Why keep runninig?

I read somewhere that when you are exercising, and your mind is telling you that you are tired, or that you can't go any further, if you are able to continue through that point, you will burn the most calories and achieve the best results. That once you push through the desire to stop working, you will realize you can continue much further than you thought you could. The idea that continuing to try when you feel like you want to quit the most seems so counter-intuitive to me. In the rare times I've attempted to go for a run, I have always thought; "Well, my body is telling me that it is tired, so I had better listen to it and start walking or turn back home."

Apparently, this strategy will not get you or your body to become stronger. According to science, when you push through your internal desires to give up, you are able to become stronger and achieve greater physical feats.

I wonder if the same is true when it comes to non-physical challenges. In looking back over the past year, I am wondering if through trials where I wanted to give up but wasn't able to, if those experiences have caused me to grow and now perform at a higher level. I was talking with a friend the other day who told me; " I just never thought becoming a parent would change my life so drastically." And as I'm growing up, I'm realizing that the decisions we make are getting bigger, and often times they lead us to places where we are continually challenged, where we want to give up, but where we are hopefully developing and improving because we choose to push through the discomfort. We continue to keep working, talking, trying, even though we really don't want to, and even though quitting seems like it would be a lot easier.

I hope I'm on to something and that the challenges that are put before us, the ones that seem too hard, undeserved, and just plain gnarly, are all part of bringing us to a higher level of ourselves. Even if they're not, I'm a bit of a believer in using delusion to motivate you to achieve a goal. Even if the reward you imagine isn't the one you receive, at least you will have reached your goal!

The 30 day wait

This Sunday, my husband and I had the opportunity to have dinner with two couples, one couple was in town for a visit, so we were all able to find a time to break bread together. One of the wives was sharing her strategy for big life decisions, which I thought was pretty great.

Whenever thinking about getting something big that you think you REALLY want, you need to want it for 30 days straight.

Obviously, this strategy doesn't apply to buying a frozen yogurt, but it could be a good one to use when considering whether or not you should open a frozen yogurt shop. This idea of "wanting" for a sustained period of time, would also play into the idea that what you think about manifests itself, so you could be helping yourself towards your goal just by thinking about it for 30 days before actually going for it.

Here are a few other situations where the 30 day wait might be usefully employed:

*Getting a pet
*Changing jobs
*Buying a house
*Having plastic surgery
*Getting a tattoo
*Having sex with a new partner
*Moving
*Going back to school
*Quitting school
*Starting smoking
*Purchasing anything that you will have to save for or pay off later
*Having a baby

I realize that in certain of the situations listed above, thinking about wanting something may simply make you want it more, but I dare you to "want" whatever your something is with as much of a realistic, whole, picture as possible. For example; buying a new car would be wonderful, but consider the financial sacrifices you'll have to make to pay for it.

We are all able to access things at a tremendous pace. I can order a movie from home, shop online, get my dry cleaning picked up and delivered within a miraculously short window. I can download pictures, music, send a text to make a plan - almost instantly. But when making decisions that will cause a more lasting affect on your life, maybe trying out the 30 day wait could be a good idea. If nothing else, it will allow you to invest a little more in your decision, hopefully making you feel better about it in the long run.

Job Hunt

I have recently updated my resume and have been searching for work. The job market is definitely a tough one, and things are very different than they were when I was last employed. For example, the job I used to have has become somewhat obsolete, and though my skills are still certainly valuable, convincing a future employer that I am EXACTLY what they are looking for has proven to be a bit tough.

So I started thinking, what if I were to list all of the skills I have learned over the past few years of being a stay-at-home mom? What would that look like??

• Ability to set up and take apart advanced toy models including exersaucer, jumperoo, and various battery operated toys.
• Advanced level of comprehending non-verbal, screaming children, delivering sandwich, while driving, applying mascara and singing various children's songs.
• Creative ability to turn any daunting tasks into a song. Popular songs include: "Eat your peas" and "Potty Time".
  
