Welcome!

I am not an expert, this advice is intended to be helpful and humorous, with flashes of wit. Please know this is a futile attempt at getting the world to do things the way I see fit.

If you need advice on any topic, I'm happy to help you by either giving my own recommendations, or seeking out recommendations from others, then claiming them as my own. If you have no sense of humor, please do not read this blog.

How it works...please post a question in the comments section of the blog (or send me an email if you'd like more anonymity). I'll post it with my advice. Take the advice, leave the advice, but don't let me tell you
"I told you so!"

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

What have you been up to?? The Glenwood Academy Update


our star (and only) pupil deep in thought.


We started “Glenwood Academy” on St. Patrick’s day.  It was completely coincidental, and had nothing to do with the luck of the Irish or our hoping for a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  It had to do with the timing of all of the things that were keeping us from starting giving way and allowing us to begin. 

There were things in our way that needed to be chipped away at with a kind voice and charm; and things in our way  that needed to be withstood, and pushed up against with a behemoth force I learned I possessed but sincerely doubted was working until they miraculously gave way. 

We hired an expert in September of 2014; we delayed our anniversary trip to meet with her.  Once we had our initial meeting, we hired the very talented (and very over-booked) neuropsychologist who read through the 4 years of reports we had on our 7 year old son, diagnosed at age 3.  She let us know that she thought she could help us help our son and that she was enraged at the mistreatment, unfairness, and terrible mistakes he had suffered thus far.  We sighed.  We didn’t have the ability to discuss, fully recognize or even take the breath to repeat the crummy outcomes that had led us to where we were.  We simply didn’t have the time or energy to go through ALL of that AND move forward with what could help our kid.  Still, she continued to rail on about just how furious she was with the school district and how many things they had missed in the reports she had reviewed.  We politely responded letting her know that while we recognized she was right, our primary focus was on what we could do to help our son NOW.  We’re fighters.  But we try to save our energies for the fights we think we can win (or at least land some good punches).  Whether it be fighting to get our son to do the things we want him to do (potty train, take a bite of a carrot) or fighting the insurance company, the school district, or even just the polite, strained fight of ignorance about Autism.

We got our report from the neuropsychologist in January.  That’s right, in the next CALENDAR YEAR.  Our pace was nowhere near my type-A, get-it-done, super hyped on coffee norm, but that is when it finally came.  The Neuropsychologist observed Blake at school on a few occasions.  This was, unfortunately, no small feat.  The school district has a history of giving the run around to outsiders, and the ability to communicate between the doctor’s office and the school was laughable.  A carrier pigeon on Xanax would have been more effective.  Luckily, I had anticipated this and had already kicked off the school year in turbo suck up mode.  I was the room mom.  I was a co-chair for the PTA art contest that the principal really wanted to have run, that no other parent wanted to help with.  No, my son is not a savant artist.  No, there weren’t any submissions from his special day class.  This was pretty legitimate selfless (ish) volunteering as it had no direct benefit to my son or anyone in the special needs program.  It did however make me look like a very charitable person and ingratiate me to the principal.  I had also signed up and run for the School Site Council, a parent/administration council that met a few times a year to discuss the wellbeing of the school.  I was picking up jobs no one wanted  all over the place and it was only the 4th week of school.  All of the ladies in the office knew my name and I think that helps when you’ve got a kiddo who is harder for others to understand.  Lesson #4,356 : Sucking up usually helps.  

After fighting to get the school observation done, haggling with our in-home behavioral therapy company to get the in-home therapy observations done, and haggling with the neuropsychologist to get our report completed, we finally had our results.  According to this expert, our son was not mentally disabled as the school district tried (but failed) to convince me, but in fact he had an IQ in the normal range.  If he were to continue with the school district, it was the opinion of the expert that he would likely continue to regress in the school environment.    As a parent, and advocate for your child who can’t advocate effectively for himself, you’re relieved to hear IQ results that match your own suspicions, inklings, or even pipe dreams.  And then in a millisecond - you’re absolutely terrified and wrapped in paralysis of what to do next.  I had shopped all of the Autism schools in our area, none would be a fit for our son.  We needed a school that doesn’t exist. 

