Any followers?

Anyone back there???

Last week I posted a little discussion on leadership, so this week I thought it would be appropriate to discuss how to get people to follow you.  I'm basing this advice on my experience as a human being and what I've observed over the last ehhhhh 20 plus years.  

Being a parent puts you in a prime position to re-evaluate the human experience. You get to see life play out through the eyes of your beloved child.  It also allows you the opportunity to dig back up old memories of experiences you had as a child and see them in a light that is quite a bit different with a few more miles on your tires.   And finally, parenthood requires that you get independent beings to go along with what you want them to do despite the fact that they really do not want to.  So I was thinking on how you could extrapolate what you do as a parent to get your toddler to follow you and tweak these approaches to be appropriate for adults.  Lets see if this will work....

• The treat trail

• Often times, I have employed (rather effectively) the use of a treat in order to get my kids to follow me.  (To you judgers out there; judge away HERE---it's effective though).  In a way, this trailing of treats, or promising of treats is employed often in marriages, friendships, even in work.  
• EX:   Spoken by a spouse...."IF you do X (wash my car)  you will get Y (extra time to watch "Breaking Bad")"
• EX:  In working eenvironments..."Join us for an incredibly mind-numbing conference in LAS VEGAS and we'll pay for tons of entertainment and give you free stuff.

• Volume Control

• I love to sing, and my extensive karaoke experience has taught me that the use of volume can make all the difference when making music.  This is true too in your common conversation, and is an especially effective tool in trying to get people to pay attention to you.  With kids, you will often see parents employing the use of LOUD volume (a.k.a. yelling) to get the attention of their little darlings.  I've found that in the proper circumstance, speaking softly, but clearly, can also help you to garner the attention of a crowd.  
• Caveat:  Do not try this with a lot of extroverts that are drinking, they will be happy to speak right over your clever little quiet offering. 

• Hostage Hold

• If you have something people want, they will be more likely to listen to you or to follow you.  For instance, if I took your phone and put it in my office, I'd probably be seeing you in there pretty soon.  While small time thievery is likely not a great start to coercing someone to do something, it will get feet in the seats.  In our day to day home routine, shoes are put on in the car.    "Meet me in the car and we'll put on your shoes"  is a common chorus during mornings where we were supposed to be out the door 5 minutes ago.  Shoes are nice.  They cover your feet and allow you to be comfortable walking outside.  You kinda need them.  Therefore, you're probably going to get to the car a bit sooner than if we tried to put them on in your room, where you're surrounded by toys that you love and really want to play with RIGHT NOW instead of going to school.   

• This method can be utilized in a different way for adults by simply drowning out as many distractions as you possibly can.  On nights when I get an opportunity to go on a date with my spouse, if I am looking to have a conversation, I'm not going to the OC Fair.  I'm not going to a sports bar or any vortex of stimulation.  Because, if I want your attention, it will be a lot easier for me to get it if I'm not competing with anything.  On one of our first dates, my husband took me out on an electric boat ride in the harbor.  Because, he knew, he kind of wanted all of my attention and didn't want to have to compete for it.  And it wasn't until we were out there that I realized that I allowed this guy to take me hostage (in a good way, not a controversial one) and that it was pretty nice to just be together with him. 

 

 So if you want to get someone to follow you, or to be a part of your gang, try these things.  They may improve your outcomes or at least cause others to take notice that you have they're missing their shoes and phone.

 

Giving Thanks

I love Thanksgiving. I love the food. I love the idea that we are supposed to spend a day feeling thankful for all of our blessings. Unfortunately, I have had a few holiday mis-steps over the years. In light of these, I'd like to give some advice on for your consideration over the Thanksgiving holiday:

BAD IDEAS:
1. Spend the time with your family completely wrapped up in your own insecurities so that you have no ability to ask them how they are doing.

2. Over-indulge in spirits the night before Thanksgiving so that you feel completely terrible until about 5pm Thanksgiving day.

3. Do not help with the meal, the dishes, ANYTHING at all. Then complain about the food and the surroundings.

4. Talk about how you would be more thankful if you were at a better Thanksgiving celebration.

5. Disagree. With everything anyone says.

GOOD IDEAS:

1. Try and have at least 3 really good conversations throughout the day.

2. Help the hostess (if you are the hostess, help yourself and delegate!).

3. Think of one thing you like about each of the guests you're sharing your celebration with.

4. Consider where you've been in years past and ponder how you have grown or how your life has changed for the better over the past year.

5. Give hugs. Give smiles. Be charitable and kind.

I look back on so many of the family holidays we had when I was younger, and I regret not being totally "present" for them. My grandparents have passed on, and especially this year, I realize that as life goes on, the holidays - and who we celebrate them with - continue to change. I'm so thankful for the holidays I get to share now, but a part of me regrets not enjoying the holidays I got to spend with my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins to the fullest. Many of us are married, have children of our own, and are evolving into our own family traditions. A thought to remember - no matter who you spend your holiday with, you likely won't get to - or have to - celebrate with them forever. So try take time and be grateful for the time you have together - or, for the fact that it won't be forever!!

Perseverence... Another "P word" Worth Discussing

I hated P.E. when I was younger. I absolutely DREADED running. Even on days where I was feeling particularly spunky, I always found myself wanting to quit running and start walking remarkably soon after I had started. Throughout my teens and college years I tried to run. I joined gym memberships, watched television while on the treadmill, went to the gym with friends, even boyfriends. To date, I think my personal best has been 20 minutes of running time. I can walk for hours, but running has always required a level of perseverance I can't seem to muster.

It occurred to me this week that life in your 30's seems to require a lot of perseverance. Marriage, children, work, keeping your life moving in the direction you want it to go, all requires perseverance. I'm ashamed to admit that historically I strongly prefer activities in which I am already proficient. I have been able to avoid the need for sustained perseverance for most of my life. I pride myself on finding the quickest and easiest route to complete a task, making me useful for efficiency tips but not very strong in the perseverance department. In my 20's I managed to maintain a fun lifestyle without needing a ton of perseverance. Yes, there were days where I didn't want to do something and I still did it, but there weren't extended periods of perseverance. In our early working years the absence of a set plan in life can allow us to look at things as temporary rather than a "long haul".

In your 30's you begin to root into your life. You might buy a home, get married, build a family, build a community, or establish yourself in your career. Once you start on this path, the need for perseverance kicks into overdrive. You make choices to get yourself to a place and once you get there, sometimes the weather sucks. Or it doesn't always look like you thought it would. Some days it is a lot less fantastic than you had hoped even though it is still everything you want. What to do then? Perseverance. I'm still working on being able to run further for longer, working on pushing through the discomfort to keep running. Hopefully in a few years I'll have learned to keep running, and instead of noticing the physical drain, I'll enjoy more of the scenery and feel pride in how far I can go.