• Strong interpersonal skills with terrorist toddlers in home and throughout the community. Ability to negotiate deal terms and avoid crisis on a 24 hour schedule.
• Extremely functional without sleep, food, or any personal maintenance. Ability to dress children, self, husband, and make 3 course meal for unexpected visitors under aforementioned conditions.
• Loving, upbeat attitude in the face of crisis, tremendous sales skills and creativity.
• Experience in advanced, multi-level operations. Able to balance the schedule of naps, meals, school, exercise, play dates, sports, therapies, holidays, and family time.
• Part time chef experience, working to create healthful meals with restrictive ingredients and unwilling participants.
• Advanced skill level in the following areas: sleeping strategies, containment of illness, potty training strategies, Applied Behavioral Analysis.
• Expert level room mom.
• Ability to carry infant car seat, infant, full load of groceries, diaper bag, purse, stroller and conduct a somewhat lucid conversation on a mobile phone.
  
• Extensive studies conducted on: local preschools, therapy clinics, autism resources, baby strollers, bottle types, pacifiers, kid-friendly restaurants, after-school programs, toddler clothing, and baby blankets.
• Advanced mastery of train sets, hot wheels, Disney princesses, puppet shows, and dance parties.

What would your personal life resume look like? While I don't think listing my extensive knowledge of "Thomas the Tank Engine" will ever help me to obtain a great job, I can't help but think my sales skills have certainly been sharpened by spending time with my kids. And if you ever need a toy set up in record time, well, you know who to call.......

Things I don't post on facebook...

A discussion on “authenticity” in the age of social networking.

Yes, I am doing this on my blog….IRONY!!

So I woke up Sunday morning, padded softly into my son’s room, and smelled the pungent stench of poop. The room was covered in poop, and so was my son. His beloved blankey, was not innocent in the hailstorm of excrement either. My first thought?

“I should seriously post this on facebook”.

I post adorable pictures of my two little angels. I don’t typically rant, or share thoughts or comment on the weather / traffic / state of political affairs / or much else. Nope, I save that for my blog, or a phone conversation with a friend. On facebook, as on my annual Christmas card, my life is full of love and adorable, even “SO cute” moments. It is not covered in poop. No, my REAL life, my authentic life is quite often covered in poop, milk, cereal, scratches and bacon grease. In this age of authenticity, transparency, are we all just becoming less real? If we pour our time, energy, mantras, thoughts all into these image producing, social sharing outlets, how does that affect who we truly are and how our lives really work?

I am all for privacy. I grew up in an arguably very WASP-y environment, my mother was all about image, and what people thought of us. She was an interior decorator, and constantly struggled to keep our home at a “model home” level of perfection. She was pleased when we emulated that level of order and type, and furious when we were too authentic. I struggle with this all the time. Deep down, I still strive to be perfect, and authentic. To create order, and peace, harmony, love, style, originality, humor, and a great canapé. But where is the line? I don’t think it’s possible to achieve all of the listed goals at once, if at all (note: my canapés are constantly soggy – boo freakin’ hoo). And is all of it really important anyhow? I don’t know, but I do think, every once in a while you have to share the moments that are real, so that when they happen to someone else, that person a: doesn’t think they’re crazy and b: can call you to find out the best method for chipping excrement out of a bed frame.

The miracle

I have heard it said that the experience of being pregnant is the closest that a human being can ever come to being a part of a miracle. When I think about how incredible it is that cells get together, multiply and divide and ultimately create a human baby with every cell doing just what it is supposed to do - in typical cases - then it is hard to disagree. However, after the parenting day I have had so far (and it is only 3pm) I would like to propose that love is the closest we can come to being a part of a miracle.

Loving your children, your spouse, your FAMILY, or even your friends in spite of all of the trials, hurts, behavior problems, mistakes, unkind words or disconnects you may have; to me, is truly miraculous. At church a few weeks ago, the speaker said that in couples therapy appointments, when one member of a couple can say " You are still the one I want to be with" then, he knows he is on the path towards healing with a couple. As a parent, my love for my children has certainly been tested, but of course always wins. As hard as it is to give them my very best all of the time, my love for them is greater than I ever could have imagined before they came into my life.

