NERD ALERT!

Fashion is a funny thing. It seems to me that what is deemed as "in fashion" is defined as such by a majority. Right now, and perhaps for a while, it seems the fashioins have taken a turn for the quirky. Maybe it's because I'm over 30 and I'm more comfortable with myself, maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom and have the freedom to do so, or maybe, just maybe I'm doing it's socially acceptable to do it and I have no guts, but I have decided to FINALLY embrace my INNER NERD.

Those who know me well are all asking themselves right now "Inner nerd? Jeez, is that going to be larger than the nerd she already shows publicly?!!!???"

Well the answer to that is YES. I am enjoying the movement in our culture towards embracing the unique, the original, the nerdy. From now on, I'm making a concentrated effort to listen to my inner-nerd. Yes, I like "Star Trek". And would love to sit and talk philosophy with anyone who has the time to spare. I think my life and wardrobe would be a lot more fun with a bedazzler. I'm totally comfortable belting out the entire soundtrack to the musical "Wicked" in my car and I'm starting to encourage the kids to sing along with total abandon as well. I'm ready to be free of trying to look cool (this is easier for me since I RARELY look cool). But I think it's time for all of us to consider letting more of our true interests and thoughts shine through our public persona. I know there are times where it is important to censor ourselves and try to fit in. But I graduated from high school. A WHILE AGO!

I invite you to join me on my nerd quest. I think when we let down our guard and act as true to ourselves as possible, everyone ends up having a lot more fun. Now I just need to find out when the next Star Trek convention is. Truly, I've always wanted to go to one.

Napoleon not so Dynamite

I am currently working in a terrible work environment. My supervisor is Napoleonic. He is rude, somewhat racist, controlling and UNBEARABLE! How do I keep my job without hating my life?


Ahhh work. You're thrown together with people, forced to interact, and completely exposed to personalities you never wish you had come into contact with! I have a quote that I stored in my blackberry, I liked it so much. It rings very true for this situation....

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to evoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

While I think this is a great concept, sometimes a little action is required to make your work experience more bearable. My first strategy would be to employ the "kill them with kindness" approach to problem solving. When you are in the practice of being kind, you make it difficult for people to take issue with you - and you're in the habit of being a peaceful person. Your supervisor sounds like he is dedicating a lot of time and effort to being hostile. Don't engage him in any way that will allow this hostility to grow.

The second strategy I would employ is some healthy boundary setting. When your supervisor has done or said something offensive, let him know KINDLY that you would appreciate it if he kept his political views to himself for example. Point out that you would hate for him to get into trouble for expressing himself so freely.

What you probably shouldn't do is become passive aggressive and pull some pranks on this person. BUT if you were to do this, I've come up with a few ideas. At least you can laugh at the fantasy.....

*Bring in a framed picture of Napoleon to put on his desk with a note that says: "Thought you'd like this".
*Remove some critical screws from his swivel chair
*Come into work wearing the uniform of a French officer under Napoleon's rule. Salute. Often. Maybe even throw in a heel click.
*Whenever he says something, say "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Keep doing this until he's yelling, then follow up with: "Jeez, you don't have to yell!!!"
*Whenever he comes over to talk to you, act like he has food on his face, miming where it is.
*Get him coffee and put hot sauce in it. Or spoiled milk.
*Put a dirty diaper in his trash can.

You get the idea. I think the best thing you can actually do is try to appeal to whatever shred of humanity he has and find out how you can best work together. The more information you have about his motives for his actions, the better you will be able to work around them. If it is warranted I'd also report his inappropriate and/or offensive behavior (specifically the racism) to the proper people in your organization. In the end, know that people who are difficult to work with are rarely the ones that go very far in life. So at least you know you won't have to work with him forever. In the mean time, do what you can to make the best of the situation (even if that means a prank or two).

Dinner Party Bonanza

During the month of July, we hosted a variety of parties. A 4th of July pool party, a dinner party for 8, we were the dessert stop in a neighborhood progressive dinner party, and we were able to host two family birthday parties. In all, I think we served over 90 people. Thankfully, each of these events were done with a lot of HELP. At every event, guests brought food, brought drinks and even helped with dishes. I am a huge proponent of delegating when you entertain. In the cases where I've been responsible for the entire meal from appetizer to dessert and coffee, I end up feeling like a servant instead of a stellar host. Here are a few things I've learned from our busy month of entertaining:

*Set up your table first. This is one task that takes longer than you think it will. I look at it from a theatrical perspective. When guests come to your home, the show is supposed to be ready. If you're dressing the tables as they arrive, it feels a bit like they've caught you setting up your stage. You loose a bit of the "wow" factor. Guests just don't want to see you washing out ice buckets or setting up glassware while they are there. You can have a conversation with your guest while you're chopping or cooking. For a more casual affair your guest will happily slice limes if you need them to, but setting up linens and chairs just takes away from the "show" factor in entertaining.

