Numbers + Vent =

Thank you state testing results for reminding me how academically delayed my child is.  Thanks SO much for that handy bar chart ranking him at the bottom. That was super helpful as a visual.

I get it.  There are many reasons to test special education.  Not everyone receives the same results and every student should be counted.  The data has value, I assume, and our depressing results are ours, not everyone's.  I don't want to change the system, I just want to vent.  Similar to stepping on a scale to affirm what you know but avoid; or looking in the mirror at an aging face, or getting a crappy credit score or low bank account - numbers can hurt.

You have cancer? Then you probably have thousands of examples  you can recall of numbers hurting.  You ever compete in sports; numbers hurt, scores can hurt.  Not getting the results you want SUCKS.

I don not consider myself to be in denial about my son's autism.  It is accepted and praised, and loved in our household.  But, when I have to recognize hard truths, that still sucks.  Filling out the new intake form for a therapeutic or medical professional sucks.  Re-visiting dates of first smile, walking, crawling, all the milestones that tracked perfectly and then all of the ones we still haven't hit, breaks my heart a little every time.  Revisiting the perfect, easy pregnancy and labor and then trying to answer; "What do you think caused this delay in your child" - gives me very strong profanity/ middle finger vibes.  I appreciate this question's value as in certain cases it a parent could have an answer that informs the therapeutic process.  Since I am NOT living in that case, I go towards sarcasm which while it immediately entertains me, I'm sure isn't really helping anyone.  But since this is a blog, here are some of my possible answer candidates:

• Because I'm a terrible person
• Bad Karma (I actually did put this one down)
• The universe hates me
• God has a different plan for us
• I am a terrible mother
• I have no idea, but would love to know...

I know in my heart, we all have those days / moments when the crap tornado blows through your home (or life), and that this minor storm was mine.  It's moved on, and I'm back to the wonders of the day to day which are plentiful.  Hopefully though, my vent helps you vent, or laugh or just think about numbers in a different way.  Perhaps the next time a number that isn't the one you want bonks you in the ear, you'll think of me, and my karma and know that though you're disappointed you are certainly not alone.