What do you do when what you need doesn’t exist?  You create it.  The final recommendation of the neuropsychologist was that we create what we needed by homeschooling Blake with the help of ABA therapists, an educational therapist, and a speech therapist.  She recommended the three trade partners she felt would be best, and I started working to get all of the paperwork completed to get them started.   The ABA provider she recommended would probably have been fine, but our son was already making progress with his in-home therapy team.  I reached out to the owner, and they were game to try and help create our new school.  I fought our health insurance company for 2 months to get approval for the ABA hours we would need.  The blue shield hold music will be forever etched in my mind, but the huge answer to prayer of actually getting the hours approved felt like an INCREDIBLE victory.   It went from seeming like there was no chance at all to actually happening.  So similar to this autism world; it was not gradual, it was not linear, and dealing with the insurance company felt like I was living in the novel “Catch-22”. 

After 60 days and endless frustrating hours of hold music, dropped calls and obscure responses misdirecting me throughout the insurance chain, we were miraculously approved for 40 hours of ABA per week.  MIRACLE.   That was the hold up.  Once we had those hours, we could get started. 
I after individually meeting with the team and coaxing them into starting on this exciting (and crazy) journey, I started to work to schedule a meeting with our new team.  The educational therapist had been meeting with our son and me during the time I was fighting to get the insurance coverage.  She was ready to get started.  The speech pathologist was ready, and with the insurance approval, the ABA company was finally ready to move forward.  I scheduled a meeting with the team: ABA supervisors (2), educational therapist (1), speech pathologist (1), ABA company owner (1), ABA therapists (2) and one crazy mom (1).  I had a lunch provided, I had an agenda, and I gently kept people from talking too much and taking up too much time.  We started school 3 days later.   I went to target, I went to Lakeshore, and we built a desk and chairs from Ikea.  We were as prepared as a team of people who had never started a school could be. 

The ABA supervisors and the educational therapist met for hours over the weekend prior to our first day of school to figure out the details of the lesson plan and materials.  It was a mess, but it was ours.  Next, I withdrew my son from the public school and registered our private home school online.  When filling out the paperwork, it was humorous to acknowledge that I was the Administrator, Principal, Secretary and Administrative contact.  There were no other names.  The responsibility of Glenwood Academy rested with me. 

In order to teach a student who doesn’t know how to learn how to learn, we started with the basics and went from there.  We adapted our internal communication and tracking multiple times.  Ultimately, we landed on dividing the therapy hours up into 15 minute increments, assigning subjects to the time period with majority of the time being split between Math and English.  I divided each subject and corresponding materials into bins to ensure we kept track of all of the learning tools.  And to keep them from being strewn around the house by a well-meaning sister, dad, cousin, or babysitter.  Each subject bin had a binder with the lesson plan for the week and data sheets for the therapists.  We found a way to write out the lesson plans in a goal format that could be understood by the therapists, maintained the integrity of the goal, and allowed the therapists to take data on the outcomes.  We added, subtracted, and ultimately simplified the lesson plan to the level our all-star student could tolerate.  And we met.  We tinkered, we emailed, we took notes, and adapted as we needed to. The supervisors, the educational therapist, and I started out meeting bi-weekly to start to review what was happening and ensure that what we had written on the plan was actually happening during the day.  At these early meetings, we were still evolving our lesson plan format, and what we were trying to teach.  We had to spend some time figuring out what Blake knew and what methods he could learn from.  We also had to spend some time building report and getting Blake motivated to learn. 