When you consider Love, you have to recognize the miraculous forms of it. It calls us to be the very best versions of ourselves. It draws us together to build families and communities. It allows us to be charitable to one another and to see each other in the best light possible. It compels us to do things we never thought we would do or could do. Though being pregnant was certainly incredible on an emotional, scientific, and spiritual level, I still think love brings me a lot closer to the miraculous.

Fancy Pants

I love getting dressed up. Costume parties, formal events, or just getting ready for a date night all make me excited and cause me to dedicate a few minutes to composing an ensemble. So why in the world did I end up spending a whole bunch of money I didn't need to for a formal event a few weekends ago??? In a rush to find the "perfect" outfit, I purchased a number of items I really didn't need. Sound familiar?? Yeah, I thought so. Who hasn't dashed out for the final finishing touches to an outfit the day of an event, only to bring their new items home and realize they already had something pretty similar in their closet?

So here is what I am going to do next time:

First, I am going to mine the closets of my friends and family (you know who you are, so watch out!!!). Right after I had purchased my new dress, I went over to my sister's house. My sister has about 10 dresses that I could have worn (for FREE) and had just as much fun in.

Second, I am going to mine closets for shoes and handbags. The day of the fun event, I felt I NEEDED to purchase a clutch bag to go with my new dress. Yes, I was at the necessity stage in my frenzied retail hunt. I finally found somehting that I thought I had to have, only to bring it home and realize that the clutch bags I already had actually would have worked better. UGH. Out of pride, I still used the new bag, so if anyone needs to borrow a white clutch, you know who to call. Shoes and bags are a LOT easier to borrow than dresses. And, it seems pretty rare that you need a fancy handbag. You want one to look nice, and compliment your entire outfit, but the number of times it is actually used seems like a pretty low number.

Third, I am going to try and give myself a deadline for these events! No more second guessing!!!! Sure, I'm in posession of another dress and new handbag due to my second guessing, but looking back, I would have looked just fine in one of my original options. My last minute panic that I was going to look like a bag lady next to everyone else was just fueled by insecurity -not reality. And a new dress, while a temporary fix to some levels of insecurity, is going to be an expensive way to keep my confidence up!!

The Answers

Have you ever continued to ask the same question over and over again, only to find that you don't like the answers you get? That has been happening to me quite a bit lately. When I first had my second child, I kept asking other moms with kids close in age

"It will get easier - right?"

And pretty unanimously, they would respond (with varying levels of sensitivity):

"No."



or: "You're in the easy part. It will get harder before it gets easier, so enjoy what you have in this moment. "



and: "It will get easier.....in like, 2 years."

I kept searching for the answer I wanted, and continued to get the answer that was correct instead. I attended a parenting meeting last Friday, looking for more answers. It was a typical parenting meeting; depressing, enlightening, scary, and confusing with random nuggets of information that were helpful. One of the "experts" speaking to us parents shared a nugget of information that I found to be inspirational.

He told us that the top athletes understand 3 keys to success:

1. Understand what needs to be done
We may not want to do it, but understanding what needs to be done, educating ourselves so that we are able to understand the tasks at hand, or working with the right people to direct us to the right tasks is the first step.

2. Be persistent

3. Have Endurance

While these simple instructions weren't what I necessarily wanted to hear, I think they were probably what I needed to hear. Realizing that challenges, no matter what they are, can be met with such a simple formula allowed me to feel a little more confident in addressing the tough roads ahead. Sure, I may be pushing boulders uphill in order to achieve the things I need to achieve, but at least having faith that I am doing the right things to get where I need to go afforded me a little freedom from wasting time second-guessing my methods.

My question, the one I've been asking over and over again:

"Am I doing this right?"

In a sense, was answered. In order to get the results you desire, follow the three steps. I may look back on this later and regret the time I've spent relishing this oversimplification, but for right now, for the challenges I'm working on, this answer FINALLY seems right. And manageable. So if nothing else, I hope this helps you simplify and feel peace about your challenges too.