The day started in tears.
The hollow hurt was there first thing. My heart heavy.
I’m too old for this! This is so embarrassing
that I’m so upset, and a litany of other thoughts flew into my mind. I flashed to the moment yesterday where I saw
a long line of ladies parade into the bar, coming from an event I was not
invited to. Watching them finishing up a
celebration with a few glasses of vino before heading home. And the hard reality of realizing you were not
the list, and you probably haven’t been on the list for a while.
It’s not the first time.
It cuts deeper this time as there were quite a few faces you thought
were closer to. And then, you realize,
they are showing you the truth that you were ignoring. You’re not friends. You’re associates. Or people who know each other. Neighbors.
That chapter has been over on their side for a while, and now, it is over
on yours.
The time and energy spent to make the relationship, keep it
going, feed it with attention, texts, dinner parties, birthday parties,
showers, cards, thoughtful connections, trips.
That was all a waste of your time.
You kind of knew it when it was happening. You knew you were giving more, that it was
uneven, but you rationalized: “I have capacity” “This is who I am” “ I can give, so I do” and then when the tables are turned, there is
no seat for you there. You’re not on the
list.
Not everyone can be invited to everything. I have been on the other side of this coin as well.
It’s fine
I hope they had fun
But the truth that you can learn now or later is that you’re
not on their list. They were on
yours. And so the list must be edited on
your end too.