Once we started closing in on the format for our lesson plan and we started to produce consistent data, we were able to review the data and it revealed what we had suspected.  Somehow, in all of this mess, with this herculean amount of thought, time, worry, and work, we were actually making progress.  Progress that we could actually prove.   Once we refined this part of the schooling, I realized, we really needed to meet with the actual therapists and all agree on how the goals were being presented.  For a kid who has hard time learning and understanding things, it’s imperative that each trial be similar.  The data the therapists took showed us where there were inconsistencies in the outcomes of trials and we needed to agree on our “how” for each goal.  The meetings with the therapy team worked.  The therapy team seemed more at ease; happier to be sure that everyone was presenting the same information the same way, eliminating confusion among therapists and for our prized pupil. There have been plenty of opportunities for frustration.  Especially for a type-a, wannabe perfectionist parent.   For a few weeks, my slogan for our school was:

 “Glenwood Academy, we don’t do ANYTHING the easy way!”


But I had to keep reminding myself that we were making progress.  We were already further along than I had expected.  I had to focus on the success and the progress we were making, not on the fact that therapists weren’t doing something because they didn’t know how to do it and didn’t take the time to ask about it.  During the meeting with the therapists, I brought up the fact that Blake historically had responded well to video modeling.  In light of the issue we were having keeping trials consistent; we realized video modeling could be beneficial not only to Blake, but also to the therapy team.   The next week, we started taking video of different goals and sharing them among the team.  The video became extremely helpful to the therapists and supervisors, our supervisors were able to show side by side videos of our star pupil, and the progress he had made was astounding.  We now had another way to show even more undeniably how much progress we were making!  I shared the video with family and was able to actually show what in the world I had been doing.  It was a special watershed moment.  There were tears among many of us, seeing this boy who had struggled for years to speak to us - working successfully on academic goals.  Then we realized this was a violation of some law somewhere so we had to take the video down.  Because really, why would anything be easy??  Now, we are working on a way to share the videos without breaking any laws, but are still on a high from getting to watch Blake be successful.

The speech therapist that started out with the program wasn’t a fit.  She was incredibly talented, but was looking to work on things with Blake he wasn’t ready to work on and he didn’t like going to her office.  After the 2nd time he scratched (and drew blood) the therapist while we were there, I decided I had to put a hold on speech.  It wasn’t a fit for him, and if we created a school for him, why wouldn’t we fill the day with people he could work with? 

We also have outings.  We’ve gone to local places; we’ve done field trips at a business, and even tried to incorporate OT, science and cousins during this time.  It’s a moving target, but that is fine when you’ve created your own school.  And booking an outing for one pupil doesn’t require a lot of leg work.  When we go on outings, I take pictures on my iPhone and upload them to my computer to create a book that I print out and staple together.  This way, our one student can have continued exposure to an event to (hopefully) better understand it, and the language used to describe it.  We tried science experiments in the beginning, but we’re not ready for them.  They are still a bit obscure, and Blake doesn’t understand what it is we want him to “do”. 

A lot of this home school is looking at what you want to teach.  Looking at it from the end result, from the top, from the bottom, looking at it backwards, and in any direction that will point you to coming up with a way to teach it that your child will engage with.  We use educational supply stores, Lakeshore, Amazon, CM Educational Supply and anywhere else to find tools that we need to help us help him learn. 

I hired an Occupational Therapist to come and observe bi-weekly for an hour and he gave us the idea of using Crayola Color Wonder® paper and pens with WikiStiks® to work on handwriting with Blake.   He wasn’t pressing down hard enough to show a mark on the paper.  Stroke of genius--- pause for clever giggle here.  Blake now is writing with more ease and is working on his 3rd letter and 2nd number.  Before we left the public school system, during his progress report, his Occupational Therapist told me not to worry that he was showing no progress  on his handwriting goal because many students now can just type a letter x as their signature for later in life.  A professional told me 6 months ago essentially; “Don’t worry mom, your kid may never write, but he’ll be okay.”

I’ve purchased a ton of expensive things that we haven’t used.  I’ve created letter cards on my computer, and use a lot of Velcro.  In today’s world with a printer and a computer, you can pretty much create whatever tool you want to have for your kid, but it doesn’t hurt to have a laminator or an ABA supervisor who will help you create what you need.  This school isn’t perfect.  But it is working, and truly, that has been the most magnificent blessing we could have asked for.  My greatest fear when we started this was:  But what if we do all of this, and it STILL doesn’t work?  At least, our son has been happier and able to learn during this time. 