*As soon as you have the smelly prep work out of the way (or you have wisely delegated it to someone else) SHOWER. Get yourself ready as far in advance of your event as seems reasonable. I can't count the number of times I've missed the window to get myself ready and had to just go with it. Being haggard is no way to set the tone for your party. Again, it's easy to have your guests help you fill ice, light candles or even chop something. It's pretty weird for people to come over to your home only to have you dash off to get into the shower.

*If people want to bring something, I always ask them to bring ice. You can never have too much ice for a party, and if you do, you can always throw it away. This is a great assignment for bachelors, people who don't cook, or people who may not be on time. As long as you have enough ice to initially cool your drinks, this is a workable strategy.

*Never depend someone else to bring all the ice. This will leave you in a real pinch. You should always make sure you've got enough to start with and if all of your ice-assignees fall through, you can always send someone out to get more.

*Always have a backup plan. A phone number for great pizza delivery, a few boxes of macaroni and cheese or some extra rice. Too much food isn't a problem, too little food = wasted guests and possible riot.

*Have as much fun at your parties as possible. I find when the host is having fun, it makes it a lot easier for everyone else to enjoy themselves. Yes, it is important that you do your very best to ensure your guests are enjoying themselves. It is also important to lead by example.

*Try and clean up once the party is over. It's so incredibly tempting to leave this task until morning, but a mess that has time to set is at least 5 times as hard to clean. Once your guests are gone, you'll have a daunting number of dishes, empty glasses, and platters. The next morning you'll have all of the aforementioned items AND the possibilities of flies, stains, and food that has made a real commitment to sticking to whatever surface it's presently in contact with. Turn on some music, pour yourself a glass of water and do as much as you can. You'll never be disappointed in the morning that you put the time in the night before.

There are so many other tips and tricks I've learned this summer, but in the interest of good hostessing, I will be respectful of your time and I'll stop here. Perhaps I'll be able to share them at another event - at your house!

Contented Commentary

I haven't been receiving too many requests for advice. I've decided that the reason for this is because everyone is SO happy in their lives that they don't need any advice. With this hope in mind, the idea of being CONTENT sprung to mind. Yesterday I felt like the universe was telling me to wake up and enjoy life. The book I'm reading was discussing the importance of letting things in life come to you, the value of being content no matter what is happening in the world around you. The radio station I was listening to in the morning was discussing the importance of finding happiness or contentment in whatever you are doing. Either I was finding external things to suit my present state of mind, or the rest of the world was trying to bend my ear...who can know.

Regardless of why, I thought I'd try to focus my energy on being content. All day, all week, for the rest of my life, I was going to be ZEN. Peaceful, patient, content; that is what I was going to be. My plan was foolproof! I lasted until around 12:00 pm. Time between epiphany and failure to be content: approximately 3 hours. I have some major work to do. I took a yoga class this morning, a walk with a friend, and got a chance to catch up with my sister-in-law who is always amazing. Today, I see the leaves are green, my children are alive, and I'll actually have a chance to read that book a little more. I'm hoping to break my contentedness record today and go for 3 1/2 hours. I hope you are all enjoying a day in a lifetime filled with being content. If not, throw me a bone and ask for some advice, and maybe we'll both feel better.

Q: My girlfriend has started buying me clothes that others feel are too stylish for me. I do have a style of my own, and don't know exactly what that is, but I feel that it is comfortable and up to date. All the clothes that my friends or my girlfriend buy me I absolutely love. I have no problem with change or trying to look better. I feel that I am always appropriately dressed. How do I remedy the situation?

A: Style is nothing if not personal. Your friends are probably just extremely jealous that you have stylish new clothes and that you got them for FREE!!!! The fashions we wear are the most obvious indicators of our moods, our interests, and of course our personalities. Personal style is PERSONAL. So if you are starting to wear clothing that is more "current" and you do actually love it, that would lead me to believe that it fits into your personal style. I'm a fan of changing things up; particularly when you already know you like the changes. So embrace the new clothes, and let your friends know how much you like them. Continue to wear the new clothes that your friends think are too stylish and remark on how great you feel in them. If they still give you flack, tell your friends that you are friends with them in spite of their clothing choices and that they should extend the same courtesy to you. HA!!! Nothing quiets criticism like a good, old fashioned insult! Okay, scratch the insult part, but I think asking them kindly to respect your personal style should be effective. If it isn't, tell them that your only other option is nudity, and hopefully they'll appreciate the clothed, too-stylish-you more than the creepy you in your birthday suit.

