How small?

How big is your fear and how small can you make yourself??  I like to practice yoga, I’m pretty flexible and I’m not terribly tall, so when I want to, I can make myself pretty small.  I’m a pretty great hider at hide and seek and can fit into the child’s motorized Barbie car – par example….

But when do you make yourself small?  For me, it’s when I’m weak. 

When I’m embarrassed, I can sometimes make the wrong decision and drape myself in toxic ego dusted with spiky sarcasm. 

When I’m scared, I tend to go towards bravado, and a white knuckled, gladiator, bull-dog stance to show you that you can’t hurt MEEEEEEE (even though it is absolutely clear to all, that yes, you sure can and you already have).   But when I’m weak, when I’m tired, when I lose faith -  lose confidence in who am I am and what in the world I’m doing here -  that is when I feel invisible, and very very small.  I feel like I can be unseen.  I can fly under the radar of glances, give only 10% and just blend, blend, blend until I become the gray and fall into the middle distance and then try to fade into nothing.

I think it’s interesting to explore how we make ourselves small, and why.  Because though in the moment, your feeling is of less than zero, of minimizing your wonderful self.  Of dimming the brilliant light you have inside you, for whatever reason.  You know it isn’t what you were designed for.  That making yourself small keeps love out and your gifts held in. Could recognizing how we make ourselves small teach us a bit of how we make ourselves whole?  How we rebound into the brilliance that each one of us has in us?  The sparkly self?   I would like to think so.