It’s a lot of work (and I’m not even doing the teaching).  I make food for the therapists, and offer them coffee and water.  I want them to feel comfortable in our home, and I really want them to love their job.  We have already had our first therapist quit, which was disappointing, but something we have to constantly be ready for.  I try to treat everyone on the team with respect, and appreciate that they are all working harder than usual to help our son.  So that is what we’ve been up to.  This is a brief (for me) wrap up of what we’ve done so far. I could go on for hours about the specifics, or the concerns or the solutions we’ve encountered.  About the benefits of being so intimately associated with our son’s school goals that I am able to constantly find opportunities in our day to day setting to continue the learning. The challenge of not having enough social opportunities, or art or music, or the thousands of other concerns about what Glenwood Academy isn’t.

I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone whose kiddo is doing well in school. I walk by our public school and feel jealous that our son can’t learn there.  But at least I know we are doing the very best we can for him, and that he is making progress.  I don’t know what lies ahead for us.  My dream is that someday he is able to live on his own, have a friend and a job and a happy heart.  But if doing all of this doesn’t change his outcome or his path, at least I can take solace in the fact that we tried our absolute best. 

As a list maker, this epic post truly wouldn’t be complete without the following.  Below, please find my list of ideas, tricks, or random things we’ve done that have worked for us. 
·     
    OT
o   String a ribbon through a whiffle ball and hang it up, give your kid a racquet (the bigger the better) and have him practice hitting the ball.
o   Bouncing:  Get a peanut ball, a Swedish ball, and a trampoline.  Bouncing input has been very effective for our guy to calm down.
o   When it’s hot outside, spray down your trampoline to cut out static.
o   Jump from dot to dot (or chalk square to chalk square)
·         Writing
o   Crayola®ColorWonder paper and markers
o   Whiteboard/Chalkboard easel
o   Put paper on a 3 ring binder to create your own slant board
·         Routine/ Random
o   Try to go for a walk around the block in the morning before the day starts
o   Get a copy of the music played at school (if there is any) and play it in the car on the way to school.  If no music played, ask the teacher for the songs and sing them.
o   Talk through simple steps of morning routine in clear, succinct phrases.  Sometimes being quiet (not always my specialty) allows your kiddo time to process what you’re saying.
o   Try to do the same thing every morning in the same order
o   School / therapy materials should be organized and labeled.  They should be put away when school or therapy is complete. 
o   Take pictures of the routines you’re trying to teach, print them out in a word document with simple phrases, and create a book to read together.


Here is a sample of Blake's number writing last week:


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

How to be nice



So I have found myself circling around, dragged into, and kicking the tires on this topic for a long time.  We have a lot of useless information out there, and that is both compelling me to write this and my justifying my desire to putting the totally obvious out there.

Here is a "How-to" on being kind.  Emily-style. 


1.  Listen.

2. Be considerate.

3. Act with love.



I am constantly reminding myself of these supremely simple and basic instructions.  This list could be longer.  There could be elaborate passages, examples, or even a long long list of instructions that start with the word "Don't".  But most of the instructions would fall under one of the three above.

In your world today, there will be plenty of opportunities to be not-nice.  Nice actions can lead a person to be unappreciated or railroaded.  There is a danger to being nice.  It's harder to be nice.  I watch my 6 year old, with ideas bursting out of her brain, and recognize that feeling in myself.  "It's hard to listen when I have so much to SAY!!"  Times when I want to run a constant babble dialogue of every thought or thought-whisper in my head.  But, when you can slow those firecracker moments of IMPORTANT things to say down, and listen to another person so that they actually feel heard, you can start to walk down a connected, rewarding path.  You will save yourself some time and confusion.  And, you may also be helped by helping that person.

But I digress.  There is a lot out there.  Tweets linked to vines linked to insta-awesome-moments linked to MLB feed linked to pin pin pinnering joy.  But if you take a moment, look up from your own awesome tornado and are nice to another person, you might find life is a bit better.  Or you can at least feel some pride, some smug, some peace in a life that is fiber-optically darting.