Terrorizing Toddler

Q: I've been running around with a group of mommies/kids for about 2 1/2 years now. One boy in the group has always displayed rough and aggressive behavior, but now that he's almost 3 1/2, it's starting to be less age-appropriate and a little scary because he's getting big enough to do some real damage (property and bodies). The parents are very laissez-faire and do not provide boundaries/limits for the child. And it's getting a little out of control. I have been avoiding the family as much as I can, but it's complicated because this family lives right down the street, so I can only avoid invites to take the kids on a walk for so long, ya know? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? Do I confront the parents? Do I discipline the child? Or do I just concentrate on teaching my own child on how to deal with these situations?

A: Parenthood is quite the social adventure. It will drag you through the STRANGEST and most uncomfortable alleyways! In this case, it's dragged you down the street, into the home and heart of your dear mommy friend and let's face it, you REALLY don't want to be there. I'm pretty sure there is no perfect way to handle this situation, but if you can approach it with an honest, open heart and a lot of humility, you've got a good shot at achieving the best results.

The next time you are in contact with the little bully and you witness behavior that you think is unacceptable that is directed toward your child or property, I wold use the " Our house, our rules" approach. Say something like: "Oh, no little one, we don't allow XYZ behavior in our house. " And then try to redirect the child to an acceptable, less harmful activity - bubbles maybe? Then, I'd tell the parent, "I am sorry if I'm stepping on your toes, I'm trying to work on XYZ behavior with my child." If the mom is receptive to your discipline, then I'd keep it up as long as it is comfortable. If not, ask her if she'd prefer to have you grab her to intervene if something occurs again. I think honesty, kindness, and patience are the qualities you should lead with and hopefully you guys can come to an understanding. The important thing is that you protect your child's environment AND hopefully are able to play peacefully with this friend. If you try this a few times and it isn't taking, I'd have a talk with the mom. Maybe ask her to help you protect your little one from her "big" guy. I've found that when you phrase something as a request for help, the person you're speaking to is a lot more likely to acquiesce. Maybe you'll talk with the mom and find out that there is something else going on with her child or even in her life, and that she would be grateful to have another source work on discipline with her child. I used to think it would really bother me to have someone discipline my child. Then, I had 2 toddlers and realized, sometimes they realize they've got you on the run, and simply will not listen to you. An outside voice of authority can be welcome when your kid is tearing apart a grocery store.

Here are a few other ideas to help facilitate peaceful play:

*Try to create a jumping game or obstacle course for the kids. This could help the aggressive one get out some major energy without having physical contact with the kids.

*Create a pretend game where everyone tries to make animal noises or play freeze dancing. Again, independent and energy consuming.

I hope this ends up with your children all being able to play together peacefully! If not, you may need to find some new friends to play with. Though this would certainly be the worst case scenario, you must remember, your child is going to have a LOT of different friends throughout his or her life. If you miss out on a few activities now, I am SURE you can make up for it when he or she is sixteen by having a monthly sleepover party at your house :).

Three's a Crowd

Q: What should you do when you're on a date and your date is being hit on?

A: It is true that something is instantly more desirable once it is in another person's possession. It is also true that people, in general, are insensitive and lack self-awareness. If you are on a date, and your date is being pursued by another, I think the best thing to do is address it as soon as possible, as calmly as possible. Jealousy has never helped anyone accomplish anything other than looking like a jerk, so try your very best to stay calm and rational (easier said than done, I know). When you're on a date, the best thing you can do is make a concentrated effort to enjoy the time you're spending with the person you're with. It is hard to do that if you're caught up in the heated feelings of jealousy or anger. To try and salvage your night, think of what you can do to resolve the issue. Do you need to move locations away from the idiot vixen who is trying to ruin your time? Do you need your date to focus more on you and less on the busty cocktail waitress who is dictating her phone number in your man's ear? Whatever you need to move past the uncomfortable hurdle of an uninvited third wheel, do it.

While I'm on the subject, I'd like to share a few more dating tips...
1. Do show up on time
2. Do not reference previous dates, spouses, lovers and the wonderful times you had with them at the location of your current date.
3. Keep the conversation going. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
4. Do not invite additional people on your date without your date's permission. This would be classified as a BAD surprise.
5. Make a plan for what you're going to do on your date, and if you can, make a back-up plan.
6. On a first date, don't go too far away, if things aren't working out, you'll each want to make a quick exit!