however there are many that make me feel sad.  Looking back at holiday time through the parent in her mid-thirties lens, with the distance and delusion that time provides can allow me to be less objective and not as favorable when examining holidays of the past.  There is a time and place for re-examination, and I know that no matter how hard I fight it, I will feel a little sad around this time as I try to process how much has happened over the years.  My hope is that I'll be able to temper this grief with the reminder that this season is one of joy, that this year we can celebrate many wonderful victories, positive growth, and the wonderful events that the that the passage of time has also allowed us to enjoy.

4. Do what you can and save the rest for years to come.
The holidays present us with wonderful opportunities, but if every opportunity is not seized, the world will still turn and my children will not be permanently scarred.  If my autistic son can't tolerate the holiday brunch at the country club, that's OK.  If he can't handle going on a train to see Santa, that's OK too.  If we don't have the perfectly timed Christmas Eve celebration and one kid is in sweatpants while the other is wearing a flower girl dress rather than her "Christmas outfit".  That is OK too.  There will be other years.  The kids are getting older, and despite my wondering if it would ever occur, they are growing in their independence.  There will be years when they sit at the table, wear shoes, eat their meals and contribute to our conversations at holiday dinners.  So if I miss a holiday opportunity, or if one simply won't work for our family, it will be OK, we will try for it next year.

Cheers to you and your holiday season....I hope your days are filled with small moments of holiday magic and  that whatever you do you are surrounded by love.

Happy Holidays!
 

Laugh out loud

When life is getting you down , and you feel like you're being "punk'd", it is important to have access to a good laugh. It sounds insane, but sometimes, I feel like when there is nothing you can do about your circumstances, the effervescence of a good laugh can offer a temporary lifeline.  Laughter can allow you to bubble out some of  that negativity inside and get it outside.  It can reset you from one manner of thinking and offer you an opportunity to start over to try a brighter approach.  Laughter is not a cure-all, it isn't always appropriate, and sometimes, it is downright impossible.  However, when it is available (and appropriate) it can offer a little reprieve from whatever storm you're weathering. 

I found this picture online this weekend, and I keep remembering it throughout my days. I don't know why I think this is so funny, but this image for some reason caused me to laugh out loud multiple times and send it to a number of friends.  Is it because I'm imagining giraffes going to a bar and over indulging?  Is it because I've been party to a situation where this type of thing has happened and it was really funny?  Is it because it's a pretty ridiculous notion overlaid on a silly photo?  I don't know, but I can't help but laugh when I see it, and that is why I am saving this image, along with a number of funny memories in my go to "funny file".  Life is ridiculous and laughter is free, so why not keep a file of things that make you laugh?

The image is from www.lolsnaps.com which I had never seen before this weekend and don't know much about so please don't hold me to any direct association with what is on their website.  Hope you are able to find something that tickles your funny bone and makes you laugh out loud today and throughout the week. 

We're all in this together

My son started Kindergarten this month.  It wasn't the Kindergarten class I wanted him to be in, but it was the right class for him.  He's autistic, and could not be in the general education kindergarten class, so he is in the special day kindergarten class for kids with autism.  But this post isn't actually about autism.  It's about us.  By us, I mean all sentient beings here on the earth.  So if you're reading this, you're included in the "us". 

I know I've read this before, and seen it on tv shows.  It has been said in a variety of ways, well over 1,000 times, however, I feel it's important to repeat it:

 "We're all in this together"

I am going to try and remember that when I feel compelled to speak disparagingly about others, when I'm angered by people who aren't being sensitive to my needs and my situation, when I get cut off, rear-ended, or pushed in a line, but mostly, when I speak.  Sometimes I think about women, and how we have such incredible powers.  The ability to multi-task, to create children, to love and to calm.  But we also have the uncanny ability to undermine, compete, judge, compete, and disparage others.  It is so easy, and so enjoyable when you do it, but it is so counter to our goals in most situations.  Men, women, all of us are in this world together, and if we all started operating with that in mind, with a bit more grace and patience, how much better would things be?  I know we are all looking out for our needs and that getting our needs met is key to our survival.  I also recognize that we can't all be #1, we can't all get the slice of cake with the flower on it, and that I can't expect other moms who have never had a special needs child to not be freaked out when they see autism in action.  But I can remember that "we are all in this together" and another person's inability to understand my situation doesn't really matter.  That person may have a host of other things happening in their life that keep them from being more kind-hearted.  What does matter is how I behave and encourage and educate, because no matter what, we can't live in a bubble with our kids, and we all have to work together in some way to achieve the goals we set.