I double dog dare you.

Image source:   (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT-6a4enMRk1ElYRFEPecIHaDZ1xz412-YWOHP0ue-buWedJzzncm3UjkzdBL4MrmfuS05dYyCP2XA7Gj6zusGbJDcEEzhUbiA22oHTrUYpjUueE89HjCNzLXDJRkG5lZGkyYJvykHcumZ/s320/Screen+shot+2011-02-28+at+12.12.52.png)


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Learning to Surf




Last year, my dad was lamenting that he was jealous of my husband’s ability to surf.  Being the handy helper that I am, I told my dad I’d take surfing lessons with him, and we could both learn how to ride the waves.  I assumed, incorrectly, that surfing would be like most sports.  You learn the mechanics, practice them, and within a short period of time, you’re able to “do” whatever is needed to participate (or, possibly be exceptionally good at the “do” and brag to your husband that he is incredibly lucky to have such a talented wife).  

REALITY is often times a universe away from my imaginings.

I assumed I would be “good” at surfing.  And yeah, I assumed my dad at age 60 plus plus, who was a professional athlete (football), played two college sports (football and rugby), still plays polo (horses not water), and who throughout my life always seems to have the golden touch in all things athletic would be a natural as well at this easy breezy surfing thing.

WRONG.

Surfing is hard.  Or, it was hard for us (perhaps there are natural surf wunderkind out there – congratulations to you - I am jealous).  We paddled out into the frigid water, I balanced my belly on my board with my toes in the air to slow the numbing process - did I mention I scheduled these lessons in February???  

 Overall execution – check.  
 Details –eeeehh scoring in the low range.   

 And we floated, we listened, we tried, and flailed around.  Our instructor was the epitome of patient with us, and we worked hard, but we didn’t leave the beach as experts.  We left as popsicle versions of ourselves, wondering if we could manage the next two days of lessons I had dutifully scheduled. 

Day two, my dad quit early in.  He was beyond his breaking point of frustration and decided he wanted to go back to doing something he enjoyed (and was good at).  During day two; I was able to improve and was still cold, but became surprisingly motivated to keep trying.  I realized, that yes, surfing IS hard, but it is also incredible.  You’re literally surrounded by the earth’s beauty, and all five of your senses are stimulated by the surroundings.  Once the lessons were over, a new friend and I started to go out and flail around pretty regularly.  We weren’t setting any records, but we were laughing a lot and enjoying the scenery.  It’s been a year and a half and I’ve taken 2 additional sets of lessons.  Each time I’ve taken lessons, it is helpful, but I still have a long, long, looooooong way to go before I can claim to be knowledgeable when it comes to surfing.  

 Because surfing is hard, it offers you the opportunity to feel continuously humbled (when a 12 year old is ripping past you wiggling his toes on the nose) and prideful (when you are able to improve to some small degree at something that you’ve been working towards).  It also forces you to not take yourself so seriously.  There are tons of cheesy metaphors I could throw in here, about surfing giving you a connection to mother earth, or that surfing the waves is like riding the changing tides of life.  Though both statements are true, I think everyone who does try to learn to surf, does it for their own reasons, and that those reasons likely evolve over time.   

I started out wanting to have an excuse to use all of the surf equipment in our garage and thought it would be a cool way to get into shape.  Now, I think it gives me time to laugh with a friend, and reminds me to enjoy the ocean.   

So if you want to learn how to surf, find a friend, take some lessons, keep your sense of humor close and your expectations in the car.  Enjoy the flail.  After each time, your ego may be bruised, but your spirit might be leavened by the salty sea and the scenery around you. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What NOT to do when you're headed to Lake Powell

We are back.  We have actually been back from our Lake Powell house boating adventure for a while, but things seem to have quieted down enough to dash off this blog post that will no doubt change your entire......next five minutes :).  I hope you laugh (or at least consider it) and feel more prepared at the end.

