Any followers?

Anyone back there???

Last week I posted a little discussion on leadership, so this week I thought it would be appropriate to discuss how to get people to follow you.  I'm basing this advice on my experience as a human being and what I've observed over the last ehhhhh 20 plus years.  

Being a parent puts you in a prime position to re-evaluate the human experience. You get to see life play out through the eyes of your beloved child.  It also allows you the opportunity to dig back up old memories of experiences you had as a child and see them in a light that is quite a bit different with a few more miles on your tires.   And finally, parenthood requires that you get independent beings to go along with what you want them to do despite the fact that they really do not want to.  So I was thinking on how you could extrapolate what you do as a parent to get your toddler to follow you and tweak these approaches to be appropriate for adults.  Lets see if this will work....

• The treat trail

• Often times, I have employed (rather effectively) the use of a treat in order to get my kids to follow me.  (To you judgers out there; judge away HERE---it's effective though).  In a way, this trailing of treats, or promising of treats is employed often in marriages, friendships, even in work.  
• EX:   Spoken by a spouse...."IF you do X (wash my car)  you will get Y (extra time to watch "Breaking Bad")"
• EX:  In working eenvironments..."Join us for an incredibly mind-numbing conference in LAS VEGAS and we'll pay for tons of entertainment and give you free stuff.

• Volume Control

• I love to sing, and my extensive karaoke experience has taught me that the use of volume can make all the difference when making music.  This is true too in your common conversation, and is an especially effective tool in trying to get people to pay attention to you.  With kids, you will often see parents employing the use of LOUD volume (a.k.a. yelling) to get the attention of their little darlings.  I've found that in the proper circumstance, speaking softly, but clearly, can also help you to garner the attention of a crowd.  
• Caveat:  Do not try this with a lot of extroverts that are drinking, they will be happy to speak right over your clever little quiet offering. 

• Hostage Hold

• If you have something people want, they will be more likely to listen to you or to follow you.  For instance, if I took your phone and put it in my office, I'd probably be seeing you in there pretty soon.  While small time thievery is likely not a great start to coercing someone to do something, it will get feet in the seats.  In our day to day home routine, shoes are put on in the car.    "Meet me in the car and we'll put on your shoes"  is a common chorus during mornings where we were supposed to be out the door 5 minutes ago.  Shoes are nice.  They cover your feet and allow you to be comfortable walking outside.  You kinda need them.  Therefore, you're probably going to get to the car a bit sooner than if we tried to put them on in your room, where you're surrounded by toys that you love and really want to play with RIGHT NOW instead of going to school.   

• This method can be utilized in a different way for adults by simply drowning out as many distractions as you possibly can.  On nights when I get an opportunity to go on a date with my spouse, if I am looking to have a conversation, I'm not going to the OC Fair.  I'm not going to a sports bar or any vortex of stimulation.  Because, if I want your attention, it will be a lot easier for me to get it if I'm not competing with anything.  On one of our first dates, my husband took me out on an electric boat ride in the harbor.  Because, he knew, he kind of wanted all of my attention and didn't want to have to compete for it.  And it wasn't until we were out there that I realized that I allowed this guy to take me hostage (in a good way, not a controversial one) and that it was pretty nice to just be together with him. 

 

 So if you want to get someone to follow you, or to be a part of your gang, try these things.  They may improve your outcomes or at least cause others to take notice that you have they're missing their shoes and phone.

 

Napoleon not so Dynamite

I am currently working in a terrible work environment. My supervisor is Napoleonic. He is rude, somewhat racist, controlling and UNBEARABLE! How do I keep my job without hating my life?


Ahhh work. You're thrown together with people, forced to interact, and completely exposed to personalities you never wish you had come into contact with! I have a quote that I stored in my blackberry, I liked it so much. It rings very true for this situation....

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to evoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

While I think this is a great concept, sometimes a little action is required to make your work experience more bearable. My first strategy would be to employ the "kill them with kindness" approach to problem solving. When you are in the practice of being kind, you make it difficult for people to take issue with you - and you're in the habit of being a peaceful person. Your supervisor sounds like he is dedicating a lot of time and effort to being hostile. Don't engage him in any way that will allow this hostility to grow.

The second strategy I would employ is some healthy boundary setting. When your supervisor has done or said something offensive, let him know KINDLY that you would appreciate it if he kept his political views to himself for example. Point out that you would hate for him to get into trouble for expressing himself so freely.

What you probably shouldn't do is become passive aggressive and pull some pranks on this person. BUT if you were to do this, I've come up with a few ideas. At least you can laugh at the fantasy.....

*Bring in a framed picture of Napoleon to put on his desk with a note that says: "Thought you'd like this".
*Remove some critical screws from his swivel chair
*Come into work wearing the uniform of a French officer under Napoleon's rule. Salute. Often. Maybe even throw in a heel click.
*Whenever he says something, say "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Keep doing this until he's yelling, then follow up with: "Jeez, you don't have to yell!!!"
*Whenever he comes over to talk to you, act like he has food on his face, miming where it is.
*Get him coffee and put hot sauce in it. Or spoiled milk.
*Put a dirty diaper in his trash can.

You get the idea. I think the best thing you can actually do is try to appeal to whatever shred of humanity he has and find out how you can best work together. The more information you have about his motives for his actions, the better you will be able to work around them. If it is warranted I'd also report his inappropriate and/or offensive behavior (specifically the racism) to the proper people in your organization. In the end, know that people who are difficult to work with are rarely the ones that go very far in life. So at least you know you won't have to work with him forever. In the mean time, do what you can to make the best of the situation (even if that means a prank or two).