Convicted

At church yesterday morning, I got called out. No one around me realized it, but I was very, truly convicted. The message was surrounding the parable of "The Good Samaritan" if you haven't read it, check it out, it is a doozy (Luke, Ch. 10 verses 30-37).

I see homeless people and I do not help them. I see people in need, and I help when it is convenient or when the person in need looks the way I want them to.

I started working again (HOORAY!) and my work has pulled me out of the small, affluent bubble of Newport Beach and into the view of people in need of help. I am a highly sensitive person. Those of you who know me would likely agree that "highly sensitive" is a bit of an understatement. So, when I see people in need, or I pretend NOT to see them, I know I am doing wrong. I get so busy and wrapped up in my own life, my own struggles, sometimes I am so closed to those around me who need help. I know it is wrong, it hurts my heart even as I'm doing it, but in recent years, I've created a habit of doing it anyhow.

I am also a task master. I love to "do" and I like a challenge. So here are the questions I asked myself upon being completely convicted at church and motivated to "do" something about it.
1. How can I be prepared to help someone in need?
2. How can I do it in a way that will be effective?
3. How can I do it in a way that won't take me so far out of my comfort zone that am scared to do it when the time comes?

I know myself, and I am far more effective with attainable goals than shooting for the stars. There are safety issues, and I realize my limits. I'm not going to be able to do what the Good Samaritan did, but if I can do something small, and build that habit, that has to be better than nothing, right?

My answer to the challenge?

"The Emily Norton not-a-super but a here-you-go pac"
Inside a small ziploc baggie:
$5
a bottle of water
a granola bar

I figure the whole thing will cost me about $200 for a certain number of "pac"s that I can keep in my car for easy access. We'll see how well this works. After church, I went to get fuel for the car and I happened upon 2 homeless men outside of the gas station. One of the men had a cell phone, making me sincerely question what I was doing in offering him food, but I brushed my doubt (masking my desire to feel justified for not doing ANYTHING) and walked up to the men. I asked them if they wanted any food or money. They wanted money. So I gave them the $6 in my wallet. Life-changing ministry moment? No, but a definite start. My thought is that if I can bundle up money ($1 seemed too low and I can't depend on myself to carry cash) with food, then it could be a win-win. I'm not giving only money, but I'm also not giving only food (which I've found is typically rejected when offered on its own).

Doing something, for me, is truly energizing. I hope this works and I hope this inspires you to do something too. Whether it be helping someone you know or finding a way to "do" whatever it is that challenges you.

I just want to crawl into a hole....

em·bar·rass

verb (used with object) 1. to cause confusion and shame to; make uncomfortably self-conscious; disconcert;


Oh yes, it was all of those things. I don't typically do really embarrassing stuff, or, I should say, I don't typically get overly embarrassed - there is a chance others observe my behavior and feel I should be embarrassed, but I am not. But this week, this very week, I did something that was so so sooooooooo embarrassing. It got me thinking about all of the strategies I have implemented in the past to ease myself out of uncomfortable, embarrassing situations. Most of these techniques were used honed during my middle school and high school years, but I feel like they still apply today.

The first and most effective way to diffuse an embarrassing situation is to laugh at yourself. I know others think that you should simply "not be embarrassed" which works in some cases, but if you truly are red-in-the-face, I want to crawl in a hole embarrassed, I think this strategy is pretty pathetic. So, in cases of extreme embarrassment, I have found that saying to whomever is around;

"Oh, I am so embarrassed."

Is actually the most effective response. At least now you've said what is on your mind and hopefully caused your audience to have a kernel of sympathy for you.

You can always try the "laugh it off" strategy. This works in certain cases quite well, and can help to bring a little lightness to a situation. It can also help you to model the behavior you want from those around you. If you don't think the event was that big of a deal/ devastating/ humiliating / etc. it stands to reason that your audience will respond in kind.

And then, there is the "pretend it never happened" strategy. This strategy probably works best when your audience is a child under the age of 2 or a group of complete strangers you will likely never see again. However, when used in any other situations, this strategy will only keep others from talking about the event to you, it will probably not keep them from thinking about it every time they see you and wondering why you are unable to admit what happened. This may be a good short term strategy, or a good response to a minor event, but probably won't work in the long term, and could make the embarrassing happening more important than it needs to be.

Do you have any strategies for countering the desire to crawl into a hole? I hope you do, and I hope that you use them with grace. In the mean time, I'll try to get back to being a person who doesn't embarrass herself all the time!