Our family and 3 other families made the trek to Lake Powell (on the Arizona/ Utah border) for our first annual "Trip of a Lifetime" house boating adventure.  Among us, I think there were 2 adult house boating novices.  The balance of the adult population had varying levels of experience.  On my last house boating adventure I accidentally roofied myself by drinking liquid from a water bottle that was not in fact water.  The memories were fun, but are not filed in the kid-friendly drawer.  4 of the adults had a tremendous amount of house boating experience, as kids, as college aged hooligans, and as adults.  But the group itself had never all traveled together.  The outcome was pretty incredible considering there was a large chance we could have ended up making Anasazi voodoo dolls of one another by the end.

But who has the time to hear about every detail?  There is a reason you don't live in my brain. It's cluttered, fast paced, and achingly detail-oriented (I could probably stretch a 30 second anecdote into a novel) but I digress.....

Here are the top 3 things you should NOT do in preparation for and during your Lake Powell house boating trip:


1.  Pack a lot of clothes.
Yes, I realize if you have followed this blog, that I JUST SAID last time I wasn't going to do this, but guess what???  I totally did it anyhow.  I brought a weekender bag and a beach bag filled with at least 50 items I did not need.  Including:
  • 2 sweatshirts - HA HA HA- it was 90 degrees at night.  Unless you are looking to dehydrate yourself to beef jerky level, leave these at home.  I know, everyone says that, but seriously, don't bring them.
  • Workout Clothes.  If you are going to hike (which I would have done if I had planned to go beyond beef jerky to crystallized salt in that heat) you'll likely be doing it in your swimsuit.  I know, I know, we all said it before too "I am JUST not the type to walk around in my swimsuit, that is so so sooooo not me."  Well guess what?  You will.  You totally will.  Because you'll be out in the desert and with your family and friends and you really won't care.  Because you'll be empowered by the fact that it IS HOT and if one of the other husbands is checking you out, that is just plain weird.
  • More than 2 outfits for a 5 day trip.  You will wear your swimsuit all day (and will probably go jump in the lake at night right before bed to cool down).  You will not be wearing clothes often.  Lake Powell apparently is the clothing vortex
2. Bring a ton of food.
Again, I am a total hypocrite.  My obsession with being prepared added on approximately 17 hours to my trip in the time it took to shop for the additional unnecessary food, pack it up, unpack it on the boat, and pack it back home.  My husband really is just the LUCKIEST :)!  Ooopsie, didn't realize my family wasn't going to turn into snack monsters on vacation.  It's hot.  You're force feeding your kids water and things that are hydrating, not salty pretzels.  They also aren't hungry because they are kind of dehydrated.

3. Have a bad attitude.
This one was hard for me, I really struggled on this vacation at the beginning.  It is totally out of my comfort zone, and wasn't under my control (compounding the anxiety / comfort-zone cycle) and it wasn't an easy start for our Autistic son.  I thought I was gracefully suffering in silence until my husband delicately alerted me to the fact that I definitely was not.  The vacation was an adventure and we truly were away from it all (meaning there was no way we were going back to the creature comforts and familiarity I was missing).  So there was nothing left to do but relax, try to go with the flow, and have fun where and when you can. 

Next time I will be better.  I learned a lot on this trip.  Not only about silly details of how to pack, but more about how to be a better mom on vacation.  And I had a chance to realize that my kids may not always need the mom that is prepared and providing for their every need at every moment - they may need a mom who can have fun and just be with them.  Without a sweatshirt and an agenda.
Success after 3 days- our son in the water and seeming to have fun


Friday, June 20, 2014

Make ROOM






Today is the last day of school for most kids in our area.  We are at the summer starting line, waiting for the signal to hurry up and relax.  My brain is on a constant loop of " School's Out for Summer", "Summer Lovin''" and another song that I've been sinking into lately; " A Life That's Good" by Lennon and Maisy from the cast of the show "Nashville".

A few weeks ago at our church, the pastor was discussing social media and the reality that much of life is spent on our phones.  What resonated the most with me, was the concept of allowing for margin in our crazed, busy, instant download lives. 

