13 years ago...

Sorry Ween..... You're a part of this story too.

I have a number of pictures from this day 13 years ago, but I selected this one because the person I'm with is the one who I started the day with (at approximately 12:01am dancing in a club in LA) and who I felt would be the most ok with this picture.  I've got a throwback instagram image coming for some of you ladies and hopefully you won't kill me :).

13 years ago today I was living in Santa Monica, working as a waitress and trying to be a famous singer.  I was successful in waiting tables, having fun, and creating great memories.  You may realize by now that you haven't seen my album on iTunes.   The famous singer thing was not meant to be, but I did get a chance to try for it, so I look at the whole experience as an educational and humbling "win"'.  13 years ago one of my best friends took her LSAT.  She scored very well, and successfully completed that difficult hurdle, and so, a group of us decided to go out and celebrate her success.  We happened upon a popular restaurant (that is mostly a bar if I'm honest) to celebrate and enjoy a wonderful, sunny Saturday in Newport Beach. 

There are a million other story lines that are a part of this day. The lives of everyone else that was there, how they've changed, wonderful milestones that have happened (among the crowd we were with there have been 5 marriages that have occurred, one engagement/soon-to-be marriage, multiple homes purchased, job promotions, business openings and 6 kids).  It has been a fruitful and exciting 13 years, with no end of fun in sight.  Of course there have been heartbreaks, job losses, struggles, uncertainties, and more drama than many of us would prefer, but the time that has elapsed has been FULL!  I look back now, at the faces from the pictures that we took with our hand held cameras (not our phones) and remember the hope, the uncertainty and the precipice of something else that was in the air that day.  Because that day, I met the guy in the yellow hat that ended up changing my life, my husband. 

I changed his life too, and together we've been comic relief, a cautionary tale, and overall entertainment for ourselves and our friends and family.  The girl in the picture is absolutely totally me and also just a mere seed of who I am now.  I still love to sing, being a mother to two kids allows me to continuously hone my waitressing skills and I still love being with friends and having a good adventure.  Reflecting back, on this day, THAT long ago, I just laugh.  And wonder.  At how much a life can change, how much a person can grow, and how I truly had no idea what was in store for me that day.  What has followed has varied from totally and completely unpredictable to somewhat expected and there are parts I would skip, but overall, I'd totally do it all over again.  Because the surprise of the ride has been pretty awesome.   

Can you be joyful and authentic?

 
source: MS Clip Art
 
NEW FORMAT (for now) 

Here you will find grab and go thoughts/ recommendations / advice crackers / puffs of ideas - this is for you if you are currently also watching TV and about to go ______(fill in the blank).

Quickie Advice Nuggets:

1. If you are trying SoulCycle for the first time - or any new workout routine - try to get a seat in the back.  Front row is for pros and wannabe pros and you may have the teacher scream in your face or squirt water at you if you find yourself seated in the front.   Just sayin'.

2. If you find yourself at a party and want to go home when people are getting fired up for shots; try to start the electric slide, then turn leadership over to someone else and then slide on out of the venue. Please try this and report back.  Photos = extra credit.

Main Topic (too obvious?)

In an attempt to give advice to myself - and also to just explore a question I've been unable to find a satisfactory answer to - I'd like to discuss the challenge of being joyful - regardless of circumstances - and also authentic.

CAVEAT - I'm not talking about being joyful in abuse, in war, in circumstances that prevent basic human needs to be met.  I AM referring to finding a way to be joyful for the sake of being joyful.  Not due to an awesome sale, spa day, tremendous windfall of cash or receipt of an Oscar.

I think that the exercise of trying to be joyful in all things, or at least to find things to be joyful about while living in crummy circumstances is a useful practice.  Some Yogis say: "if you are breathing, you should be joyful".  This level of optimism - of stubborn joy finding - can be helpful, even healing, when in challenging times, and even in times absent of challenges.
 So, if you agree to participate in the practice of being joyful for the sake of being joyful, and you strengthen this practice, is there a danger in becoming in-authentic?

For instance, I don't really want to share with you the bummer details on the miniseries called "MY LIFE TODAY", because I'm try to focus on being joyful. BUT, if I don't share with you, just a bit about what is going on, how can we connect?  How can I be real?  And, am I eliminating the opportunity to be honest, vulnerable, and possibly educate someone or be educated by them on the topic?

Where is the balance of both?

Clearly I still don't know.  My vote is for erring on the side of joy, but also not being so dogmatically joyful that I become a clown.  Or a wafer version of a person.  And being joyful when possible but also broken and real, and gray colored too when the time for that me-version arises.  I'm still working on finding a direction, and wondering if the direction isn't just in one way, but in many.

As always, if you've figured it out, throw the rest of us a bone and  - LET US KNOW!!!