MARGIN: a limit in condition, capacity, etc., beyond or below which something ceases to exist, be desirable, or be possible (www.dictionary.com)

When I pack, I see just how much I can fit into whatever carrier I have.  I carry large bags around and always find a way to fill them.  As a child, I was pretty committed to wearing a purse, in the event that something might occur and I might have the occasion to use whatever mish-mash of goodies I had toted along with me (thus affirming my insistence on carrying a purse).  When I create documents, I use the custom margin to fit as much on the page as I can. 

I like to be prepared.  I get more disappointed about finding myself in a situation without the hat/accessory/blouse/note/band-aid/etc. that might have come in handy than I do about things of FAR greater importance.   But this preparedness obsession in combination with my over-planning and over-packing tendencies are not leading away from having any margin.

Example:  
1. You spend a ton of time preparing (packing, pinterest-ing, planning).  Then you arrive at said moment where previous actions are useful.  
2. Before moment is over and often throughout the moment, you think of other things you might have done to be more prepared, and/or begin re-arranging or re-packing all of the "necessities" you brought. 
3. Conclusion:  You have spent more time preparing than living and enjoying.  Oops.

So this summer season, I am going to try and leave room.  For margin.  It will be difficult to be at peace with no plans.  I'll have more opportunities to let go of the fact that I don't have a kite or the perfect beach towel or the shimmery sunblock or that one beach toy that the kids love.  But my hope is that in the margin, blessed surprises fill in the spaces.  Moments of clarity, impromptu swim time with the kids, or a conversation with my child or a friend or my spouse.  Who knows?  I'm going to try it and hope you will too.

Here is the Lennon and Maisy song....hope it sets you off on a day that's good!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3wF_N2WdP4

Friday, June 13, 2014

I am Changing

Cue the following song as I talk about it...

It was my birthday last week, and I had the random opportunity to come across the following TED talk.  

Essentially, the speaker Dan Gilbert shares that:
 
"Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished." Dan Gilbert shares recent research on a phenomenon he calls the "end of history illusion," where we somehow imagine that the person we are right now is the person we'll be for the rest of time."(Source: www.ted.com)

This truth is one that I find to be incredibly enlightening and fantastically well timed.  After the ten year anniversary of my 25th birthday, I absolutely know a mountain's worth more.  However, what I wasn't considering is the reality that what I thought was important, that who I perceived myself to be and what my preferences were ten years ago would change as much as they have.

I love Dr. Gilbert's use of the "end of history illusion" the idea that who we are today is who we always will be.  In reaching my mid thirties, I accept that I have changed, my life has changed and that my preferences have changed, but in seeing this talk, I am reminded that I must also acknowledge that this will continue to happen, throughout time, until I die.

Here is a quick for instance:  On vacation last week, I was thinking about what I might like to do on my 40th birthday (have I mentioned that I suffer from chronic over-planning syndrome?  It is a syndrome that is synonymous with crazy and controlling).  I started to daydream about destinations for the celebraiton, who would be there, and of course, what I might be wearing. I began a mental pencil sketch of possible themed activities for the bash.  Then, in  a moment of clarity, I realized that where and how I celebrated my 35th birthday would have been pretty un-imaginable for me as my 30 year old self.  5 years ago I had no interest in surfing, and what I liked to do to celebrate was similar, but different than it is now.  

As scary as it is to beleive that we are always changing, I think it is scarier to beleive that we are not.  And today, I take comfort in the thought that what I will want to do, what my interests are, the things I know how to do will have grown and changed into something different then what they are today.  I used to tell people:

"I am not where I thought I would be but I think I'm where I am supposed to be" 

when describing my life.  And as I said it, I'd say it with a big smile covering up an obvious presence of disappointment.  And now, I think I'm beginning to understand:  

" I'm here!  And I don't know where I might be going - but I'm going to love it when I get there."

So hooray for change.  Hooray for Jennifer Hudson.  And Hooray for fun Ted talks.